Friday, December 29, 2006

Kids' ticket prices

WHY do kids' tickets at touristy place cost less??? They cry, fight, are slow, make a mess, cause more aggravation for the adults, and probably don't want to be there as much as adults. The really young ones won't even remember the experience. So, their tickets should cost MORE.

Is it because they take up less space? In that case, ticket prices should be based on size, not age. I'm probably about as big as an 8 year-old, but I complain less. So, I should pay half the price.

Space travel

Isn't it funny how we've been sending men into space since the 60's, before some technologies have been common such as the internet, ipods and Xbox? It just seems like sending someone to the moon would be more difficult than those.

And, we can put a man on the moon, but not all places will have soy milk for my coffee!!!!!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

White t-shirt

Notice how it's hard to find something simple anymore when you're shopping for clothes? Yesterday I was shopping and just wanted a PLAIN white t-shirt. That's it. No colors, no designs, no stupid little frills, no curly q's on the neckline or arms, just a plain white t-shirt. Could I find one? No.

I also just want plain flip-flops. But notice how flip flops these days have glittery stuff on the straps, or beads, or funky colors? Argh...I just want FLIP FLOPS!

But noooo, these annoying *like* teeny boppers are *like* taking over the department stores.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Directions

Now how long ago do you think it was discovered that the Earth has north and south poles? 50 years ago? No. 75 years ago? No. 150 years ago? No. Okay, so I don't have the actual answer. But I would wager that it was a long time ago. Hey, the Chinese are smart, so it's even possible that they discovered the poles like 10, 000 years ago (or something like that).

Well, have you ever noticed how (despite us knowing that the poles exist for so long) that people STILL do not know their north, south, east and west? And let me just say that obtaining directions to go somewhere from these people is a pain in the ass. "As you're driving down Broadway, it'll be on your right hand side." or "Turn left after the gas station." In case you don't know, left and right has no fucking meaning because it can change based on which way you're driving.

And also, have you ever noticed that people point the directions while indoors? "The store is that way." Well, uh, I'm sorry, but the way you pointed is the kitchen. I mean come on, once I'm inside and I've turned all different directions between the rooms, I no longer know which way I'm facing, so just give me the location based on north, south, east or west!

Just my 2 cents worth...

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Eyebrow gell

So I just heard of the existence of eyebrow gell. Eyebrow gell. Where are the women who use this working? A place with such high winds that their EYEBROW hairs blow around all over the place??

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Humming

WHY do people hum???? Why? First off, it's annoying to those of us who have to hear it. Second, isn't it more fun and gratifying to just SING the song??? That would be much less annoying. And if you're worried about sounding bad, who cares?? If you sing in your office, you don't have to worry about losing a chance at a Grammy now do you?

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Stupidity

Maybe the reason humans are so stupid is because we have such low expectations of each other. Think about the signs we read everyday:

"No weapons allowed on campus." (okay, good for me to know, and my guess is that those who want to bring the weapons could give a rats ass.)

"Shirts and shoes required." (so, I can come half-naked????)

I also love how the trash cans thank us for throwing our trash away. Imagine that, getting thanked for being civil.

And did you ever think about how at basketball games when the home team is winning they have signs flash that say "cheer!" "clap!" "shout out loud!". Guess we have to be prompted to do that too.

The bar has reaaaaaaaalllllly been lowered.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Life goals

If only I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say they want to be in a band, or write a screenplay on the story of their life. Reeeeaaaal original.

Sweaters

Is it just me, or does anyone else's brain get boggled by those sleeveless turtleneck sweaters? Think about it. SleeveLESS turtleneck sweaters. What's the point? It's like, should I be warm because of the turtleneck, or cool because they're sleeveless? I get confused just by seeing someone wear one, not to mention if I was to wear one myself.

It's kinda like boots with mini-skirts too!! Why?? What's the point???

I'm sorry, but when you live in a place that's like an oven, comfort (and comfort alone) is what you go for.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Hair

So supposedly we Americans make fun of the French for not using hair products. But have you seen the show Grey's Anatomy? Dr. Grey, who is the lead character, I'm sorry, probably has the sorriest hair I've ever seen. Flat, thin, no body at all. And in my book she's not particularly attractive, so how she's the lead is beyond me.

Here's this popular show that takes millions to make, probably makes billions in return (because God knows we don't have enough shows about hospitals), and they can't afford to get this actress a hair dresser????

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Salary

I learned from someone today that the butcher at Costco earns something like $25/hour.

A butcher.

They cut up things that used to be alive.

I work as a counselor, dealing with people's lives, and sometimes dealing with crisis situations like rape and suicide.

I make $9/hour.

And, I'm vegetarian.

I just realized,

I am probably in one of the worst financial positions possible.

Go figure.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Cotton Candy

Okay, I just don't get the point of cotton candy-I'm sorry. What's the fun in it? Just because it's soft and big and pink? But it doesn't give you the satisfaction of really eating anything because you can't CHEW it. And it's just sugar so it doesn't give you the satisfaction of crunching anything, like chips, or eating anything with sustenance like curly fries (yummm, curly fries).

Hell, I don't get the fascination with Twizzlers either, but at least you have the satisfaction of chewing those.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Animal in a mug

Have you ever seen anything as stupid as an animal in a mug? These are those cheesy, corny gift items you can find at a Hallmark store: a mug with a little stuffed animal inside. And the miniature ones are worse. The mug is too small to drink coffee out of (what life is about) and you can't cuddle with those stupid little stuffed animals. And then there are ones with the message "Get well soon." How the hell is LOOKING at something you can't cuddle with, interact with, nor drink coffee out of supposed to make you feel better???

Boss's Day

We have a Boss's Day? Does anyone but me find this to be ridiculous? Isn't EVERY day boss's day? I mean who the hell else are we working for?

What we need is a student day. Yes, a poor starving student day...

Monday, October 02, 2006

The digital clock

Why is it that when you look at a digital clock and the time says 5:15 that it seems like you have a lot of time before the half-hour, and when it says 5:16, you automatically round that up to 5:20 in your mind, and so it seems like you have a lot less time, even though that is only a ONE minute difference????

Drives me nuts...

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Actors

Ever notice how when people watch a tv show or a movie and they recognize an actor, they whisper to their friend or partner, "Hey, that's the guy from the other movie!" Or, "She was also the one who played so-and-so in that show back in the 80's!"

I admit it, I'm one of those people. But think about it, we say those things in such an excited way. I mean we are so SURPRISED that an actor or actress has been in something ELSE. Uh, that's kinda their job, so why are we so surprised when we see them elsewhere?

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Whole bean coffee

Okay, so one of the stupidest things I've seen is how they sell whole bean coffee. Why, why does it exist? It takes so much longer to make it if you have to grind it before you can brew it-WHO wants to do that when they need to wake up first thing in the morning???

I bought some coffee and went to open the package for the first time this morning. I opened it and it was like "doh!" (add Homer Simpson voice here). That is one of the most annoying things, when you buy something you're excited about but then can't have it because you didn't pay attention to the writing on the package to make sure it is in fact what you want to buy. My boyfriend has a grinder at his house, but I don't want to take the time to grind it first!

So I said "Fuck, I'll just go home and drink coffee." And hence the lovely Saturday of an irritable graduate student had begun...

Friday, September 15, 2006

Freeways

Why are they called freeways when you don't feel very FREE on them in rush-hour traffic? I've been taking surface streets during rush hour for a while because it's faster than the freeways. When I was driving home and saw the back-up in the other direction, I was thinking, "So do these people wake up in the morning and make a conscious decision to just SIT on the on-ramp for 20 minutes???" Of course, if we all took surface streets, then it would be the same situation on those routes during rush hour. But think about HOW many people choose to sit in their cars during rush hour!

And don't even get me started on the curiosity factor. It once took me twice as long to get home and why? Not because construction was going on or traffic had be diverted for some reason. No, it was because people were purposely SLOWING DOWN to look at an accident, and I happened to be the chump to get on the freeway a half and hour later.

If we are so frickin' self-centered with our fast-paced lifestyle today, then why do we slow down to just look at an accident? There are a lot of other things I'm curious about, I'm sorry. I mean think about it, we ask people "How are things going?" without wanting a real answer, yet get somewhere late because we want to just LOOK at an accident when it is just another one in a million???

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Bathing suits

Okay so we don't want to show our underwear to just anyone, but we'll pretty much wear our bathing suits in front of anyone? I mean, these days, bathing suits are such that they cover less than underwear sometimes. So I'll walk around my boyfriend's house in a bathing suit where his friends can see me, but I won't walk around in my underwear? Why not? My underwear covers just as much as the bathing suit does. Hell a towel covers more than the bathing suit does too. And these days you have THONG bathing suits. Sheesh.

We should just go swimming in underwear. That'll save the hassle of shopping for a suit and will also save money. And it will probably make my boyfriend happier too.

Love seat

Why is a love seat called a "love" seat? One, there's not enough room to make love on it. Two, chances are, people who own a furniture set that includes a love seat probably have been together long enough to where they wouldn't even want to sit together on the "love seat."

So there you have it, it needs a new name.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Bathroom

Have you noticed how many people put magazines in their bathrooms? And not like 1 or 2, but there will be racks with like 10. I mean come ON, how much time are you planning on spending in the bathroom? You just want to sit on the toilet and read for a half an hour? Why not wait to go to the bathroom until you actually have to go, and then you can read more comfortably on your bed or the sofa? I must be crazy but hanging out in the bathroom is not quite my thing, sheesh.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Office Space

Have you seen the movie Office Space? Well, I experienced it yesterday even though I'm NOT working in a cubicle environment anymore. I have just a 6-mile commute to school and it took me 35 minutes, even with avoiding the freeway during morning traffic. There was a guy walking on the sidewalk who was going faster than me!

Then, something happened to me which I do not believe is in the movie. At a staff meeting, some people were sounding to me like Charlie Brown's mother (add sound effect here). I SWEAR, I cannot stand people who like to hear themselves talk. They think they're the shit and don't stick to the agenda. All they had to do was introduce themselves, describe their position, and give a brief description of their work experience and strengths. I swear these people were going on and on about so much more, to the point where I think I checked-out until I had to introduce myself.

For those who like to hear themselves talk: why don't you guys just record yourself once so that you can listen to yourself on tape whenever you want? That way you don't waste our time!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

DVDs

I'm sorry, but I still don't see the benefit of DVDs over VHS tapes. First off, of all the DVDs I've watched, only ONE has had coming attractions. That is part of the fun of watching a movie, is seeing trailers. And, last night, the DVD we watched had the previews at the beginning, but then you don't really have the option of stopping the DVD and fast-forwarding through them if you want, the way you can with a tape. Yes, you can fast forward, or "search" as it's called, but it's still not that fast and you have to watch while it's doing it, as opposed to just stopping a tape and watching the counter while it fast-forwards. Oh yeah, and then at the end of the movie, the DVD kept freezing and skipping and so we had to start over, watch the damn trailers again, then skip the scene that had problems, and select the next scene. With tapes, you don't have the freezing and skipping problem, now do you? I can't tell you how many times I've had that problem with DVDs I've rented.

Second, many, even comedies, do not provide the option of viewing outtakes. Watching outtakes is a large part of the fun for me in watching anything. So if the DVD offers a menu of things to choose from, then WHY don't many offer the option of watching outtakes? What's the point of technology if it doesn't provide what it is perfectly capable of providing?

Third, not only are these two things often not options with DVDs, but they almost ALWAYS provide an option to view deleted scenes! Now if you notice, the deleted scenes usually suck and at least I anyway, don't get through watching them all. Well duh, they were DELETED scenes. They obviously for whatever reason were not kept in the movie. Otherwise they would not be deleted and they'd be IN the movie. So if they were deleted, why do we want to watch them? They need to be deleted from the DVD too for crying out loud.

Oh I get it, owning something just BECAUSE it's available in stores is a status symbol. Everyone HAS to have the latest technology without thinking about if there is truly a benefit. Fine, go ahead and make fun of me for still using my VCR and viewing my tapes, but remember that I have less of a chance of my movie getting interrupted.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Condiments

Okay, I thought ketchup and mustard are found together, like salt and pepper. But I guess not cuz these days I only find ketchup on the table in restaurants. Ketchup? Why ketchup? Mustard is so much better. Ketchup is just sweet mushy tomatoes, when so many better things are made with tomatoes like salsa, pico de gallo, and pasta sauce. I ordered a veggie burger last night and I had to ask for the mustard. And the woman looked at me strangely when I asked and it took her a while to bring it! Doesn't ANYONE put mustard on their burgers anymore????

Not to mention the fact that my food was cold and the burger came with a side of COLD steamed broccoli with NOTHING on it. Talk about laziness on part of the chef. How hard is it to butter the broccoli just a TAD?

I mean hell, restaurants put ham in their "minestrone" soup and cheese in frickin' everything without asking-yuk!

Terror alert

Notice how we're always hearing updates from the work that intelligence agencies are doing? Today the British intelligence agency decreased their terror threat warning from critical to severe. See any issues with this? Any? First off, how is severe "better" than critical? What does severe mean? That instead of security screens at the airport they'll just let anyone on the plane? And they report it with such confidence. HOW do they know to report the terror threat level? They do it like doing the weather for crying out loud, and it's almost as accurate (or inaccurate, depending on how you look at it). I mean, we didn't have a warning before Sept. 11th happened, yet it did, didn't it?

I guess with animal, instinctual drives, whether they be violence or sex, it's the same thing. It doesn't happen if you plan hard for it, it happens when you least expect it.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Twins

Why is it that parents dress their twin children up alike? It's like, "Look world, we have twins! Aren't they cute?!" I mean come on, is this some special feat? Don't get me wrong, I understand that caring for twins is twice the work and stress, but it's not like conceiving them took extra work.

And, if you think about it, it's the IDENTICAL twins who are dressed up alike. What, without the same clothes we can't tell they're identical twins?? We need the same outfits to realize the kids look alike? More importantly, wouldn't the parents want to dress them up differently so that they can tell them APART from each other??

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The airport

Depending on how you look at it, the airport is either getting more frustrating, or funnier. I thought the point of self check-in stations were to SPEED UP check-in. But noooo, we have to stand in LINE to use those machines. And I didn't even have bags to check-in, I just needed to get my boarding pass. But to do so, I had to wait in line for like 25 minutes with others who had like 20 bags each. So then what's the point of the ticket counter employees? To answer any questions on how to use the machine? Then why have the machine? Your not self checking-in anymore if you need help from someone.

So finally after checking in I go to the bathroom before boarding the plane. Now, if we're supposed to keep our bags attended at all times, then why do the bathroom doors open INTO the stall? It's a pain in the ass trying to get two carry-on bags into the small stall with me so I can pee. Now I'm no genius, but if the doors opened OUT, then we could get the bags in easier and probably reduce the line for the ladies' room.

Then, the TOPPER is that I saw an Amish couple at the airport. Anyone see anything odd about this? The Amish at the airport?? I thought they live without technology and stuff. Isn't an airplane technological? Come to think of it, if there are a lot of Amish in Pennsylvania, and if they do like to travel (this couple is an example after all), you would think we'd be seeing more wagons on our streets.

THEN road rage and traffic accidents would make more sense, because we'd have to share the road with horse-drawn wagons.

A girl's dream

Now I don't know how true this is in real life, but you hear in TV shows and movies all the time how little girls in grade school day dream about their perfect wedding, or what kids they will have, and sometimes even what they would name their kids. Is this possible? At this point girls still think boys are gross, and they're dreaming about their weddings? I mean I would think that kids of that age (who don't think to far into the future) have other things to think about.

When I was eight, my goals were getting ice cream, trying to get my parents to buy me a Cabbage Patch doll, and keeping my sister away from my toys.

Pizza slices

Have you ever wondered whose brilliant idea it was to cut pizza into squares? And then have you ever wondered WHY?? I ate a yummy pizza the other day, but the experience was less than perfect because it was cut into SQUARES. Once you get to the inside of the pizza, there's no crust to hold onto while eating, making it a more messy experience. I mean someone like me who is a messy eater as it is needs all the help she can get with keeping her fingers from drowning in sauce. And furthermore, you don't get the satisfaction of eating a pizza with the squares; it feels more like pizza when it's a triangular slice that takes a bit longer to finish (I like to nurse my food and drinks).

This is probably the stupidest thing I've seen since the Clearasil commercials trying to tell you that using the product will reduce pimples in 5 days (uh DUH, the pimples go away in about 5 days with or without the Clearasil, thank you very much).

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Cable

Ever notice how even with like 200-something channels with cable or satellite, there's still nothing to watch? You flip around just as much. And why do we need like 10 sports channels, 5 golf channels, 8 news channels, and 15 cooking channels? In our fast-food, go-go lifestyle, do people really try out all those recipes? And every news channel talks about what's going on in the middle east, but I don't think they give us new information. It's just more people dying, more bombs, more killings, more bombs, more killings, more hostages, more hostages, more bombs, more killings, more killings....

Instead, there should be like 8 Seinfeld channels, each starting with a different season, and then airing the shows in order, so you can pick at what point you want to watch the series. Now THAT would be worth it.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Sear's Tower

So Sear's Tower is the tallest building in the US, and something like the third tallest in the world. But when we approached it this past weekend while sightseeing, it was disappointing. It's kind of funny what we tend to expect when approaching such a building: that we are not going to be able to see the top, like Jack's beanstalk? And then you spend like an hour and a half in line to buy tickets (which are a useless $15) and stuff, just to get to the top only to spend like 15 minutes up there. Yeah, it's the tallest building in the US, but I'm sorry, after a certain height, the view is the same no matter how high up you are. And then why are people striving to get that high up only to waste change in those telescopes to try to see things closer up? You could see those things closer before; isn't the reason you went up to the tower is to see them from a distance?

And how egotistical of those who operate Sears Tower. The only reason it's the tallest structure is because of the height of it's towers on top. It's not like the floors go up that high. But the pamphlet they give you says "view the world." Good God. We can be so pompous in this country. Like the World Series. Come on, the World Series? Aren't they just the US national baseball finals?

Well, in that case, I'm like 5'8" (if my hair stood straight up) and you can call me Empress of the Universe, thank you very much.

Competition

Ever notice how passionate people can get when playing a friendly card or board game? I mean, even when we're not playing for money or anything, it can get pretty heated when I play games with friends. We were playing Yuker the other day and the dealer ended up having to call the trump. She was so upset and said something to the effect of, "So are we going to fuck the dealer?" Does it constitute fucking the dealer if no money is involved??? I mean her nonverbals were like she was jeapordizing so much. I'll admit I like to win, but the most fun for me is the bantering and laughter while playing.

Yet, on a game like Jeapardy, they're playing for money but still the game doesn't lead to arguments. I mean they're playing for money! But the people on that show are so stoic, it's hilarious. Now with a game like football it makes sense to have fighting or violence given what the game involves. Or over time we come to expect fights at a hockey game. But what would be really funny and entertaining would be to see verbal battles in Jeapardy: "You fucking asshole, the only reason you're winning is because you get all the easy answers!"

That might motivate those who don't normally watch the show to tune in and increase their general knowledge.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Excuse me

Why do we bother to say "excuse me" after we sneeze, cough or fart? I mean come on, what is going to happen if the person doesn't excuse us? I doesn't really matter does it, if it has already happened.

Duh.

Tennis skirts

Why do female tennis players wear those silly skirt/skort things? I mean in this day and age, women are now wearing pants and shorts like men in their day-to-day lives, but when playing a SPORT which involves running around, we expect them to wear something that looks like a skirt?

Why don't they just wear shorts?

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Stuffing

Why is it called stuffing if it's not stuffed in anything?

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Coffee and Bailey's

Doesn't putting Bailey's Irish creme in coffee defeat the purpose of coffee? I thought the purpose of coffee was to wake you up, to stimulate you. So then you put liquor in it, which is a depressant? If I want to get drunk, doesn't it make more sense to have a drink that's going to get me there faster? And if I want to wake up after going only on five hours of sleep, don't I want just coffee to wake me up for the day's rat race? Not to mention the fact that the creme ruins the taste of coffee.

So do people put Bailey's in coffee to see which one's going to win, the coffee or the liquor? Has anyone found the answer and care to share?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Pens

Okay, one key reason why we're such lazy-asses and don't get much accomplished is because people cannot frickin' figure out how to put PENS in their purses or backpacks, and spend too much time looking for one. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me to borrow a pen, I could probably fund my graduate education (yeah right). Anyway, when I worked the front desk of a counseling center at school, I always had students asking if they could borrow a pen. But you're a STUDENT who spends ALL day here! HOW were you planning on getting any work done? And then we'd run out of pens for clients to use to fill out their paperwork-argh.

I co-facilitated a focus group this morning and my partner didn't have a pen, and I was thinking: "But you're carrying a huge ass purse! What the hell is in there if there's no pen???" Pens are one thing we all should have right? Especially when that's about ALL companies give out for free when they're promoting themselves.

So, because we care more about and put more effort into having sex, pens should just be packaged along with condoms. How much am I gonna get for this brilliant idea???

Monday, June 26, 2006

Basketball

Isn't it funny how with really tall people, people assume they played basketball, or will play basketball? And they assume that just cuz someone is tall, they'd be good at basketball?

Well DUH, the taller someone is, the greater chance they have of making the basket. It's not rocket science folks. Isn't it more of a feat if a short person plays basketball? Or, why can't there be a basketball game created for those 5'5" and shorter? And to level the playing field when comparing them with the taller players, the basket can just be lowered.

Cell Phones

Okay, so I thought I was the old fogie with old technology. If people in general are so knowledgeable and sophisticated about cell phones and different ring tones and such, then why can't they understand the noises my cell phone makes? First it'll ring. Then, if I wasn't able to answer it, it'll beep telling me I have a voicemail. And that beeping will continue until I acknowledge the new message someone has left me. But do people get that? NO. "Boy, someone really wants to get a hold of you don't they?" they say.

Argh...that's the beeping telling me I have a voicemail!!! And it's not the same sound as my ring tone!!!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Sneezing

One thing I never understood is why people try to stifle their sneezes. How does that make you feel better? It's only going to make you want to sneeze more, rather than just getting it over with and all out when your body says it's time to. And some women can be so annoying with that, with their little girly sneezes. I'm like "God, just let it OUT! It's more annoying to hear you try to hold it back!"

So we're in a culture where people don't hold back expletives, run red lights and cut people off in traffic, but SNEEZING is what we hold back with???

Academy Awards

Have you ever wondered why there are Best Actress/Actor or Best Supporting Actress/Actor awards? I mean, I can understand best direction, cinematography, music, screenplay, or film. Those involve creativity and innovation to come up with something new. But best actor or actress? Whenever I watch the awards I think "Well, they all did pretty good, how can they pick just one to get the award?" And some roles require more than others, but within the context of each film, most actors and actresses seem to come through.

And what is the award for? For how well they can recite something in writing, and stand where the director tells them to stand or make a facial expression the director tells them to make? I mean the Tony awards are something to speak of because the actors are putting on a live performance and don't have the luxury of recording and outtakes.

So perhaps the Best Actress/Actor Oscars are based on whose director said "cut!" the least number of times?

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Dancing

Have you noticed how when couples "dance" it's not really dancing? I mean, with a slow song, it's more like just swaying back and forth isn't it? It's probably more of an excuse to just breathe down each other's necks. Or even at dance clubs, I wouldn't say that people there dance. They just kinda stay in one place and shake their hips a bit. And it's so crowded that that's all people really are able to do. I would say that ballet dancers or swing dancers actually dance.

Yeah, so most people don't dance. But I guess saying "May I have this dance" is better than "Will you sway with me and let me breathe down your neck?"

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Volume

I'm totally like Seinfeld: someone who always gets confused by the plot when watching a movie. I can't speak for him, but in my case it's a tad bit of ADHD. But I swear, the more irritating thing for me with movies is how there is at least one line in EVERY movie, that even after turning the volume ALL the way up, you still can't hear what the hell the person is saying. You turn it all the way up on your VCR or DVD player and it's like "mmfshsha." What the hell is THAT??? Ten bucks to the person who can name me a movie where that isn't an issue.

I swear, the writers do it to make it LOOK like they have a cool phrase in there when in reality, they just didn't know what to write, and thought they could pull one over on us. Well it ain't workin' on me!!

Nicorette gum

So now they apparently have Nicorette gum with fruit flavor. Um, I don't think that just because someone smokes, that they didn't like fruit. Now all of a sudden because they discover fruit- flavored gum, THAT'S supposed to help them stop smoking? I would think it'd be possible to like fruit and smoke at the same time. So how the hell is this gum supposed to help? It's supposed to taste like fruit, so how does that take away someone's craving for cigarettes?

Uh, I'm no genius, but here's an idea: Nicorette gum that tastes like CIGARETTES, maybe??

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Strawberries

I really like strawberries. They are one of my favorite fruits. They are great in cereal, to eat just by themselves, on pancakes and waffles, and strawberry jam on toast is sometimes good too. But I don't GET the concept of chocolate-covered strawberries. I'll tell you why: the chocolate takes over and takes away the taste of the strawberry. And only in the first bite do you get to eat both the chocolate and strawberry together. After that, as you try to take additional bites (cuz these strawberries tend to be huge), the chocolate crumbles off and you eat just the strawberry anyway. I was eating one last night and it was so annoying, because the chocolate pieces kept falling off as I tried to eat it.

So how are chocolate-covered strawberries that much different than having just the strawberries and pieces of chocolate sitting next to each other on a plate? Then you can have both great flavors without them ruining each other.

Friday, June 09, 2006

PUP

Why the FUCK does my computer keep saying "PUP found"????!!!!! It is so annoying to keep seeing that damn window and have to deal with it before I work on something.

As long as my computer is going out looking for stuff, why doesn't it go looking for something I can use? Like a winning lottery ticket!

Cups

You know, the size and type of cup used to drink a cup of coffee makes a huge difference in the coffee drinking experience. Have you heard of this? It's so true, I just realized. I've collected a few mugs over the years and I use my bigger mugs more now. And the ones with the shape of being narrow at the bottom and wide at the top are fun to use. Yesterday I had a cup of coffee in one of my older cups and just didn't enjoy it as much. It just didn't taste good. Amazing how the cup matters both in how the coffee tastes and how you feel as you drink it.

So I guess size does matter.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Names

Have you ever noticed how Buddy is a common, almost default, name that people give their dogs? My mom recently adopted a dog and his name, you guessed it, is Buddy. Now to her credit, that was his name before, so she decided to keep it that way.

Speaking of names, I get so tired of the common popular ones for babies, like Keelie, Kylie or Tanner. They are so trendy, and the girl names are so sugary---ick! It's fine if there is a significance to those names, like they are family names or something, but when people pull names out of their asses, that I think is stupid. (If you've been reading my blog, you already know how opinionated and judgmental I am. ;) ). Like the name Houston. Why would you name your child Houston?? And some people do even though they're not from Houston, have never lived in Houston, nor do they know anyone in Houston.

My sister, on the other hand, had the most creative and unique name for her teddy bear when she was a child: Dexter Beuford Hollingworth, Jr. Now that is a name I would consider for my kid if I have one.

Dreams

Last night I dreamt that I was showering with Lex Luther, the one from the tv show "Smallville." Ooooooo, needless to say, I woke up quite happy. ;)

Part of Freud's theory is that dreams are a socially-acceptable way for us to experience the things we can't have in our real lives. So I guess I can never actually shower with Lex-BLASPHEMY!! And, I also dreamt about Rachel from "Friends" getting it on with someone, and a bunch of people playing in the snow. WHY do I want Rachel to get action, or see others play in the snow? According to Freud, shouldn't I be the one getting it on with someone or playing in the snow? I'd like to play in the snow, and there's no real reason that I can't except for that I live in the desert, so it makes sense that I would dream about myself actually playing in the snow. How is it fun for me to watch others doing it?

So if Freud's theory is that dreams are a socially-acceptable way for us to get what we can't have, what I'd dream about is sleeping with Jake Gyllenhall, getting paid shit-loads of money for the wonderful ideas I generate at school, my manuscript getting published on the first try, and a few idiots I work with getting taken-out.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Milkshakes

So I went out for a milkshake with a couple friends, and the guy brings our milkshakes and then the "extras" in the metal canisters. When one of my friends saw my confused look, he said, "It's the rest of your milkshake, the amount that won't fit in the glass. They bring it like this. Don't ever go out for one and let them get away with not giving you the rest of it." And he said it like, "Duh, don't you know that?"

Uh, HOW was I supposed to know that??? How do I know the size of the canisters that a particular restaurant uses? And what if all that was made was served to me? Then I'd look like a jerk if I said "And where's the REST of my milkshake?"

Uh, here's an idea: why don't the restaurants get BIGGER glasses???

Blackouts

A blackout in the desert is such a joke. I mean, you get the whole song and dance with no finale. Heavy winds, dust storms, losing electricity for like 3 hours, for NO rain whatsoever. Hey, I don't mind sitting in the dark not doing anything and eating only a bagel and chips for dinner, as long as I can listen to the pretty pitter-patter outside, but nothin'! NOTHIN'!!

Hmmm, kinda like Priceline. They give you a whole song and dance about "naming your price" and you end up paying the full fare for the most part anyway.

False advertising

The GALL of allergy medicines to say on their covers that they take care of sneezing. I've been taking these fucking medications (stronger ones, and prescription ones mind you) to no avail and some mornings I still wake up sneezing like there's no tomorrow. Today I woke up sneezing and uncomfortable (also wondering if my AC's working or just making a lot of goddam noise), which also means I woke up saying "son of a mother-fucking bitch!!!!!" over and over again.

So THAT's what I need to do (if we're suckers for false advertising in this country): though I wouldn't sleep with most out there because they're losers, I should wear a sign anyway that says "yes, I'll have sex with you" in order to get taken out for free dinners.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Pineapple

I was hanging out at a friend's house this afternoon and she and her husband ordered pizza for us to eat while we watched a movie. They ordered one veggie that had pineapple on it. I don't understand why people like pineapple on pizza. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, and don't care for sweet n' sour dishes, or non-dessert dishes that are sweetened. They should be spicy, or salty, or tangy, and only desserts should be sweet. The pineapple took away from the taste from the wonderful broccoli, black olives, and green peppers, I'm sorry.

WHOSE idea was it to put pineapple on pizza?? Then why stop there? You could ruin pizza other ways by putting on it strawberries, grapes, hell, even M&M's...

Friday, June 02, 2006

Advisory

On the news this morning they said there is a heat advisory today. A heat advisory? Dude, we live in the desert, it's hot ALL the time. How is 113 degrees a heat advisory? We've had up to 128 degrees here one year. 113 degrees is COMMON right now.

That's like telling my friends there's a Seinfeld advisory when they hang out with me.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Sports

Okay folks, I have an announcement to make. We may think we're being controlled by Big Brother, the government, or cults. No, in reality, we are controlled by sports in this country. I mean, the obsession with sports teams and their stats and the VIPs and blah, blah blah, blah blah, I don't GET it. How does it help your life if your favorite team wins? What percentage of the credit can you take for their victory? I mean jeez, people say "We won! we won!" and Seinfeld couldn't be more right on by saying "No, they won, you watched." And you get your ass out there on some basketball court, and only then can you comment on how much a team's pointguard sucks. And only if your fantasy football team wins do you get to walk away with some cash, but other than that, after the finals, you're back to your sad and pathetic life.

But now with the internet, we have hit a new low among the spectator group. At least if people watch the game on tv, I can see the fun in following along and actually seeing the action. But now that the internet offers minute-by-minute updates, if people can't watch the game, they're always on the internet checking the score. And this happened at a party I was at. That's probably one of the worst insults, to get ignored in a conversation because most of the person's attention is on the computer checking the score when they could just find out the FINAL score after the game's over. They look like idiots, like how a man looks dumb-founded when seeing a woman walk by in a bikini on the hiking trail. Yet we don't pay enough attention to the crap our government is trying to pull, something that actually affects us.

If aliens are observing us, and see people fixated on the internet, or watching men in tight pants running around and smacking each other on the butt, who are they going to think is in control?

Aging

I've prided myself on being somewhat of a pseudo-minimalist but dear God, I'm only 30 and am already turning into an old spinster. I can't stand loud music, am single and have a cat, don't really drink, can't stand college students, meditate, am behind with technology (don't own an IPod or DVD player and have a dinosaur of a cell phone), have taken up crocheting, and go to bed at 9 and wake up at 5.

Now I just need my bifocals, white shoes, and to move to Florida.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Cuisine

I must share: I feel so relieved and much happier now that some friends at a bbq yesterday ate a bunch of dessert I had brought. My mom had made it and it's really good (an Indian dessert), but way to sweet for my taste, and I couldn't have finished it on my own.

But folks, I have to say, this is a relief because in my experience, it's quite rare. It's amazing to me that even in our gluttonous culture, people here in the US are so nervous about trying different foods. I mean yes, a part of me gets a bit hurt or annoyed when something I bring doesn't get appreciated or eaten, but more amazingly, people don't want to try new things so that they can have a wider variety in their meal selection? But noooo, and I don't think these folks have any idea how ridiculous they look when they crinkle up their nose and say, "What's THAT?"

Oh that's right, if it has anything other than salt, pepper or cinnamon, they have no idea what it is and of course it MUST be something gross. I mean hell, we're such pigs in this culture I'm surprised more people aren't trying different ethnic restaurants. Heaven forbid that you may be able to add more food choices to your lifestyle. Or, they want to Americanize a dish by adding something to it that no longer makes it an authentic Indian dish, for example, and takes away from the flavor that's supposed to be there.

I mean, would you meat-eaters out there put ketchup on your steak?

Celebrities

I love how on MSN they have the news blurb, "What you can learn from celebrity break-ups."

Uh, here's a stab in the dark: don't marry one?

House numbers

Okay, this is somewhat of a sad thing to have to admit, but looking for a house to which I am going for the first time causes me a good deal of anxiety. Getting to the street, no problem, but what is UP with those numbers being so damn small? I was looking for a house # 522 yesterday in BROAD DAYLIGHT and even I, who has almost perfect vision, had to squint to see it. What is the point of those numbers if they cannot be read from the street??? And don't get me started on the various places the numbers could be. Some are near the front door, some are on the garage door, some are painted on the curb...so I have no idea where to look to see if I'm at the right house. And those painted on the curb are totally useless as they have worn off. I felt like such a dork stopping for like 20 seconds at a few houses and peering out my car window until I finally got to # 522, and even then, the only reason I recognized the house was because my friend's motorcycle was out front.

How hard is it to standardize the location and size of these numbers? Where are my tax dollars going? It can't cost that much to redo the numbers. We're like the world's greatest superpower and we can't have better numbering of our houses? In that case, it's easier to find houses in Costa Rica, even where (and probably because) the streets have no name! (Hey, is that the place U2 is singing about?)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Accessories

We accessorize WAY to much in this country. I don't think people give enough thought to whether there is a practical use at all to the shit they buy. And for women, it's worse. You have the liquid shower soaps that need those damn squooshy, spongy things. You need shampoo, conditioner, gel, hairspray, yada yada, a washcloth, towel and a hair towel. A hair towel. So if these towels are more absorbent than regular bath towels, then why not have all towels be made of that same material?? You can then spend less time toweling off at the end. I'm not your stereotypical woman at all (and proud of it). I have my dial bar soap, 2-in-1 shampoo, no washcloth, and regular towels, and I've still gotten compliments on my hair and the way I smell. In the bathroom, I'm all about in n' out.

And don't get me started on this table cover thing I just learned about. Have you heard of this? A cover for your table. I can't quite remember the name but it's something like a table mat, or table board, or whatever. It's put on the table so that the table surface doesn't get damaged with hot pans. Hmmm, so you buy an expensive table whose top you can't really use? You've already spent all this money on a table and then have to spend additional money on a cover? Don't people generally have table cloths on their tables all the time anyway? So why get an expensive table if not only can you not see it all the time, but can't use it?

Well, guess I shouldn't say anything. I've got a hot bod that isn't getting used.

Movies

Ever notice how one way that a new movie's success is measured is by the amount of ticket sales the first weekend it opens? The first weekend. So how can you say with that that the movie is a good one? Unless people go to see the movie, they can't give their reviews, can they? And people are not very discriminatory in this country with the movies they see (look at all the crappy movies that are released every year). So just because they went to see it for the FIRST time doesn't mean the movie's a success.

That's almost like saying that by simply existing, just being, people are contributing to the world. And we all know that's not true.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Restaurants

So tonight I ate dinner at a Chinese restaurant with a friend, and when we get our bill, it says "Guest Check" on the top. So if we're GUESTS of the restaurant, then why do we have to pay? And not only that, we have to tip, which is paying the waiters or waitresses extra for doing a job that they're supposed to do anyway. And even with that, there's rarely a happy medium between too much and too little attention from them. They either interrupt a conversation in which I'm speaking passionately about something, and at the inopportune time, ask me if everything's okay. But when I don't have water, they're never around for like 20 minutes to ask for a refill on water.

And oh yeah, so what IS it with some places not even giving you any water at the beginning? Water is a basic necessity. It is like GOLD in the desert, folks. You need it ALL the time. But it is still amazing how many places slack off with hydrating you enough. They should just line up glasses of water on a table near the door as you walk in, so that you have it right away and the waiters don't have to remember to put it at your table at the beginning.

So next time I invite guests to my house for dinner, I'll put a water cooler near the front door, and give them a bill at the end.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Waiting

Boy have our priorities gotten completely screwed up in today's go-go lifestyle. We can't wait and deal with a 3-second delay on the internet, want only CD's or DVD's because we don't want to deal with 30 seconds of fast-forwarding, and we want a jump drive so that we can store more information in less space, in turn giving ourselves more work to do at home.

But the funny thing with me is that today, I actually wanted to WAIT in the waiting room at the doctor's office. See, because this time, I actually remembered to bring the book I'm reading. I HAD the book, so I wanted to use it for that purpose! But noooo, the doctor with his go-go schedule called me like a minute after I sat down. And then I dropped my prescription off at the pharmacy, went to the bathroom and then sat down, hoping to read some of the good book while the pharmacist was getting my prescription ready, and a second later, it's ready. I didn't get to read the book, again.

I'm not upset because I necessarily wanted to read the book then and there, but because I HAD it to be able to read in the room in which I was expecting to WAIT.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Gift registries

Have you ever thought about what a gift registry means? I mean, it's pretty selfish if you think about it. It's like "I'm getting married, and here's the stuff I want you to buy me." Or, "I'm having a baby and here's what I want my baby to be wearing after it's born." I mean, why should I care about your wedding or baby? Now that we live in 2006, when people are post-poning marriage and families to further their education, or choosing not to have families at all, why can't those folks have showers? I should have a "I'm going to continue to be a poor student for the next 4 years" shower. I mean hell, I need money, a laptop...but you're probably thinking "why should I care that you're going back to school?" aren't you? That's what I thought.

I had sent out a wish list to close friends and family of birthday gifts. This is the first time in many, many years that I asked for anything for my birthday. In the past I always pulled the "I just want your lovely presence, please don't bring gifts." I mean, I turned 30 this year, a milestone (not to mention I'm a poor starving student), so I wanted the celebration to be special.
But one person's nonverbals were telling me she thought it was ridiculous of me to ask for gifts. But um, last time I checked, birthdays have been associated with gifts, am I wrong? So rather than people giving me shit I wouldn't use (cuz if you haven't noticed, people who have known you for many many years still won't know what to get you), I thought I'd just let people know. Or, just get me what you can afford, and if you don't consider me to be a close friend, then don't get me anything and it's okay, my world won't fall apart. Just shut up about it. I mean jeez, gifts at a birthday party, SHOCKER.

To top all this off, when people get the gifts they registered for, they still act so surprised when they open them. You get the "Ohhh, that is sooo nice. It is so beautiful! I haven't seen anything like it, it's going to come in handy. Thank you!!"

So you didn't KNOW you might be getting that as a gift if you registered for it?? It's also funny how some folks don't want to know the sex of the baby until it's born. "We want to be surprised," they say. Surprised?? I thought that, for the most part, it can be one of two things, a boy or a girl.

You know what would be a surprise? Meeting a man who's not chicken shit.

God bless

I love when you hear on people's outgoing messages: "Have a great day and God bless." or when they sign greeting cards that say "God bless." In case you haven't figured it out, I DON'T love it (I was being sarcastic, imagine that).

That expression is quite pompous isn't it? What, you talked to God directly and KNOW that he blesses me? How do you not know I'm a jerk and God has decided I'm going to hell?

I should end my messages with, "May you have learned from your pansy-assed actions in this lifetime and not be born as a cockroach in your next life."

Miracle

I love how many people consider the birth of a child to be a miracle, particularly those religious ones who subscribe to gender stereotypes. I had a conversation with a male friend on Friday, and he believes that it's a shame that so many women don't want to have families and focus on a career instead. "Because having a child is such a miracle," he said. Okay, hmm. I don't get the miracle aspect of it quite frankly. You have unprotected sex and a sperm fertilizes an egg and there you have it. And then the woman has to push something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape (relatively speaking, of course). So explain what part's the miracle exactly?

The miracle would be suddenly given a child without having to go through pregnancy, having them be little princes and princesses during adolescence, and them not needing to take your money. With that said, my cat's more of a miracle. She costs a lot less money and doesn't talk back.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Allergies

So not only does 120-degree heat come with the territory when living in the desert, but so does having allergies. So when I glare at you, that's my "I have allergies" eye. Because, as empathic and caring as I am (cuz I have to be for my damn profession), the one time I do not care to get loving attention in return is when I'm sneezing due to allergies. It's so annoying when women with their annoying little saccharine voices say "Oh sweetie, are you sick? Do you have a cold?" (That's almost worse than the 10 sneezes in 5 seconds.)

"NO!!!!!! I'm fucking sneezing all the time because of this damn desert weather."

But rather than say all that, I'll just glare at you. Not the stink eye, not the evil eye, not the crook eye, not the "it's so hot" eye, but the glaring allergy eye.

Phone books

I don't think I've hated material objects in my life as much as I hate the phone book. Funny, I've completely personalized it, and resent it. Another couple phone books showed up on my doorstep yesterday. AGAIN. Why the hell they think I need them, I do not know. We now have internet where I can look up businesses and people. So if we have dexonline, why does Dex keep showing up at my door? And worse yet, there's no place nearby where I can go to recycle them, all the more reason to resent them. So for the past few times I've gone in and out of my apartment, I've just looked the other way, snubbed 'em.

But you know, snubbing material objects just isn't as satisfying, cuz they don't know you're snubbing them. That's the fun in snubbing in the first place, having the object being snubbed know they're being snubbed.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Fun

Okay, so I was eating some M&M's today, from the small, miniature packets. Do you realize this size of M&M packets is called the "fun size"? Fun size. I wouldn't call eating fewer M&M's as being FUN. In my book, the more the merrier with M&Ms but hey, that's just me.

You know what would be fun? Not having to interact with those annoying people who like to tell you to smile. "Jeez, smile for a change why don't ya?" Who the hell are you to tell me to smile? I spend a long fucking day of talking to classmates, instructors, clients, students, family, friends, blah, blah blah, blah blah, and I will have you know that like 90% of the time, I'm a pretty fun, cheerful and pleasant person to be around who usually has a smile on my face, despite the dimwits I have to talk to all the time. So if one day I'm not quite feeling 100% CHIPPER, give me some slack, ok? Hell, I work like an 80-hour week, so if I want to not smile for 1 out of 60 days, that's my perogative.

What would be a good comeback for the annoying, "Why don't you smile?" Probably, "Because I'm looking at your sorry ass."

Monday, April 10, 2006

Soy sauce

So I was eating my lunch today (stir-fry noodles, tofu, broccoli and a spring roll-quite yummy, I made it myself) and put soy sauce on it. Well, in order to cover all the food with the sauce I poured a good amount, in concentric circles around the container so as to get good coverage. So you know where this is going right? I poured too much. I always forget that soy sauce is in fact soy WATER and I end up with a puddle of it at the bottom of the container. And when the spring roll accidentally slipped out of my hand, it splattered some "sauce" on me.

So if we're capable of instant messenger, nanotechnologies and cloning, why can't we come up with a soy sauce that's really a sauce: thicker so that it's easier to dip the spring roll, and it doesn't make a puddle at the bottom of the bowel?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The gym

I think health gyms are probably the organizations who make the most amount of money for the least amount of effort. Think about it, how many people do you know who have gym memberships actually use them? Now don't get me wrong, there are a few people who do go about an hour or so every day or every other day and put their money to use.

But, there are 2 extremes for the most part. People who either don't go at all, or those who go for like 4 hours a day. In the first case, they're wasting money while the gyms say "suckers!", and in the second case, they have no life cuz they just work and go to the gym, that's it. Who in their right mind is motivated to do something like that? 4 HOURS??? Exercise is supposed to help you be more productive in your life, not keep you from having a life.

And what really blows me away is that instead of doing something fun for exercise like playing ball and enjoying nice weather, people would rather spend 4 hours in a building which a bunch of machines and smelly, stinky, sweaty people. Can you imagine: "No honey, I don't want to have sex with you, I have to go sweat on the stairmaster instead."

Vision

So pilots have to have 20-20 vision. But those who drive don't, yet on the road people have to read traffic lights, signs, see other cars' turn signals, and watch out for bikers and pedestrians. Okay, makes sense.

So why DO pilots have to have 20-20 vision? They have the control tower telling them what's coming, and they look out and just see a fog anyway. So they need perfect vision to see the controls in the cockpit just a few inches away from them?

In that case, men should have to have 20-20 vision in order to engage in any sexual activity. I've had situations where it was like, "Ouch, that's my NIPPLE. It's small and delicate, so why the hell are you treating it like it's a popsicle??!"

Sunday, April 02, 2006

International travel

International travel is like a huge slumber party. You're in a large plane with 200 people who are talking, watching movies together, eating together, and sleeping VERY close to each other. Except it's worse than a slumber party. It's kinda gross if you think about it; sometimes you're spending like 10 hours with these people, some of whom have not showered or brushed their teeth in who knows how long.

So then, you would think that the immigration line at the airport would go much faster but no, they are painfully slow. Why do those officers want to spend that much time talking with people who haven't brushed their teeth and have bed hair and rings under their eyes?

Trash cans

Okay, I am a very culturally-sensitive person and I'd like to think I am not ethnocentric. But I'm sorry, there is one thing that I cannot understand outside of the US: lack of trash cans. When I visit my family in India, there is just one "dust bin" in the ENTIRE house. When I was in a hostel in London, we had to ask a number of times for a trash can before we got one. What do the people in these places DO? How hard is it to have a trash can in the rooms where you'd frequently need one?

If I'm brushing my hair and I have a bunch of hair that comes out of my brush, am I supposed to put it in my pocket until I come across a trash can?

Training bras

Okay, so it's called a training bra. A training bra. I don't get it. What is the girl being trained for? It's not like training wheels on a bike where she completely loses it after a while. From that point forward, she has to always wear a bra. So it's not training. She actually NEEDS it at that point, and will continue to need it for the rest of her life.

In that case, we could have training shoes, training underwear, and apparently what's needed now (given guys not being able to pull their pants up all the way so that I have to see the poka dot boxers), training jeans and khakis.

Money

Okay, so, whose brilliant idea was it to have value of currency coins have no relevance to their size? So our dime is smaller than our nickel though it's worth more, and the penny is larger than the dime, which is worth less.

Now of course I don't have to think about US currency since I've lived here my whole life; I know it now, right? But when I go to another country and their currency has the same UNlogic, it takes me flippin' 10 minutes to buy a damn candy bar as I'm trying to figure out which coins to give the cashier.

Logic, folks, is not only underrated, but it is underUSED.

Museums

So I saw the Tate Museum and the British Museum in London last month, and realized that I am a historical museum person, NOT an art museum person. In a historical museum, you can learn about cultures, history, religion, etc. It's interesting, and I walked out with more knowledge than I had walking in.

In an art museum on the other hand, you are walking around looking at a bunch of paintings and sculptures and after a while, they all look the same. And then you have those know-it-alls who make cheesy comments like, "Here you can see that his choice of colors indicates his strong emotional state at the time, yada yada yada." And people say such complete bollocks (like how I put that British phrase in there? ;) ) with such CONFIDENCE! How the hell do YOU know what that artist was thinking when doing that painting 100 years ago??? For all we know, they were drunk when they threw something together to make a few bucks.

Then, to insult people's reading capability, these museums offer audio tours for like 15 bucks. 15 bucks! Why do I want to spend that? So that I can walk around with headphones on listening to an annoying voice telling me what I can already read on the sign next to the painting??? But amazingly, you still see people taking the museum up on this offer and they look ridiculous walking around with these headsets. Next time I'll have to ask someone who uses the audio tour what they learned and if it's worth the 15 bucks.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Pasta

So I went out to an Italian restaurant with a couple friends last night and was thinking, "Why the hell do people need a giant spoon to help twirl their pasta?????" People are incapable of cutting it, or twirling it above their plates? No, instead, why don't we add another piece of silverware to the already crowded table: shrimp fork, salad fork, dinner fork, spoon, knife, big ass spoon for twirling, glass, wine glass, salad plate, appetizer plate, dinner plate..good lord. Yet notice how you just get one skimpy paper napkin that's supposed to last the whole meal.

All of those utensils take all the fun out of eating for me. I can't help but think people need that big ass twirling spoon just because they think they look cool while they're doing it. Think about it: all you need is a glass, plate, spoon, fork, and about 20 napkins. On the other hand, forget about the spoon and fork, we should just be able to dig our hands in and chomp down!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Crochet

So last Saturday I got a chance to play crochet for the first time at a friend's birthday party. Well, the first time in that I was old enough to actually remember how to play the game. And it got me thinking: whose brilliant idea was it to create a game like this?? Is it supposed to be relaxing? How is trying to get the little ball through the wicket relaxing?? And wicket, that's an interesting word. Say it often enough and it loses all meaning. Wicket. Wicket. Wicket. Same thing with golf, I'm sorry, I don't get it. Trying to get the little ball into the hole frustrates me more than it relaxes me. Oh yeah, and then they show golf tournaments on tv??!! Man, that's exciting, I'm going to sit on my couch watching a golf player take 15 minutes to concentrate on the ball before hitting the damn thing. Invigorating.

Now with sex, there can be frustration involved with that, but at least there is a chance for an exciting outcome, a peak. Not just getting the thing into the hole.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Veggie Pizza

Okay, so only veggie pizza should exist, not any pizza with meat. Oh my gosh, why such a drastic statement you ask? Well, first off, yes, I'm vegetarian. I don't have anything against the people who eat meat (the act of eating meat, well, that's a different matter) but if they love meat so much answer me this: WHY do they always go after the veggie pizza when they have a choice? They always say it looks and tastes better, eat that without being cognizant of the vegetarians who can't eat the meat pizza, and end up getting more food. And why in the world do they want to eat more??? So many fucking calories in the meat pizza and on top of that they want to eat my veggie pizza? Are they not embarrassed at all? Buncha gluttons...

So that's why only veggie pizza should exist, because everyone likes it and then the vegetarians won't get screwed. Maybe doing away with the pig and intestines from the menu (aren't people grossed out by that by the way?) we'll have a healthier population here in the US too.

Uh huh, didn't think you'd have a come back for that one.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Rats

Have you noticed how people are always taking results from experiments done on rats and applying them to humans? I mean, I know as humans we can be pretty despicable, but being compared to rats, now that's just lowest of the low isn't it?

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Clothes

Okay, just wanting to make sure I understand now, that the goal of wearing clothes is to cover whatever part of your body you want covered and then move on with your day and forget they're there, right? Or I gather that's the general idea?

Then why the HELL do some women wear certain tops if they constantly have to check them to make sure their boobs are covered adequately? This girl who sat across from me in a seminar today (who for the most part I cannot stand by the way, for most reasons which I won't go into here) was constantly looking down at her chest and adjusting her top. And it was one of those criss-cross-type tops where each side wraps over each boob individually. And so she'd look down, and pull the blouse up. If I had a nickel for every time she did it...and don't get me started on the flipping of the hair and the constant "like, you know what I mean? like,..." (you'll have to imagine I'm saying that in a valley girl way).

You also have the shorts that are too short and the girls pull those down against their legs. I mean they might as well be picking at a wedgy all the time!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Thin mints

I love this time of year: Girl Scout cookies. At least you feel like your money is being spent (and pounds added to your body) for a good cause. But, why are the Thin Mints called Thin Mints? They're not really that thin. If they are thin, then what are the mints you get at Olive Garden? They are much thinner than these cookies-so they should be called Thinner Mints? Or potato chips are thinner than the Girl Scout Thin Mints aren't they? Then shouldn't they be called "thin potato chips"?

Do fat mints exist? Quite honestly, I haven't seen mints thicker than the Girl Scout Thin Mints. Has someone else seen them and I just happen to not know about them?

Anybody?

The American People

Have you noticed that people in this Bush administration are always saying "The American People" ? I mean it's getting corny and annoying isn't it? I mean, American people. Well that's good that they're specifying that because otherwise we'd think they meant American donkeys.

Well, wait come to think of it, no we wouldn't. Given how little this administration seems to care about the people of this country, maybe unless they specify we would think they meant the donkeys. Okay, I get it now.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Eggrolls

Okay, so why haven't we figured out a way to standardize, or perhaps even define, what exactly an eggroll is? Some places will put egg in it. Others will have chicken or some other kind of meat. And vegetarian doesn't always mean just vegetables because some vegetarians eat eggs or chicken. So if you want a truly vegetarian eggroll, at some places you have to order a spring roll. But some places have spring rolls with meat. And then I was at a Japanese festival yesterday and was at a booth waiting to order and saw that their menu just said "eggrolls" so I asked if it's possible to get vegetarian eggrolls. She told me that all their eggrolls are vegetarian. HOW in the world was I supposed to know that?? Then why didn't they just put "vegetarian eggrolls" on the menu??

All of this mental effort......for an eggroll.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Results

So we hear all the time how we should enjoy the "journey" of getting toward a goal, rather than just the "destination." That's how you learn, grow, have fun, and really be content. The cliches get old don't they? Well, guess that's why they're called cliches: stop and smell the roses, or, the joy is in the journey, enjoy the ride because the view once you get there doesn't last too long, yada yada yada.

Yeah, I believe the joy's in the journey. But right now I'd rather be going 120 mph rather than 35.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Songs

Ever notice how it's the first 2/3 of a song that is the most fun to listen to? I mean, after most of the song is over, I want to change the radio station, or change the CD track. I mean think about it, the beginning has a catchy beat to get you to start listening, and the stanzas have good lyrics. But after that, once it's just down to the chorus being repeated over and over, WHY would anyone want to listen? And some just go on and on and on and on and on and it's like "all right aleady, I GET it! her body is a wonderland, blah, blah, blah."

So at the recording studio, they should just abruptly stop the recording after 2/3 of the song has been recorded. Or the DJs on the radio station should just stop the music at that point. Wouldn't that be nice?

But guess we can't always have what we want. I would also like a remote to be able to stop those annoying, flaky, flighty and nosy people from talking to me. It's like "STOP and I'm going to move on with my day, have a nice life."

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Who am I?

That's the classic question that everyone asks himself or herself isn't it? Who am I? What am I doing here? What is the meaning of life? I mean, we're trying to find the answer to these questions yet most people haven't yet figured out how to leave a phone message answering my original question so as to avoid phone tag. But that's another issue.

As a kid I remember a friend saying "I told my mom that my toe is me, and she said it's not me." (Yet again, children attempting to answer such metaphysical questions even when they haven't yet figured out how to follow directions. Sorry, again I digress.) And you always hear the same sayings over and over again (which start to get old): "Your body isn't you, it's what's inside that defines who you are." or "What's on the inside is what matters." As an adult I started to understand how my job does not define who I am, but just something I do to earn a living.

But now I have a professor who says, "Your ideas are not you. Or your interpretations when counseling clients are not you." Well hell, those things came from INSIDE me, didn't they?

So who the hell am I? Cuz I'm not my toe, not my body, not my job, and now my bubble's been burst and I find out I'm not my ideas. Well, we're made up of atoms that are mostly space, so guess I'm a buncha nothin'.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Partner

Okay, so now it's the "in" thing to call your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend your "partner?" Not "boyfriend" or "wife" or "husband?" On the one hand I think it's great because it doesn't alienate homosexuals and it gets away from the implication of gender stereotypes. After all, these significant others are partners in life.

That's great, but sometimes it makes it harder for me to tell if someone's gay or not.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Research

So I'm part of this research project: providing parenting classes for families going through divorce and testing the effectiveness of the program. I'm going to be co-facilitating the classes with a colleague. I have the phone numbers of the people who have signed up and we are supposed to contact them, do the initial interview, and get to know their situations before the actual group starts. Many of these people do not return my phone calls, and another stood me up last night; I was waiting at HER house to do the interview, mind you.

Our supervisors say to keep calling, that these people are very very busy and we need to leave many many messages before we can hook up with them. Well fuck, you know, I'm really really busy too. And if you think about it, this effort doesn't make sense. So we're creating classes to help people cope with divorce, and we need to test how well the classes work. But in order to test how well they work, we need participants. But the participants aren't really showing an interest. So we're doing all this work to improve a program for which there is no demand?

Don't get me wrong, being in the social work area, of course I advocate education and preventative interventions. But with this experience I can't help but think of a fridge magnet a friend of mind has which says "Why solve a problem when you can spend time researching it instead?"

Friday, February 10, 2006

Cheese

Why do people like cheese? It tastes good? And I mean so many people eat it without anything, like crackers. I can't stand cheese but I can at least comprehend eating cheese and crackers. But cheese without crackers? That's just mushy crap, I'm sorry. And today, this woman sitting next to me in class takes out this BLOCK of cheese and eats the whole thing. With the smell and look of it I thought I was going to vomit. So people eat that...then why don't they just take out a container of sour cream and eat it all up with a spoon?

So yes, I do believe there are rules about eating, and another is that celery should not be eaten raw. It needs to at least have peanut butter with it. I have a friend who eats raw celery without anything on it and not only that, she pulls off strands and eats them, like how you'd eat string cheese. So then why doesn't she just eat dental floss?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Boyfriends

I've been in just one exclusive dating relationship, in which we actually referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. The others either never turned into anything serious, or weren't exclusive. However, I've still only really dated one guy at a time, so after the break-ups, I referred to them as boyfriends (or rather, ex-boyfriends). It's easier that way than saying long explanations like "the guy I was seeing at the time" or "the guy I dated off and on for 8 months."

Makes sense. Kind of like how there was officially no World War I until there was a World War II.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

People

I swear, the more people I meet, the more I like my cat.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Intelligence

So I'm in class the other day and my professor starts asking the class about all these authors and pieces of writing. Dickens wrote this, Robert Frost wrote that, yada yada yada. Nobody knew anything (of course we all are products of public education in this country). He asked at one point, "You guys don't know this?" And mind you, we're not even studying literature in this program.

But you know, who cares? How does knowing what Dickens wrote versus whoever else prove you're intelligent? Dickens wrote it-that shows intelligence on HIS part. How are we supposed to be intelligent just because we can match up the author with his piece of writing and sit around and TALK about it? Furthermore, how in the world does knowing this information help you to make money or get laid?

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Cookbook

With my birthday coming up, I've been thinking about what gifts I'd like to receive. And then I remembered one gift that I got over Christmas: a cookbook. A cookbook. I mean I was just jumping for joy and couldn't WAIT to play with it! Man, really something I can use right away!

That's the stupidest gift EVER! Well, I guess it's the thought that counts. Yeah, whatever. If ANY amount of thought had been put into that, she would've realized that I'm a full-time STUDENT who barely has time to make the dishes I already know how to make, much less take the time to make new ones. And I've been racking my brain trying to figure out when I gave the impression that I'm always cooking and love to try new recipes.

Maybe next Christmas I'll get her a calculus book.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Instruction manual

So there's this cute guy at school I have a crush on and, (I'm a little worried about speaking too soon), I think he likes me too. Man, if there were a dating instruction manual for women, it'd be like a never-ending loop, with each message contradicting another:

-Don't be an adult about it and ask him out directly, you'll look needy.
-Ask him out, guys like women who take the initiative for a change.
-Play it cool and hide your true feelings.
-Be yourself.
-But if you reveal that part of yourself too soon it could be a turn-off, timing is everything.
-Why ask him out now? The flirting and head games are fun.
-Guys are so relieved and appreciative when you ask them out, because it's just as hard for them to do.
-Don't date a guy who doesn't ask you out first, that's how you really know he's in to you.
-He's in to you. He's just a shy pansy-assed bitch. (So you'll never go out with him anyway.)
-He's not shy, he's just being a jerk by leading you on.
-Play it cool and work on the friendship first. The best relationships come from friendships.
-Act fast before someone else takes him.
-Don't wait too long cuz once he thinks of you as a friend, you'll have less of a chance.
-He asked you out, but that's just because he thinks of you as a friend who also wanted to see that movie.
-Don't ask him out; guys like women who are hard to get.

So we're being elusive with each other even when we like each other. Hmm, makes sense. Probably why a lot of people don't hook up, yet complain about being single.

Terror

So we're fighting the war on terror. Okay, that's good. Cuz for a while there (you know, with the war against Iraq, and attacking Pakistan the other day) I thought terror was a good thing. Glad I'm straight on that.

And I am allowed to voice my feelings against the war as long as I don't say Bush lied or that it's about oil. Whew, close one, cuz before, I thought I had the right of free speech.

The Shins

Okay, what is up with the popularity of this group? They have songs that just go on and on with no crescendo. And you can't make out what they're saying! Do people like them because of the name? Is it the cool new fad, even if they're not that great? So you feel cool by saying "I like the shins." I mean that one song on the Garden State soundtrack: I cannot for the life of me figure out what they are saying. It just goes on and one with "turn, turn me live, turn, turn, hmmmmm...tuuuuurn, tuuurrrn"

So is it their name that makes them cool? I think of my legs when I hear the name. I have nice legs but still...

Friday

So I'm trying to drive home from school at frickin' 3 pm today and run into traffic on the freeway. At 3 pm!!!! It's amazing we get any work done in this country. I think in reality we have like a 30-hour work-week instead of a 40-hour one. I mean think about it, there are always excuses about why work isn't being done. "It's Friday so I'm leaving a little early." SO what? Why can't you start the weekend after the week is supposed to end: at FIVE? "It's Monday so I'm coming in at 10." What, the 2 days off wasn't enough for you? And then after coming in at 10 on Monday, of course there is talk about how the weekend went and before you know it, it's lunch time. Then you go out to lunch, come back and maybe check email for a while. Cuz you know, you can't really work or concentrate cuz you just ate. And then after putzin' around for a few hours, it's time to go home again. Tuesday is when the real work starts. Then Thursday afternoon, people start talking about their weekends at the water cooler, shaving some more time off the afternoons there. So with Monday off, and some hours Thursday and Friday afternoons, that's only like 30 hours of work a week.

And don't get me started on holidays. For Thanksgiving people get Thursday off, so they take Friday off, which makes sense, otherwise you'd have to go to work for just that last Friday before the weekend. But now people take the Wednesday before off too. Pretty soon we'll be having a Thanksgiving week. And what's up with high school proms these days? It used to be you just went to the dance. Then it turned into dinner and dance. Then it turned into a day activity then dance. Now, people leave town on Thursday to go to Disneyland before the dance.

So yeah, it's not just work that suffers, but school too. And in grade school, Mondays are spent with show-and-tell. Then for math, half the time is spent in returning graded papers, so maybe 10 to 15 minutes get spent on a new lesson. And then of course because it's FRIDAY, they watch movies all day. And that's not the only way that education is put on the back-burner in this country. Don't get me started on how I can't park in a parking spot I paid for just because there's a football game at the university that afternoon, and people who want to watch a bunch of guys grunting and running each other down get to park in the lot.

If you want to watch the guys grunting and get beat up, that's fine, hey, I'm not here to tell you how to spend (or waste) your time. Just stop complaining that kids in other countries are smarter than us and take our jobs.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Lips n' lotion

My birthday's coming up in less than 2 months and you know what would be really nice to get? (Well I mean, in addition to my own private jet and island with Jake Jillenhall on it.) Self-moisturizing lips and hands. I mean, if I added up the time I spend in one day doing those things (putting on lip balm and lotion), it's probably half my life.

So I get out of the bathroom and have to put on lotion because my hands were dried out from washing them. But then I eat lunch and have to wash my hands again, after which point I have to put the lotion back on. Sometimes I think, "Well, I'm just going to eat soon so I'll hold off on the lotion," but now that my hands are so used to lotion, they feel dry and weird without it, and it's even hard to eat without it.

Same thing with the lip balm. My lips are dry so I put it on. But then I eat so it comes off and I have to reapply it. But then I'm really thirsty and after guzzling down a glass of water, it comes off again and so I have to put it on again. And then a while after eating, I have to go to the bathroom again...

Help, River Selkie!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Skateboard

What is UP with those scooter things? They're not quite skateboards and they're not quite bikes. They look so cheesy to me. It's like, "Hey look, I don't know how to ride a bike or skateboard, but THIS I can do. I can roll and hold on at the same time!"

And yes, I have a right to criticize this because I already do know how to ride a bike, and yesterday I started riding a skateboard a bit, and didn't do too bad for my first time. So THERE.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Skin

Seinfeld's wrong (didn't think I'd see the day when I'd say that!). You can to over-dry. After you towel off after getting out of the shower your skin is dry. In the desert, especially in the winter, your skin is OVERdry, trust me. Itchy itchy itchy. It's driving me crazy!

And, ever wonder why sometimes people say "not a long trip" after the "driving me crazy" phrase? I mean, the phrase isn't "driving TO crazy." THEN crazy would technically be a destination. But not without the "to."

Sunday, January 08, 2006

2006

It's 2006. 2006! 2006!! 2006!!!!!!!!!

Does anybody besides me have a problem with this??? Where in the world has the time gone? What the hell have I accomplished this past year?

Shouldn't we be wearing one-piece silver suits and flying around in saucers by now????

Dating,

is a no-win situation for a 29 year-old heterosexual female graduate student. Sorry guys, but it's true. If he's successful, he's an asshole. If he's a nice guy, he's boring. If he's sweet and caring, he doesn't have enough money to be on his own. If he's good-looking, he has no sense of humor. If he's attractive, he's afraid of commitment. If he's sexy, he's chicken-shit. If he's into eastern philosophy, he's an alcoholic. And if he has "all" qualities, he's too intimidated to date an independent, driven and intelligent woman.

If there could only be a pill I could take to become bi-sexual. I'd have so many more options that way: all kinds of great sex and a greater shot of finding a life partner who's worthy.

Conversation with Family

No matter what the topic of discussion in my family, the conversation always ends with "That's just how it is." Doesn't matter what we're discussing-politics, religion, traffic, movies-the conversation ends with "that's just how it is." I'm not kidding you. And it's said in Marati by mom: "Aasa ahe Tai." That irritates me to know end. Some are such fatalists in my family, like they have no control over their lives. I mean, if they think they're going to be born as an ant in the next life, they accept it and say "that's just how it is."

So why doesn't that response fly when they ask me why I'm not married?

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Family,

is like the dining experience of a starving graduate student. Even though the food is dissatisfying, you still have to have it and deal with it.

Vegas

Okay, so for those of us who are not really into gambling, the point of Vegas is to just go and look at one hotel after another? So those of us who can't afford to stay in those hotels should just be grateful for being able to look at the lobby and the ridiculously expensive shops? And I love the Aladdin one, where it feels like you're outside when you're actually inside. So what's the point of being inside if it looks like the outside? If you want the feeling of being outside, go outside, not inside.

And does anyone besides me think it's cheesy to have smaller remakes of the Statue of Liberty and Eiffel Tower on the strip? You folks can't see the real thing, so here's a miniature one for ya. Lame, come on, it's like "ha ha, can't have the real thing so look at these replicas." I mean, I don't hang my vibrator outside my front door do I?

Santa

Ever wonder why Santa is always shown smiling? I mean really, would you be that perky if you had to deliver presents to all the kids in the world on one night? And we all know that not all these kids are pleasant all the time, far from it. It makes more sense for Santa to have a frustrated look and say, "I'm tired and leave me alone you greedy, ungrateful pansy-assed bitches!"