Lips n' lotion

My birthday's coming up in less than 2 months and you know what would be really nice to get? (Well I mean, in addition to my own private jet and island with Jake Jillenhall on it.) Self-moisturizing lips and hands. I mean, if I added up the time I spend in one day doing those things (putting on lip balm and lotion), it's probably half my life.

So I get out of the bathroom and have to put on lotion because my hands were dried out from washing them. But then I eat lunch and have to wash my hands again, after which point I have to put the lotion back on. Sometimes I think, "Well, I'm just going to eat soon so I'll hold off on the lotion," but now that my hands are so used to lotion, they feel dry and weird without it, and it's even hard to eat without it.

Same thing with the lip balm. My lips are dry so I put it on. But then I eat so it comes off and I have to reapply it. But then I'm really thirsty and after guzzling down a glass of water, it comes off again and so I have to put it on again. And then a while after eating, I have to go to the bathroom again...

Help, River Selkie!