Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Pens

Okay, one key reason why we're such lazy-asses and don't get much accomplished is because people cannot frickin' figure out how to put PENS in their purses or backpacks, and spend too much time looking for one. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me to borrow a pen, I could probably fund my graduate education (yeah right). Anyway, when I worked the front desk of a counseling center at school, I always had students asking if they could borrow a pen. But you're a STUDENT who spends ALL day here! HOW were you planning on getting any work done? And then we'd run out of pens for clients to use to fill out their paperwork-argh.

I co-facilitated a focus group this morning and my partner didn't have a pen, and I was thinking: "But you're carrying a huge ass purse! What the hell is in there if there's no pen???" Pens are one thing we all should have right? Especially when that's about ALL companies give out for free when they're promoting themselves.

So, because we care more about and put more effort into having sex, pens should just be packaged along with condoms. How much am I gonna get for this brilliant idea???

Monday, June 26, 2006

Basketball

Isn't it funny how with really tall people, people assume they played basketball, or will play basketball? And they assume that just cuz someone is tall, they'd be good at basketball?

Well DUH, the taller someone is, the greater chance they have of making the basket. It's not rocket science folks. Isn't it more of a feat if a short person plays basketball? Or, why can't there be a basketball game created for those 5'5" and shorter? And to level the playing field when comparing them with the taller players, the basket can just be lowered.

Cell Phones

Okay, so I thought I was the old fogie with old technology. If people in general are so knowledgeable and sophisticated about cell phones and different ring tones and such, then why can't they understand the noises my cell phone makes? First it'll ring. Then, if I wasn't able to answer it, it'll beep telling me I have a voicemail. And that beeping will continue until I acknowledge the new message someone has left me. But do people get that? NO. "Boy, someone really wants to get a hold of you don't they?" they say.

Argh...that's the beeping telling me I have a voicemail!!! And it's not the same sound as my ring tone!!!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Sneezing

One thing I never understood is why people try to stifle their sneezes. How does that make you feel better? It's only going to make you want to sneeze more, rather than just getting it over with and all out when your body says it's time to. And some women can be so annoying with that, with their little girly sneezes. I'm like "God, just let it OUT! It's more annoying to hear you try to hold it back!"

So we're in a culture where people don't hold back expletives, run red lights and cut people off in traffic, but SNEEZING is what we hold back with???

Academy Awards

Have you ever wondered why there are Best Actress/Actor or Best Supporting Actress/Actor awards? I mean, I can understand best direction, cinematography, music, screenplay, or film. Those involve creativity and innovation to come up with something new. But best actor or actress? Whenever I watch the awards I think "Well, they all did pretty good, how can they pick just one to get the award?" And some roles require more than others, but within the context of each film, most actors and actresses seem to come through.

And what is the award for? For how well they can recite something in writing, and stand where the director tells them to stand or make a facial expression the director tells them to make? I mean the Tony awards are something to speak of because the actors are putting on a live performance and don't have the luxury of recording and outtakes.

So perhaps the Best Actress/Actor Oscars are based on whose director said "cut!" the least number of times?

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Dancing

Have you noticed how when couples "dance" it's not really dancing? I mean, with a slow song, it's more like just swaying back and forth isn't it? It's probably more of an excuse to just breathe down each other's necks. Or even at dance clubs, I wouldn't say that people there dance. They just kinda stay in one place and shake their hips a bit. And it's so crowded that that's all people really are able to do. I would say that ballet dancers or swing dancers actually dance.

Yeah, so most people don't dance. But I guess saying "May I have this dance" is better than "Will you sway with me and let me breathe down your neck?"

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Volume

I'm totally like Seinfeld: someone who always gets confused by the plot when watching a movie. I can't speak for him, but in my case it's a tad bit of ADHD. But I swear, the more irritating thing for me with movies is how there is at least one line in EVERY movie, that even after turning the volume ALL the way up, you still can't hear what the hell the person is saying. You turn it all the way up on your VCR or DVD player and it's like "mmfshsha." What the hell is THAT??? Ten bucks to the person who can name me a movie where that isn't an issue.

I swear, the writers do it to make it LOOK like they have a cool phrase in there when in reality, they just didn't know what to write, and thought they could pull one over on us. Well it ain't workin' on me!!

Nicorette gum

So now they apparently have Nicorette gum with fruit flavor. Um, I don't think that just because someone smokes, that they didn't like fruit. Now all of a sudden because they discover fruit- flavored gum, THAT'S supposed to help them stop smoking? I would think it'd be possible to like fruit and smoke at the same time. So how the hell is this gum supposed to help? It's supposed to taste like fruit, so how does that take away someone's craving for cigarettes?

Uh, I'm no genius, but here's an idea: Nicorette gum that tastes like CIGARETTES, maybe??

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Strawberries

I really like strawberries. They are one of my favorite fruits. They are great in cereal, to eat just by themselves, on pancakes and waffles, and strawberry jam on toast is sometimes good too. But I don't GET the concept of chocolate-covered strawberries. I'll tell you why: the chocolate takes over and takes away the taste of the strawberry. And only in the first bite do you get to eat both the chocolate and strawberry together. After that, as you try to take additional bites (cuz these strawberries tend to be huge), the chocolate crumbles off and you eat just the strawberry anyway. I was eating one last night and it was so annoying, because the chocolate pieces kept falling off as I tried to eat it.

So how are chocolate-covered strawberries that much different than having just the strawberries and pieces of chocolate sitting next to each other on a plate? Then you can have both great flavors without them ruining each other.

Friday, June 09, 2006

PUP

Why the FUCK does my computer keep saying "PUP found"????!!!!! It is so annoying to keep seeing that damn window and have to deal with it before I work on something.

As long as my computer is going out looking for stuff, why doesn't it go looking for something I can use? Like a winning lottery ticket!

Cups

You know, the size and type of cup used to drink a cup of coffee makes a huge difference in the coffee drinking experience. Have you heard of this? It's so true, I just realized. I've collected a few mugs over the years and I use my bigger mugs more now. And the ones with the shape of being narrow at the bottom and wide at the top are fun to use. Yesterday I had a cup of coffee in one of my older cups and just didn't enjoy it as much. It just didn't taste good. Amazing how the cup matters both in how the coffee tastes and how you feel as you drink it.

So I guess size does matter.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Names

Have you ever noticed how Buddy is a common, almost default, name that people give their dogs? My mom recently adopted a dog and his name, you guessed it, is Buddy. Now to her credit, that was his name before, so she decided to keep it that way.

Speaking of names, I get so tired of the common popular ones for babies, like Keelie, Kylie or Tanner. They are so trendy, and the girl names are so sugary---ick! It's fine if there is a significance to those names, like they are family names or something, but when people pull names out of their asses, that I think is stupid. (If you've been reading my blog, you already know how opinionated and judgmental I am. ;) ). Like the name Houston. Why would you name your child Houston?? And some people do even though they're not from Houston, have never lived in Houston, nor do they know anyone in Houston.

My sister, on the other hand, had the most creative and unique name for her teddy bear when she was a child: Dexter Beuford Hollingworth, Jr. Now that is a name I would consider for my kid if I have one.

Dreams

Last night I dreamt that I was showering with Lex Luther, the one from the tv show "Smallville." Ooooooo, needless to say, I woke up quite happy. ;)

Part of Freud's theory is that dreams are a socially-acceptable way for us to experience the things we can't have in our real lives. So I guess I can never actually shower with Lex-BLASPHEMY!! And, I also dreamt about Rachel from "Friends" getting it on with someone, and a bunch of people playing in the snow. WHY do I want Rachel to get action, or see others play in the snow? According to Freud, shouldn't I be the one getting it on with someone or playing in the snow? I'd like to play in the snow, and there's no real reason that I can't except for that I live in the desert, so it makes sense that I would dream about myself actually playing in the snow. How is it fun for me to watch others doing it?

So if Freud's theory is that dreams are a socially-acceptable way for us to get what we can't have, what I'd dream about is sleeping with Jake Gyllenhall, getting paid shit-loads of money for the wonderful ideas I generate at school, my manuscript getting published on the first try, and a few idiots I work with getting taken-out.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Milkshakes

So I went out for a milkshake with a couple friends, and the guy brings our milkshakes and then the "extras" in the metal canisters. When one of my friends saw my confused look, he said, "It's the rest of your milkshake, the amount that won't fit in the glass. They bring it like this. Don't ever go out for one and let them get away with not giving you the rest of it." And he said it like, "Duh, don't you know that?"

Uh, HOW was I supposed to know that??? How do I know the size of the canisters that a particular restaurant uses? And what if all that was made was served to me? Then I'd look like a jerk if I said "And where's the REST of my milkshake?"

Uh, here's an idea: why don't the restaurants get BIGGER glasses???

Blackouts

A blackout in the desert is such a joke. I mean, you get the whole song and dance with no finale. Heavy winds, dust storms, losing electricity for like 3 hours, for NO rain whatsoever. Hey, I don't mind sitting in the dark not doing anything and eating only a bagel and chips for dinner, as long as I can listen to the pretty pitter-patter outside, but nothin'! NOTHIN'!!

Hmmm, kinda like Priceline. They give you a whole song and dance about "naming your price" and you end up paying the full fare for the most part anyway.

False advertising

The GALL of allergy medicines to say on their covers that they take care of sneezing. I've been taking these fucking medications (stronger ones, and prescription ones mind you) to no avail and some mornings I still wake up sneezing like there's no tomorrow. Today I woke up sneezing and uncomfortable (also wondering if my AC's working or just making a lot of goddam noise), which also means I woke up saying "son of a mother-fucking bitch!!!!!" over and over again.

So THAT's what I need to do (if we're suckers for false advertising in this country): though I wouldn't sleep with most out there because they're losers, I should wear a sign anyway that says "yes, I'll have sex with you" in order to get taken out for free dinners.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Pineapple

I was hanging out at a friend's house this afternoon and she and her husband ordered pizza for us to eat while we watched a movie. They ordered one veggie that had pineapple on it. I don't understand why people like pineapple on pizza. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, and don't care for sweet n' sour dishes, or non-dessert dishes that are sweetened. They should be spicy, or salty, or tangy, and only desserts should be sweet. The pineapple took away from the taste from the wonderful broccoli, black olives, and green peppers, I'm sorry.

WHOSE idea was it to put pineapple on pizza?? Then why stop there? You could ruin pizza other ways by putting on it strawberries, grapes, hell, even M&M's...

Friday, June 02, 2006

Advisory

On the news this morning they said there is a heat advisory today. A heat advisory? Dude, we live in the desert, it's hot ALL the time. How is 113 degrees a heat advisory? We've had up to 128 degrees here one year. 113 degrees is COMMON right now.

That's like telling my friends there's a Seinfeld advisory when they hang out with me.