Okay folks, I have an announcement to make. We may think we're being controlled by Big Brother, the government, or cults. No, in reality, we are controlled by sports in this country. I mean, the obsession with sports teams and their stats and the VIPs and blah, blah blah, blah blah, I don't GET it. How does it help your life if your favorite team wins? What percentage of the credit can you take for their victory? I mean jeez, people say "We won! we won!" and Seinfeld couldn't be more right on by saying "No, they won, you watched." And you get your ass out there on some basketball court, and only then can you comment on how much a team's pointguard sucks. And only if your fantasy football team wins do you get to walk away with some cash, but other than that, after the finals, you're back to your sad and pathetic life.
But now with the internet, we have hit a new low among the spectator group. At least if people watch the game on tv, I can see the fun in following along and actually seeing the action. But now that the internet offers minute-by-minute updates, if people can't watch the game, they're always on the internet checking the score. And this happened at a party I was at. That's probably one of the worst insults, to get ignored in a conversation because most of the person's attention is on the computer checking the score when they could just find out the FINAL score after the game's over. They look like idiots, like how a man looks dumb-founded when seeing a woman walk by in a bikini on the hiking trail. Yet we don't pay enough attention to the crap our government is trying to pull, something that actually affects us.
If aliens are observing us, and see people fixated on the internet, or watching men in tight pants running around and smacking each other on the butt, who are they going to think is in control?
Aging
I've prided myself on being somewhat of a pseudo-minimalist but dear God, I'm only 30 and am already turning into an old spinster. I can't stand loud music, am single and have a cat, don't really drink, can't stand college students, meditate, am behind with technology (don't own an IPod or DVD player and have a dinosaur of a cell phone), have taken up crocheting, and go to bed at 9 and wake up at 5.
Now I just need my bifocals, white shoes, and to move to Florida.
Now I just need my bifocals, white shoes, and to move to Florida.
Cuisine
I must share: I feel so relieved and much happier now that some friends at a bbq yesterday ate a bunch of dessert I had brought. My mom had made it and it's really good (an Indian dessert), but way to sweet for my taste, and I couldn't have finished it on my own.
But folks, I have to say, this is a relief because in my experience, it's quite rare. It's amazing to me that even in our gluttonous culture, people here in the US are so nervous about trying different foods. I mean yes, a part of me gets a bit hurt or annoyed when something I bring doesn't get appreciated or eaten, but more amazingly, people don't want to try new things so that they can have a wider variety in their meal selection? But noooo, and I don't think these folks have any idea how ridiculous they look when they crinkle up their nose and say, "What's THAT?"
Oh that's right, if it has anything other than salt, pepper or cinnamon, they have no idea what it is and of course it MUST be something gross. I mean hell, we're such pigs in this culture I'm surprised more people aren't trying different ethnic restaurants. Heaven forbid that you may be able to add more food choices to your lifestyle. Or, they want to Americanize a dish by adding something to it that no longer makes it an authentic Indian dish, for example, and takes away from the flavor that's supposed to be there.
I mean, would you meat-eaters out there put ketchup on your steak?
But folks, I have to say, this is a relief because in my experience, it's quite rare. It's amazing to me that even in our gluttonous culture, people here in the US are so nervous about trying different foods. I mean yes, a part of me gets a bit hurt or annoyed when something I bring doesn't get appreciated or eaten, but more amazingly, people don't want to try new things so that they can have a wider variety in their meal selection? But noooo, and I don't think these folks have any idea how ridiculous they look when they crinkle up their nose and say, "What's THAT?"
Oh that's right, if it has anything other than salt, pepper or cinnamon, they have no idea what it is and of course it MUST be something gross. I mean hell, we're such pigs in this culture I'm surprised more people aren't trying different ethnic restaurants. Heaven forbid that you may be able to add more food choices to your lifestyle. Or, they want to Americanize a dish by adding something to it that no longer makes it an authentic Indian dish, for example, and takes away from the flavor that's supposed to be there.
I mean, would you meat-eaters out there put ketchup on your steak?
Celebrities
I love how on MSN they have the news blurb, "What you can learn from celebrity break-ups."
Uh, here's a stab in the dark: don't marry one?
Uh, here's a stab in the dark: don't marry one?
House numbers
Okay, this is somewhat of a sad thing to have to admit, but looking for a house to which I am going for the first time causes me a good deal of anxiety. Getting to the street, no problem, but what is UP with those numbers being so damn small? I was looking for a house # 522 yesterday in BROAD DAYLIGHT and even I, who has almost perfect vision, had to squint to see it. What is the point of those numbers if they cannot be read from the street??? And don't get me started on the various places the numbers could be. Some are near the front door, some are on the garage door, some are painted on the curb...so I have no idea where to look to see if I'm at the right house. And those painted on the curb are totally useless as they have worn off. I felt like such a dork stopping for like 20 seconds at a few houses and peering out my car window until I finally got to # 522, and even then, the only reason I recognized the house was because my friend's motorcycle was out front.
How hard is it to standardize the location and size of these numbers? Where are my tax dollars going? It can't cost that much to redo the numbers. We're like the world's greatest superpower and we can't have better numbering of our houses? In that case, it's easier to find houses in Costa Rica, even where (and probably because) the streets have no name! (Hey, is that the place U2 is singing about?)
How hard is it to standardize the location and size of these numbers? Where are my tax dollars going? It can't cost that much to redo the numbers. We're like the world's greatest superpower and we can't have better numbering of our houses? In that case, it's easier to find houses in Costa Rica, even where (and probably because) the streets have no name! (Hey, is that the place U2 is singing about?)
Accessories
We accessorize WAY to much in this country. I don't think people give enough thought to whether there is a practical use at all to the shit they buy. And for women, it's worse. You have the liquid shower soaps that need those damn squooshy, spongy things. You need shampoo, conditioner, gel, hairspray, yada yada, a washcloth, towel and a hair towel. A hair towel. So if these towels are more absorbent than regular bath towels, then why not have all towels be made of that same material?? You can then spend less time toweling off at the end. I'm not your stereotypical woman at all (and proud of it). I have my dial bar soap, 2-in-1 shampoo, no washcloth, and regular towels, and I've still gotten compliments on my hair and the way I smell. In the bathroom, I'm all about in n' out.
And don't get me started on this table cover thing I just learned about. Have you heard of this? A cover for your table. I can't quite remember the name but it's something like a table mat, or table board, or whatever. It's put on the table so that the table surface doesn't get damaged with hot pans. Hmmm, so you buy an expensive table whose top you can't really use? You've already spent all this money on a table and then have to spend additional money on a cover? Don't people generally have table cloths on their tables all the time anyway? So why get an expensive table if not only can you not see it all the time, but can't use it?
Well, guess I shouldn't say anything. I've got a hot bod that isn't getting used.
And don't get me started on this table cover thing I just learned about. Have you heard of this? A cover for your table. I can't quite remember the name but it's something like a table mat, or table board, or whatever. It's put on the table so that the table surface doesn't get damaged with hot pans. Hmmm, so you buy an expensive table whose top you can't really use? You've already spent all this money on a table and then have to spend additional money on a cover? Don't people generally have table cloths on their tables all the time anyway? So why get an expensive table if not only can you not see it all the time, but can't use it?
Well, guess I shouldn't say anything. I've got a hot bod that isn't getting used.
Movies
Ever notice how one way that a new movie's success is measured is by the amount of ticket sales the first weekend it opens? The first weekend. So how can you say with that that the movie is a good one? Unless people go to see the movie, they can't give their reviews, can they? And people are not very discriminatory in this country with the movies they see (look at all the crappy movies that are released every year). So just because they went to see it for the FIRST time doesn't mean the movie's a success.
That's almost like saying that by simply existing, just being, people are contributing to the world. And we all know that's not true.
That's almost like saying that by simply existing, just being, people are contributing to the world. And we all know that's not true.
Restaurants
So tonight I ate dinner at a Chinese restaurant with a friend, and when we get our bill, it says "Guest Check" on the top. So if we're GUESTS of the restaurant, then why do we have to pay? And not only that, we have to tip, which is paying the waiters or waitresses extra for doing a job that they're supposed to do anyway. And even with that, there's rarely a happy medium between too much and too little attention from them. They either interrupt a conversation in which I'm speaking passionately about something, and at the inopportune time, ask me if everything's okay. But when I don't have water, they're never around for like 20 minutes to ask for a refill on water.
And oh yeah, so what IS it with some places not even giving you any water at the beginning? Water is a basic necessity. It is like GOLD in the desert, folks. You need it ALL the time. But it is still amazing how many places slack off with hydrating you enough. They should just line up glasses of water on a table near the door as you walk in, so that you have it right away and the waiters don't have to remember to put it at your table at the beginning.
So next time I invite guests to my house for dinner, I'll put a water cooler near the front door, and give them a bill at the end.
And oh yeah, so what IS it with some places not even giving you any water at the beginning? Water is a basic necessity. It is like GOLD in the desert, folks. You need it ALL the time. But it is still amazing how many places slack off with hydrating you enough. They should just line up glasses of water on a table near the door as you walk in, so that you have it right away and the waiters don't have to remember to put it at your table at the beginning.
So next time I invite guests to my house for dinner, I'll put a water cooler near the front door, and give them a bill at the end.
Waiting
Boy have our priorities gotten completely screwed up in today's go-go lifestyle. We can't wait and deal with a 3-second delay on the internet, want only CD's or DVD's because we don't want to deal with 30 seconds of fast-forwarding, and we want a jump drive so that we can store more information in less space, in turn giving ourselves more work to do at home.
But the funny thing with me is that today, I actually wanted to WAIT in the waiting room at the doctor's office. See, because this time, I actually remembered to bring the book I'm reading. I HAD the book, so I wanted to use it for that purpose! But noooo, the doctor with his go-go schedule called me like a minute after I sat down. And then I dropped my prescription off at the pharmacy, went to the bathroom and then sat down, hoping to read some of the good book while the pharmacist was getting my prescription ready, and a second later, it's ready. I didn't get to read the book, again.
I'm not upset because I necessarily wanted to read the book then and there, but because I HAD it to be able to read in the room in which I was expecting to WAIT.
But the funny thing with me is that today, I actually wanted to WAIT in the waiting room at the doctor's office. See, because this time, I actually remembered to bring the book I'm reading. I HAD the book, so I wanted to use it for that purpose! But noooo, the doctor with his go-go schedule called me like a minute after I sat down. And then I dropped my prescription off at the pharmacy, went to the bathroom and then sat down, hoping to read some of the good book while the pharmacist was getting my prescription ready, and a second later, it's ready. I didn't get to read the book, again.
I'm not upset because I necessarily wanted to read the book then and there, but because I HAD it to be able to read in the room in which I was expecting to WAIT.
Gift registries
Have you ever thought about what a gift registry means? I mean, it's pretty selfish if you think about it. It's like "I'm getting married, and here's the stuff I want you to buy me." Or, "I'm having a baby and here's what I want my baby to be wearing after it's born." I mean, why should I care about your wedding or baby? Now that we live in 2006, when people are post-poning marriage and families to further their education, or choosing not to have families at all, why can't those folks have showers? I should have a "I'm going to continue to be a poor student for the next 4 years" shower. I mean hell, I need money, a laptop...but you're probably thinking "why should I care that you're going back to school?" aren't you? That's what I thought.
I had sent out a wish list to close friends and family of birthday gifts. This is the first time in many, many years that I asked for anything for my birthday. In the past I always pulled the "I just want your lovely presence, please don't bring gifts." I mean, I turned 30 this year, a milestone (not to mention I'm a poor starving student), so I wanted the celebration to be special.
But one person's nonverbals were telling me she thought it was ridiculous of me to ask for gifts. But um, last time I checked, birthdays have been associated with gifts, am I wrong? So rather than people giving me shit I wouldn't use (cuz if you haven't noticed, people who have known you for many many years still won't know what to get you), I thought I'd just let people know. Or, just get me what you can afford, and if you don't consider me to be a close friend, then don't get me anything and it's okay, my world won't fall apart. Just shut up about it. I mean jeez, gifts at a birthday party, SHOCKER.
To top all this off, when people get the gifts they registered for, they still act so surprised when they open them. You get the "Ohhh, that is sooo nice. It is so beautiful! I haven't seen anything like it, it's going to come in handy. Thank you!!"
So you didn't KNOW you might be getting that as a gift if you registered for it?? It's also funny how some folks don't want to know the sex of the baby until it's born. "We want to be surprised," they say. Surprised?? I thought that, for the most part, it can be one of two things, a boy or a girl.
You know what would be a surprise? Meeting a man who's not chicken shit.
I had sent out a wish list to close friends and family of birthday gifts. This is the first time in many, many years that I asked for anything for my birthday. In the past I always pulled the "I just want your lovely presence, please don't bring gifts." I mean, I turned 30 this year, a milestone (not to mention I'm a poor starving student), so I wanted the celebration to be special.
But one person's nonverbals were telling me she thought it was ridiculous of me to ask for gifts. But um, last time I checked, birthdays have been associated with gifts, am I wrong? So rather than people giving me shit I wouldn't use (cuz if you haven't noticed, people who have known you for many many years still won't know what to get you), I thought I'd just let people know. Or, just get me what you can afford, and if you don't consider me to be a close friend, then don't get me anything and it's okay, my world won't fall apart. Just shut up about it. I mean jeez, gifts at a birthday party, SHOCKER.
To top all this off, when people get the gifts they registered for, they still act so surprised when they open them. You get the "Ohhh, that is sooo nice. It is so beautiful! I haven't seen anything like it, it's going to come in handy. Thank you!!"
So you didn't KNOW you might be getting that as a gift if you registered for it?? It's also funny how some folks don't want to know the sex of the baby until it's born. "We want to be surprised," they say. Surprised?? I thought that, for the most part, it can be one of two things, a boy or a girl.
You know what would be a surprise? Meeting a man who's not chicken shit.
God bless
I love when you hear on people's outgoing messages: "Have a great day and God bless." or when they sign greeting cards that say "God bless." In case you haven't figured it out, I DON'T love it (I was being sarcastic, imagine that).
That expression is quite pompous isn't it? What, you talked to God directly and KNOW that he blesses me? How do you not know I'm a jerk and God has decided I'm going to hell?
I should end my messages with, "May you have learned from your pansy-assed actions in this lifetime and not be born as a cockroach in your next life."
That expression is quite pompous isn't it? What, you talked to God directly and KNOW that he blesses me? How do you not know I'm a jerk and God has decided I'm going to hell?
I should end my messages with, "May you have learned from your pansy-assed actions in this lifetime and not be born as a cockroach in your next life."
Miracle
I love how many people consider the birth of a child to be a miracle, particularly those religious ones who subscribe to gender stereotypes. I had a conversation with a male friend on Friday, and he believes that it's a shame that so many women don't want to have families and focus on a career instead. "Because having a child is such a miracle," he said. Okay, hmm. I don't get the miracle aspect of it quite frankly. You have unprotected sex and a sperm fertilizes an egg and there you have it. And then the woman has to push something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape (relatively speaking, of course). So explain what part's the miracle exactly?
The miracle would be suddenly given a child without having to go through pregnancy, having them be little princes and princesses during adolescence, and them not needing to take your money. With that said, my cat's more of a miracle. She costs a lot less money and doesn't talk back.
The miracle would be suddenly given a child without having to go through pregnancy, having them be little princes and princesses during adolescence, and them not needing to take your money. With that said, my cat's more of a miracle. She costs a lot less money and doesn't talk back.
Allergies
So not only does 120-degree heat come with the territory when living in the desert, but so does having allergies. So when I glare at you, that's my "I have allergies" eye. Because, as empathic and caring as I am (cuz I have to be for my damn profession), the one time I do not care to get loving attention in return is when I'm sneezing due to allergies. It's so annoying when women with their annoying little saccharine voices say "Oh sweetie, are you sick? Do you have a cold?" (That's almost worse than the 10 sneezes in 5 seconds.)
"NO!!!!!! I'm fucking sneezing all the time because of this damn desert weather."
But rather than say all that, I'll just glare at you. Not the stink eye, not the evil eye, not the crook eye, not the "it's so hot" eye, but the glaring allergy eye.
"NO!!!!!! I'm fucking sneezing all the time because of this damn desert weather."
But rather than say all that, I'll just glare at you. Not the stink eye, not the evil eye, not the crook eye, not the "it's so hot" eye, but the glaring allergy eye.
Phone books
I don't think I've hated material objects in my life as much as I hate the phone book. Funny, I've completely personalized it, and resent it. Another couple phone books showed up on my doorstep yesterday. AGAIN. Why the hell they think I need them, I do not know. We now have internet where I can look up businesses and people. So if we have dexonline, why does Dex keep showing up at my door? And worse yet, there's no place nearby where I can go to recycle them, all the more reason to resent them. So for the past few times I've gone in and out of my apartment, I've just looked the other way, snubbed 'em.
But you know, snubbing material objects just isn't as satisfying, cuz they don't know you're snubbing them. That's the fun in snubbing in the first place, having the object being snubbed know they're being snubbed.
But you know, snubbing material objects just isn't as satisfying, cuz they don't know you're snubbing them. That's the fun in snubbing in the first place, having the object being snubbed know they're being snubbed.
Fun
Okay, so I was eating some M&M's today, from the small, miniature packets. Do you realize this size of M&M packets is called the "fun size"? Fun size. I wouldn't call eating fewer M&M's as being FUN. In my book, the more the merrier with M&Ms but hey, that's just me.
You know what would be fun? Not having to interact with those annoying people who like to tell you to smile. "Jeez, smile for a change why don't ya?" Who the hell are you to tell me to smile? I spend a long fucking day of talking to classmates, instructors, clients, students, family, friends, blah, blah blah, blah blah, and I will have you know that like 90% of the time, I'm a pretty fun, cheerful and pleasant person to be around who usually has a smile on my face, despite the dimwits I have to talk to all the time. So if one day I'm not quite feeling 100% CHIPPER, give me some slack, ok? Hell, I work like an 80-hour week, so if I want to not smile for 1 out of 60 days, that's my perogative.
What would be a good comeback for the annoying, "Why don't you smile?" Probably, "Because I'm looking at your sorry ass."
You know what would be fun? Not having to interact with those annoying people who like to tell you to smile. "Jeez, smile for a change why don't ya?" Who the hell are you to tell me to smile? I spend a long fucking day of talking to classmates, instructors, clients, students, family, friends, blah, blah blah, blah blah, and I will have you know that like 90% of the time, I'm a pretty fun, cheerful and pleasant person to be around who usually has a smile on my face, despite the dimwits I have to talk to all the time. So if one day I'm not quite feeling 100% CHIPPER, give me some slack, ok? Hell, I work like an 80-hour week, so if I want to not smile for 1 out of 60 days, that's my perogative.
What would be a good comeback for the annoying, "Why don't you smile?" Probably, "Because I'm looking at your sorry ass."
Soy sauce
So I was eating my lunch today (stir-fry noodles, tofu, broccoli and a spring roll-quite yummy, I made it myself) and put soy sauce on it. Well, in order to cover all the food with the sauce I poured a good amount, in concentric circles around the container so as to get good coverage. So you know where this is going right? I poured too much. I always forget that soy sauce is in fact soy WATER and I end up with a puddle of it at the bottom of the container. And when the spring roll accidentally slipped out of my hand, it splattered some "sauce" on me.
So if we're capable of instant messenger, nanotechnologies and cloning, why can't we come up with a soy sauce that's really a sauce: thicker so that it's easier to dip the spring roll, and it doesn't make a puddle at the bottom of the bowel?
So if we're capable of instant messenger, nanotechnologies and cloning, why can't we come up with a soy sauce that's really a sauce: thicker so that it's easier to dip the spring roll, and it doesn't make a puddle at the bottom of the bowel?
The gym
I think health gyms are probably the organizations who make the most amount of money for the least amount of effort. Think about it, how many people do you know who have gym memberships actually use them? Now don't get me wrong, there are a few people who do go about an hour or so every day or every other day and put their money to use.
But, there are 2 extremes for the most part. People who either don't go at all, or those who go for like 4 hours a day. In the first case, they're wasting money while the gyms say "suckers!", and in the second case, they have no life cuz they just work and go to the gym, that's it. Who in their right mind is motivated to do something like that? 4 HOURS??? Exercise is supposed to help you be more productive in your life, not keep you from having a life.
And what really blows me away is that instead of doing something fun for exercise like playing ball and enjoying nice weather, people would rather spend 4 hours in a building which a bunch of machines and smelly, stinky, sweaty people. Can you imagine: "No honey, I don't want to have sex with you, I have to go sweat on the stairmaster instead."
But, there are 2 extremes for the most part. People who either don't go at all, or those who go for like 4 hours a day. In the first case, they're wasting money while the gyms say "suckers!", and in the second case, they have no life cuz they just work and go to the gym, that's it. Who in their right mind is motivated to do something like that? 4 HOURS??? Exercise is supposed to help you be more productive in your life, not keep you from having a life.
And what really blows me away is that instead of doing something fun for exercise like playing ball and enjoying nice weather, people would rather spend 4 hours in a building which a bunch of machines and smelly, stinky, sweaty people. Can you imagine: "No honey, I don't want to have sex with you, I have to go sweat on the stairmaster instead."
Vision
So pilots have to have 20-20 vision. But those who drive don't, yet on the road people have to read traffic lights, signs, see other cars' turn signals, and watch out for bikers and pedestrians. Okay, makes sense.
So why DO pilots have to have 20-20 vision? They have the control tower telling them what's coming, and they look out and just see a fog anyway. So they need perfect vision to see the controls in the cockpit just a few inches away from them?
In that case, men should have to have 20-20 vision in order to engage in any sexual activity. I've had situations where it was like, "Ouch, that's my NIPPLE. It's small and delicate, so why the hell are you treating it like it's a popsicle??!"
So why DO pilots have to have 20-20 vision? They have the control tower telling them what's coming, and they look out and just see a fog anyway. So they need perfect vision to see the controls in the cockpit just a few inches away from them?
In that case, men should have to have 20-20 vision in order to engage in any sexual activity. I've had situations where it was like, "Ouch, that's my NIPPLE. It's small and delicate, so why the hell are you treating it like it's a popsicle??!"
International travel
International travel is like a huge slumber party. You're in a large plane with 200 people who are talking, watching movies together, eating together, and sleeping VERY close to each other. Except it's worse than a slumber party. It's kinda gross if you think about it; sometimes you're spending like 10 hours with these people, some of whom have not showered or brushed their teeth in who knows how long.
So then, you would think that the immigration line at the airport would go much faster but no, they are painfully slow. Why do those officers want to spend that much time talking with people who haven't brushed their teeth and have bed hair and rings under their eyes?
So then, you would think that the immigration line at the airport would go much faster but no, they are painfully slow. Why do those officers want to spend that much time talking with people who haven't brushed their teeth and have bed hair and rings under their eyes?
Trash cans
Okay, I am a very culturally-sensitive person and I'd like to think I am not ethnocentric. But I'm sorry, there is one thing that I cannot understand outside of the US: lack of trash cans. When I visit my family in India, there is just one "dust bin" in the ENTIRE house. When I was in a hostel in London, we had to ask a number of times for a trash can before we got one. What do the people in these places DO? How hard is it to have a trash can in the rooms where you'd frequently need one?
If I'm brushing my hair and I have a bunch of hair that comes out of my brush, am I supposed to put it in my pocket until I come across a trash can?
If I'm brushing my hair and I have a bunch of hair that comes out of my brush, am I supposed to put it in my pocket until I come across a trash can?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
