People watching

Seinfeld was so right when he said, "Humans love to watch other humans." So true...I mean perhaps we'd be a bit more content if we stopped comparing ourselves to others and focused on being better people in general. I dunno, JUST an idea...

But the part that is most funny to me is how we are so into the lives of celebrities. Perhaps if we spent just half that time trying to enhance our own lives we'd also be more content. I dunno, JUST an idea...

And what's even funnier to me is that we get offended when those close to us give us "negative" feedback and we consider that as them "judging" us. But these are people who know us the most and have the information to actually be able to judge, and yet we feel we can judge celebrities when we know even LESS about them! Like when my mom says to me, "I'm worried about you." I think "WTF?? Why are you worried about me? What reasons could I have given you to WORRY about me? Haven't you seen I've taken care of myself all these years? YOU don't know anything about me!"

But the same people who would have that type of reaction to family or friends say things like, "Michael Jackson is such a freak" (and like Lady Gaga's not? That's another story...) or "Andre Agassi does drugs!!!" Um, yeah, like all the other people who make up a huge percentage of the population that does-newsflash: he's not God. "Michael Jackson's not really black!" Well, just like white folks aren't white anymore when they choose to bake in the sun despite the skin cancer. "Michael Jackson looks weird with all those plastic surgeries." Don't get me started on the number of people who could do without boob jobs and excessive makeup.

We don't have personal contact with these celebrities or know what they've truly been through! I mean I can understand a "judgment" regarding hurting another person, but I think we could stand for a bit more compassion when people do things to harm themselves.

And the *types* of news our society finds interesting these days is weak and pathetic, but it's interesting just cuz they're celebrities. But I bet I can at least *match* the excitement of some of the celebrity experiences:

-Tiger Woods got into a car accident!
Well, Felda got 3 tickets for running a red light, and you have to go through *separate* traffic school for that offense, each time. The second time, a MONTH later, I had the SAME instructor. Not only that, he recognized me-you can imagine my embarrassment.

-Howard Dean gave his wife a PLANT for her birthday! (k, so that's an old example)
Well if I had a dime for each time I got CANDY as a gift from a secret santa, well, I'd have like, $2.

-Jennifer Aniston is single again!
If we have a couple years, I could explain to you the level of pathetic-ness of the guys I've dated in my lifetime that led me to break up with them.

TMZ needs to have a Felda segment!

Internal medicine

The branch of medicine called "internal medicine" is kinda funny isn't it? I mean let's say we ask a doctor, "Are you a surgeon?" and she says, "No, I practice internal medicine."

Oh, so surgeons don't work internally? They can't be working *externally.* Well I suppose with a laser some surgeries are possible like that, but what are they practicing when they have their hands in someone's guts? Can you really get any more internal than that???

Saints

You know, when I state that I'm Lakshmi incarnate and that people should turn to me for their answers, I just get laughed at. Hmph..but did Krishna or Christ get laughed at?? Noooooooo! Well yes, Christ did have something worse happen to him for sure. But my point is, people believed they have the answers, even though they lived 2000 years ago and folks never got to really know what they preached! But you get to know right NOW what *I* say!

Well I suppose my Seinfeld and caffeine addiction dilutes my saintliness. ;)

lol

Tomatoes

Why would anyone put tomatoes as a topping on pizza? Cuz the pizza already has tomato sauce. So what do the tomatoes add? Wouldn't you want something w/ totally different flavor, like mushrooms (yuuuum) or olives (double yuumm)? Unless it has pesto sauce, then the tomatoes make sense.

Potato chips

What is the deal with baked potato chips??? Um, excuse me but chips are supposed to be greesy. It's like hard cookies or that crap low sugar chocolate. I can't imagine people choose those options so why do they keep making them? I mean, if you want chips, eat CHIPS. Just eat fewer of them if they're greesy. Cuz with the baked ones, you just eat a bunch that taste horrible, so you've added more calories to your day with stuff that doesn't even taste good.

Audience members

So remember how Seinfeld and his girlfriend make-out in the movie theatre when they are watching Schindler's List? And hilarious how his parents ask him, "You were making out during Schindler's List?????" That would be like me making out or sleeping during Slumdog Millionaire, The Namesake, City of Joy, or Gandhi.

Now get this: in one of my theatre showings of The Laramie Project, there was a guy in the FRONT row who was part of a GAY couple and he fell asleep! Um, hello!!! And so much so that we could hear him snoring! Sheesh...

How funny would it be if he had *heterosexual* parents who asked him, "You fell ASLEEP during The Laramie Project???"

Toilets 2

So how late are the stores open? I'm thinking of buying a new toilet and smashing it over my head.