I'll let you in on a little secret: Ph.D actually stands for Phony Doctor.
Think about it: they can't help people when they're sick, and their dissertations show they know a whole lot about nothing!
hee hee :)
Traffic lights
Does anyone besides me get annoyed when you get stopped at a small traffic light? Meaning not the ones at the major streets, but at the small streets that are like a 1/4 of a mile apart. It's funny cuz I feel so DEFEATED when I have to stop at those. I'm thinking, "You're a measly little street! I should've been able to drive past you!" And it's especially annoying when you're on a roll of having to stop at every light on the way home, especially when you're exhausted and just want to crawl into bed!
Forgetfulness
Isn't it amazing how we can forget some of the basic things everyday that are really important? It goes without saying that we always need to be drinking water in the hot desert, and I'm sipping water all the time, but I often forget to leave my house with the water bottle. Or during that special time of the month I can forget to check that I have pads in my purse. So the other day I forgot BOTH and after I had left the house, I had to turn around and come back home for those things. The annoying thing is I would've otherwise gotten to work on time! Argh.
It's interesting how we can make such stupid mistakes despite the technological progress the human race has made. Was Einstein this forgetful? Well at least it makes sense that *I* wasn't the one who came up with E=mc-squared.
It's interesting how we can make such stupid mistakes despite the technological progress the human race has made. Was Einstein this forgetful? Well at least it makes sense that *I* wasn't the one who came up with E=mc-squared.
Urinals
I wonder, isn't it weird for guys to be peeing next to each other? Do they really talk to each other as they pee? And what if you accidentally see your neighbor's thingy? And so how did the idea for urinals come about? Isn't it just as easy to pee in a stall? You can still talk when you're in the stall. Women do it.
Though it is a bit weird for me to talk to someone while I'm peeing. But amazing how it happens all the time isn't it? And people talk on their cell phones while they are on the can! Isn't that weird? And public restrooms don't have toilet lids that you can put down before flushing so that germs don't come up. Don't people think of that when they take certain things in the stall with them?
If we're going to do all this when going to the bathroom, then why have stalls at all? Just keep a row of toilets and urinals. I mean would we really be seeing anything that's a MYSTERY? And it's not like the walls help with the smell!
Though it is a bit weird for me to talk to someone while I'm peeing. But amazing how it happens all the time isn't it? And people talk on their cell phones while they are on the can! Isn't that weird? And public restrooms don't have toilet lids that you can put down before flushing so that germs don't come up. Don't people think of that when they take certain things in the stall with them?
If we're going to do all this when going to the bathroom, then why have stalls at all? Just keep a row of toilets and urinals. I mean would we really be seeing anything that's a MYSTERY? And it's not like the walls help with the smell!
Favorite number
I don't really have a favorite number and then I got to thinking, what's a *favorite* number? Why would anyone have one? I can understand a favorite color because you would choose clothes or paint colors based on it. Or even a favorite letter, so you can choose what to name your child. I get having a lucky number but a favorite number?
I mean let's say your favorite number is 9. Are you going to wake up at 9? But what if you have to be at work at 9? Or are you going to order 9 pizzas? It'd be hard to finish that many. Or get your oil changed 9 times a month?
You get my point.
I mean let's say your favorite number is 9. Are you going to wake up at 9? But what if you have to be at work at 9? Or are you going to order 9 pizzas? It'd be hard to finish that many. Or get your oil changed 9 times a month?
You get my point.
National survey
I can't believe it! I was actually called today to fill out a survey on this year's presidential election! I mean because before, I always wondered WHO they actually surveyed for the poll numbers. Didn't you? I would think "WHERE are they getting these numbers??? I never get asked to participate in a poll!"
Well my friends, turns out they *are* real polls. Now I feel like I can at least trust that. Otherwise it felt like they were making up the numbers in favor of a particular candidate, as a way to sway voters. Think about it, the numbers are always like 52% for McCain and 48% for Obama, or 54% for Obama and 46% for McCain. Because they're thinking, "Well we can't say 10-90 cuz then they'll KNOW we're making it up! Duh..."
Well my friends, turns out they *are* real polls. Now I feel like I can at least trust that. Otherwise it felt like they were making up the numbers in favor of a particular candidate, as a way to sway voters. Think about it, the numbers are always like 52% for McCain and 48% for Obama, or 54% for Obama and 46% for McCain. Because they're thinking, "Well we can't say 10-90 cuz then they'll KNOW we're making it up! Duh..."
Graduate students,
why don't we just call them what they really are: ass-kissing suck-up slaves not even on the bottom of the totem pole-they are buried in the sand getting stepped on all the time.
I mean rolling around in the sand would be fun if it were some *sweet* ass you were kissing...
I mean rolling around in the sand would be fun if it were some *sweet* ass you were kissing...
Basketball 2
I just realized, playing basketball is the one time when you can get in someone's face and say "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you!" and it's okay!
hee hee. :)
hee hee. :)
Gross foods
Ever wonder how the idea for cheese came up? Did someone say, "Hey, let's let the milk sit out for a couple months and see what it turns into. Maybe we'll want to eat it." Uh, okay.
And why do people like cheese? Some folks are like "The stinkier the better!" with it too-GROSS!
I mean I know cats eat their own vomit, but we're HUMAN. Why do people like cheese? *Especially* stinky cheese?
Or, why do people like beer? Do they think, "Well, I like stuff that tastes like crap and looks like pee!" Suuuure, makes sense.
And why do people like cheese? Some folks are like "The stinkier the better!" with it too-GROSS!
I mean I know cats eat their own vomit, but we're HUMAN. Why do people like cheese? *Especially* stinky cheese?
Or, why do people like beer? Do they think, "Well, I like stuff that tastes like crap and looks like pee!" Suuuure, makes sense.
Fans
Have you ever noticed that with any fan, the FIRST setting you get to after turning it on is the fastest one? And generally I use the lowest setting, so I have to turn the knob all the way over to get the setting I want. Same thing with my ceiling fan: I have to pull on the cord a couple times to get the speed I want after turning it on.
Why don't they just have the slowest setting be the first one you get to, the next one be the next fastest, and so on?
Why don't they just have the slowest setting be the first one you get to, the next one be the next fastest, and so on?
Diving #2
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention in my last post that what always cracks me up about the diving competitions is that they, for the most part, generally make all the athletes look pretty good. Their acrobatic twists are nice and graceful and then they land cleanly in the water. I mean HOW to the judges determine how smoothly they land in the water? I always get a kick out of, "And a clean land in the water, that was incredible!" I'm thinking, "Well, he still splashed *some* water!" He's going to, he's diving from quite a distance! But it's not like any of them are bad enough to do belly flops. So do the judges have binoculars that have the ability to see at the atomic level so that they can count how many water droplets come up??
Well if divers get judged that way then I guess it makes sense when I get flack for having *one* piece of paper on the passenger seat in my car. Somehow I've gotten this reputation of always having my house, car, working space, etc. as clean and organized as utopia. And worst of all, this reputation is so extreme I get chastised for a HUMAN "mistake" of having a piece of paper on my passenger seat, or a couple things sitting in my trunk! At one time I picked my cousin up from the airport and when he was putting his bags in my trunk he said something to the effect of, "Wow, wasn't expecting Felda's car in this condition!" That was for having like TWO things in my trunk! I mean having a pressure gage and extra hat is just good sense people.
I don't know where I get this reputation. Oh wait, the OCD and sick ability to remember how I place every little thing might have something to do with it....
Well if divers get judged that way then I guess it makes sense when I get flack for having *one* piece of paper on the passenger seat in my car. Somehow I've gotten this reputation of always having my house, car, working space, etc. as clean and organized as utopia. And worst of all, this reputation is so extreme I get chastised for a HUMAN "mistake" of having a piece of paper on my passenger seat, or a couple things sitting in my trunk! At one time I picked my cousin up from the airport and when he was putting his bags in my trunk he said something to the effect of, "Wow, wasn't expecting Felda's car in this condition!" That was for having like TWO things in my trunk! I mean having a pressure gage and extra hat is just good sense people.
I don't know where I get this reputation. Oh wait, the OCD and sick ability to remember how I place every little thing might have something to do with it....
Diving
So I was watching some of the Olympics and thinking to myself, "Self, why do you think there are diving competitions?" And I couldn't come up with answer. I mean why? Why diving of all things to compete in? Isn't it more important that you can swim once you get IN the water? If you get thrown overboard, you don't really have time to do a fancy acrobatic thingy before you get in the water do you? So by then who cares? You have to save your life by swimming to shore, not worry about being SYNCHRONIZED with another person during a dive for crying out loud.
The idea is just amazing to me. I can't swim very well and the thought of diving is beyond me. The idea of going into water head-first is scary, not to mention diving off a high board with an acrobatic twist.
But I think my favorite part of watching those competitions is staring at the sexy abs of those men! I mean, the political candidates would get some great attention from voters by just paying the divers millions to tattoo their names on their chests!
But that sure throws clean elections into the water (no pun intended. Oh who am I kindin', TOTALLY intended) ...
The idea is just amazing to me. I can't swim very well and the thought of diving is beyond me. The idea of going into water head-first is scary, not to mention diving off a high board with an acrobatic twist.
But I think my favorite part of watching those competitions is staring at the sexy abs of those men! I mean, the political candidates would get some great attention from voters by just paying the divers millions to tattoo their names on their chests!
But that sure throws clean elections into the water (no pun intended. Oh who am I kindin', TOTALLY intended) ...
Artificial
Ever wonder exactly what it is that is in artificial sweeteners? Because in the Splenda ad for instance, they say "It's made from sugar, tastes like sugar, but is not sugar." What IS it then??!
Well I guess with humans it's not entirely different:
He SEEMS nice enough but has a giant, sexist ego.
She SHOULD be honest being a professor and all, but is a compulsive liar.
He LOOKS well put-together but is really chicken shit.
She LOOKS normal, but is really a *psycho.*
Well I guess with humans it's not entirely different:
He SEEMS nice enough but has a giant, sexist ego.
She SHOULD be honest being a professor and all, but is a compulsive liar.
He LOOKS well put-together but is really chicken shit.
She LOOKS normal, but is really a *psycho.*
Excessive Heat Warning
Excessive Heat Warning??? We live in the DESERT for crying out loud. Every DAY is an excessive heat warning!
Cat vomit
Okay, I may have spoken too soon when I said I'd rather have a cat than a kid. I mean a day doesn't go by that I'm not cleaning up cat vomit. Pretty soon my carpet is going to go from its gray color to a brown! I mean I have wooden floors or tiles in most of my living area but WHERE does she always throw up???? The CARPET!
So if we have robots that can act like humans, why don't they just put computer chips in the little buggers that are programmed such that the cats immediately start walking to the floor as they start to feel nauseous?
I mean, doesn't it seem like so much more practical things could be done with technology compared to things like IPods and texting? If anything, those things are making us stupider with people being checked out from their surroundings with the music, and their grammar getting ruined with the texting! And did you hear about the woman who fell into the street as she was walking and texting?
wtf??? btw, the Empress is 4ever, agree? Lmk!
So if we have robots that can act like humans, why don't they just put computer chips in the little buggers that are programmed such that the cats immediately start walking to the floor as they start to feel nauseous?
I mean, doesn't it seem like so much more practical things could be done with technology compared to things like IPods and texting? If anything, those things are making us stupider with people being checked out from their surroundings with the music, and their grammar getting ruined with the texting! And did you hear about the woman who fell into the street as she was walking and texting?
wtf??? btw, the Empress is 4ever, agree? Lmk!
Weather
Sometimes I think the weather channel should only present what happened in the past, not what they THINK is going to happen in the future. Think about it, we look at the weather before planning something but how often does that weather report turn out to be accurate? So if we can't be 100% accurate, then why report it at all?
Rather, presenting what happened in the past would be more entertaining. It could be a reality show of how people think they can beat the weather. Like "It was pouring down rain and a few 30-something women attempted to mend their PERMEABLE tent at a campsite. It was all in vain and they ended up leaving the campsite and staying in a hotel room (now THAT's the way to camp). The next day they went up the hiking trail and it started pouring, so they put on their ponchos and started heading back down the mountain. And folks, of course as we know, they didn't have their ponchos on and AFTER they put them on, the rain (of course) stopped. They then felt hot so they took the ponchos off. But it started raining again, so they had to dig into the bags for the ponchos AGAIN!"
So the channel could be called, "Hindsight weather, the chumps got stumped!"
Rather, presenting what happened in the past would be more entertaining. It could be a reality show of how people think they can beat the weather. Like "It was pouring down rain and a few 30-something women attempted to mend their PERMEABLE tent at a campsite. It was all in vain and they ended up leaving the campsite and staying in a hotel room (now THAT's the way to camp). The next day they went up the hiking trail and it started pouring, so they put on their ponchos and started heading back down the mountain. And folks, of course as we know, they didn't have their ponchos on and AFTER they put them on, the rain (of course) stopped. They then felt hot so they took the ponchos off. But it started raining again, so they had to dig into the bags for the ponchos AGAIN!"
So the channel could be called, "Hindsight weather, the chumps got stumped!"
Salad dressing
So we can take pictures of Mars, but why can't EVERY salad dressing bottle have a narrow spout out of which to pour the dressing? I mean we have all of our ketchup and mustard in plastic squeeze containers don't we?
So I accidentally pour too much salad dressing and it's like "Whoa! Here's some salad with my dressing!"
So I accidentally pour too much salad dressing and it's like "Whoa! Here's some salad with my dressing!"
Toilets
I think the human race is just plain screwed when it comes to toilets. I mean there is just no fool-proof way to take care of such necessary natural functions. I have to get a new toilet for my bathroom because there's a crack in it and it started leaking. My mom said that well, it is an old toilet, makes sense it's time to replace it.
But the thing is, no matter how old or new or what TYPE of toilet, there have ALWAYS been problems for me with using them. In our brand new house with new toilets "efficient" toilets, we still had problems with those; both leaked and one did so badly that almost the entire bottom floor flooded. In my first apartment, the toilet always clogged. In my second apartment it had cracked and flooded the whole apartment. Here the toilet is old and cracked. The other toilet in the guest bathroom takes a long time to flush. I also know of a few friends who have always had toilet issues. In Ghana, the contraption in the tank kept us from being able to use the handle to flush it. No matter where in the WORLD you go, it's a problem! 150 years ago, you had to go to the smelly outhouse. No matter what TIME PERIOD, peeing or taking a crap is just not a fun, comfortable thing to do.
And there are ALWAYS instructions on the toilets in people's houses like "Please hold down the handle until everything flushes." Well hey, here's a message for the toilet manufacturers: "Make some sturdy toilets you muthafukaz!" I mean steel's been around for a while hasn't it? So why do they still insist on using porcelain? They use steel in NASA don't they?
And that's just it; we can take pictures of Mars but we can't make problem-free toilets???? Doesn't being able to go to the bathroom take priority over what the hell MAY have happened on Mars like 3 billion years ago?? Those NASA engineers should take more toilet pictures instead and do some investigative work there.
But the thing is, no matter how old or new or what TYPE of toilet, there have ALWAYS been problems for me with using them. In our brand new house with new toilets "efficient" toilets, we still had problems with those; both leaked and one did so badly that almost the entire bottom floor flooded. In my first apartment, the toilet always clogged. In my second apartment it had cracked and flooded the whole apartment. Here the toilet is old and cracked. The other toilet in the guest bathroom takes a long time to flush. I also know of a few friends who have always had toilet issues. In Ghana, the contraption in the tank kept us from being able to use the handle to flush it. No matter where in the WORLD you go, it's a problem! 150 years ago, you had to go to the smelly outhouse. No matter what TIME PERIOD, peeing or taking a crap is just not a fun, comfortable thing to do.
And there are ALWAYS instructions on the toilets in people's houses like "Please hold down the handle until everything flushes." Well hey, here's a message for the toilet manufacturers: "Make some sturdy toilets you muthafukaz!" I mean steel's been around for a while hasn't it? So why do they still insist on using porcelain? They use steel in NASA don't they?
And that's just it; we can take pictures of Mars but we can't make problem-free toilets???? Doesn't being able to go to the bathroom take priority over what the hell MAY have happened on Mars like 3 billion years ago?? Those NASA engineers should take more toilet pictures instead and do some investigative work there.
Man on the Moon
Oh wait, I think I get it now. The reason we can't do simple things, or why we make things unnecessarily complicated is BECAUSE we've put a man on the moon. Well now I won't always say, "We can put a man on the moon but.." (hell, who am I kiddin', I'll still always say that).
But why we just can't keep things simple is beyond me. At work the other day I was cooking dinner for the clients and do they have the small, simple, easy-to-use can opener there? No. They have 2 kinds: one has the gears on both sides which I can never get to work for me (so annoying when you can't get the thing open in one swoop) and another one that has this huge crank thing! It's like, we're not opening barrels of oil!!! Why do we need a can opener with a huge crank for a small can of peas??? The small can is too light to stay on the counter top so you have no leverage to use the huge-ass crank thing.
And now our friend Bill has released MS 2007. Um, excuse me, the recent version of Word before that had like 4,000 features. Now this is just my GUESS and all, but was anyone USING all of those features? So why do we need a new system when I'm used to and am perfectly fine with the old one? We have MS 07 at work now and it is completely un-userfriendly.
I think instead Microsoft should spend money on bringing in counselors for their programmers and teach them how to date. Then they'd really be making a contribution to society!
But why we just can't keep things simple is beyond me. At work the other day I was cooking dinner for the clients and do they have the small, simple, easy-to-use can opener there? No. They have 2 kinds: one has the gears on both sides which I can never get to work for me (so annoying when you can't get the thing open in one swoop) and another one that has this huge crank thing! It's like, we're not opening barrels of oil!!! Why do we need a can opener with a huge crank for a small can of peas??? The small can is too light to stay on the counter top so you have no leverage to use the huge-ass crank thing.
And now our friend Bill has released MS 2007. Um, excuse me, the recent version of Word before that had like 4,000 features. Now this is just my GUESS and all, but was anyone USING all of those features? So why do we need a new system when I'm used to and am perfectly fine with the old one? We have MS 07 at work now and it is completely un-userfriendly.
I think instead Microsoft should spend money on bringing in counselors for their programmers and teach them how to date. Then they'd really be making a contribution to society!
Fanny pack
Why is it called a fanny pack? Most people don't wear it on their fanny. It should be called a gut pack, or hippack.
That has a cool ring to it huh? Hippack. Hippack.
HipPACK!
HippACK!
hee hee.... ;)
That has a cool ring to it huh? Hippack. Hippack.
HipPACK!
HippACK!
hee hee.... ;)
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