Thursday, March 30, 2006


So last Saturday I got a chance to play crochet for the first time at a friend's birthday party. Well, the first time in that I was old enough to actually remember how to play the game. And it got me thinking: whose brilliant idea was it to create a game like this?? Is it supposed to be relaxing? How is trying to get the little ball through the wicket relaxing?? And wicket, that's an interesting word. Say it often enough and it loses all meaning. Wicket. Wicket. Wicket. Same thing with golf, I'm sorry, I don't get it. Trying to get the little ball into the hole frustrates me more than it relaxes me. Oh yeah, and then they show golf tournaments on tv??!! Man, that's exciting, I'm going to sit on my couch watching a golf player take 15 minutes to concentrate on the ball before hitting the damn thing. Invigorating.

Now with sex, there can be frustration involved with that, but at least there is a chance for an exciting outcome, a peak. Not just getting the thing into the hole.


pastamasta said...

Well, croquet (that's how we spell it in England, and we invented it, so we must be right, as we usually are about such things) is great fun if played properly, i.e. with vicious and vindictive intent toward the balls of the opposite team. The fun is gained not so much by getting the balls through the wickets as by smacking seven kinds of shit out of other people's balls and sending them fifty yards away. It's particularly fun when you're so far behind that it's pointless trying to win, and then you can play Spoiler (muahaha) and do nothing except mess about with everyone else's balls.

Okay, that all sounded reeeeeally rude. Sorry.

You're still right about sex being better, though. ;)

Anonymous said...

pasta- you're hilarious. you know, i think i musta played the british version of croquet this past weekend. i certainly didn't play crochet. although, i have to ask about shit-talking in croquet. in the british version is blatant shit-talking encouraged? or is the villainy supposed to be all action masked with quite polite talk? example, "hey mate, how about them manchester boys. great game, eh?" ::player proceeds to whack other player's croquet ball to timbuktu:: "i mean did you see that save? fantastic!"

cause i played croquet but did blatant trash talking to everyone, including my teammates.

Anonymous said...

and don't knock wicket. he's my favorite ewok.

Felda, Jerry Seinfeld's Biggest Fan said...

That the best you both can do, is criticize my spelling??? Come on, bring it on man... and pastamasta, you are evil with that laugh!

And your response brings me to my next question: why try to drive people crazy with croquet? There are so many OTHER more irritating things I can think of to do to irritate people, like say "in accordance with the prophecy." ;)

Anonymous said...

critcize, what? i did no such thing. maybe you should reread my comments...recap.."i played british version... and i trashed talked is that kosher?"

nuthing whatsoevah about your spellling, felda.

pastamasta said...

No criticism whatsoever! I assumed that it was another case of the perennially-amusing UK/US spelling dichotomy.

Selkie - when I play it, at least, the "done thing" is to be extremely polite when talking to one's opponents. Especially when one has just smacked their ball halfway to Berwick-upon-Tweed. "Oh, bad luck, old chap." That sort of thing. It's viciously sadistic, and there isn't a damn thing they can do about it. It is, in short, the perfect evil megalomaniac sport. MUAHAHAHAHA.

Anonymous said...

pasta- i'm gonna try it that way next time. i can't wait!

though i'll have to wait as we borrowed the set from a friend and i don't know when we might be playing it in the future.