So last Saturday I got a chance to play crochet for the first time at a friend's birthday party. Well, the first time in that I was old enough to actually remember how to play the game. And it got me thinking: whose brilliant idea was it to create a game like this?? Is it supposed to be relaxing? How is trying to get the little ball through the wicket relaxing?? And wicket, that's an interesting word. Say it often enough and it loses all meaning. Wicket. Wicket. Wicket. Same thing with golf, I'm sorry, I don't get it. Trying to get the little ball into the hole frustrates me more than it relaxes me. Oh yeah, and then they show golf tournaments on tv??!! Man, that's exciting, I'm going to sit on my couch watching a golf player take 15 minutes to concentrate on the ball before hitting the damn thing. Invigorating.
Now with sex, there can be frustration involved with that, but at least there is a chance for an exciting outcome, a peak. Not just getting the thing into the hole.
Veggie Pizza
Okay, so only veggie pizza should exist, not any pizza with meat. Oh my gosh, why such a drastic statement you ask? Well, first off, yes, I'm vegetarian. I don't have anything against the people who eat meat (the act of eating meat, well, that's a different matter) but if they love meat so much answer me this: WHY do they always go after the veggie pizza when they have a choice? They always say it looks and tastes better, eat that without being cognizant of the vegetarians who can't eat the meat pizza, and end up getting more food. And why in the world do they want to eat more??? So many fucking calories in the meat pizza and on top of that they want to eat my veggie pizza? Are they not embarrassed at all? Buncha gluttons...
So that's why only veggie pizza should exist, because everyone likes it and then the vegetarians won't get screwed. Maybe doing away with the pig and intestines from the menu (aren't people grossed out by that by the way?) we'll have a healthier population here in the US too.
Uh huh, didn't think you'd have a come back for that one.
So that's why only veggie pizza should exist, because everyone likes it and then the vegetarians won't get screwed. Maybe doing away with the pig and intestines from the menu (aren't people grossed out by that by the way?) we'll have a healthier population here in the US too.
Uh huh, didn't think you'd have a come back for that one.
Rats
Have you noticed how people are always taking results from experiments done on rats and applying them to humans? I mean, I know as humans we can be pretty despicable, but being compared to rats, now that's just lowest of the low isn't it?
Clothes
Okay, just wanting to make sure I understand now, that the goal of wearing clothes is to cover whatever part of your body you want covered and then move on with your day and forget they're there, right? Or I gather that's the general idea?
Then why the HELL do some women wear certain tops if they constantly have to check them to make sure their boobs are covered adequately? This girl who sat across from me in a seminar today (who for the most part I cannot stand by the way, for most reasons which I won't go into here) was constantly looking down at her chest and adjusting her top. And it was one of those criss-cross-type tops where each side wraps over each boob individually. And so she'd look down, and pull the blouse up. If I had a nickel for every time she did it...and don't get me started on the flipping of the hair and the constant "like, you know what I mean? like,..." (you'll have to imagine I'm saying that in a valley girl way).
You also have the shorts that are too short and the girls pull those down against their legs. I mean they might as well be picking at a wedgy all the time!
Then why the HELL do some women wear certain tops if they constantly have to check them to make sure their boobs are covered adequately? This girl who sat across from me in a seminar today (who for the most part I cannot stand by the way, for most reasons which I won't go into here) was constantly looking down at her chest and adjusting her top. And it was one of those criss-cross-type tops where each side wraps over each boob individually. And so she'd look down, and pull the blouse up. If I had a nickel for every time she did it...and don't get me started on the flipping of the hair and the constant "like, you know what I mean? like,..." (you'll have to imagine I'm saying that in a valley girl way).
You also have the shorts that are too short and the girls pull those down against their legs. I mean they might as well be picking at a wedgy all the time!
Thin mints
I love this time of year: Girl Scout cookies. At least you feel like your money is being spent (and pounds added to your body) for a good cause. But, why are the Thin Mints called Thin Mints? They're not really that thin. If they are thin, then what are the mints you get at Olive Garden? They are much thinner than these cookies-so they should be called Thinner Mints? Or potato chips are thinner than the Girl Scout Thin Mints aren't they? Then shouldn't they be called "thin potato chips"?
Do fat mints exist? Quite honestly, I haven't seen mints thicker than the Girl Scout Thin Mints. Has someone else seen them and I just happen to not know about them?
Anybody?
Do fat mints exist? Quite honestly, I haven't seen mints thicker than the Girl Scout Thin Mints. Has someone else seen them and I just happen to not know about them?
Anybody?
The American People
Have you noticed that people in this Bush administration are always saying "The American People" ? I mean it's getting corny and annoying isn't it? I mean, American people. Well that's good that they're specifying that because otherwise we'd think they meant American donkeys.
Well, wait come to think of it, no we wouldn't. Given how little this administration seems to care about the people of this country, maybe unless they specify we would think they meant the donkeys. Okay, I get it now.
Well, wait come to think of it, no we wouldn't. Given how little this administration seems to care about the people of this country, maybe unless they specify we would think they meant the donkeys. Okay, I get it now.
Eggrolls
Okay, so why haven't we figured out a way to standardize, or perhaps even define, what exactly an eggroll is? Some places will put egg in it. Others will have chicken or some other kind of meat. And vegetarian doesn't always mean just vegetables because some vegetarians eat eggs or chicken. So if you want a truly vegetarian eggroll, at some places you have to order a spring roll. But some places have spring rolls with meat. And then I was at a Japanese festival yesterday and was at a booth waiting to order and saw that their menu just said "eggrolls" so I asked if it's possible to get vegetarian eggrolls. She told me that all their eggrolls are vegetarian. HOW in the world was I supposed to know that?? Then why didn't they just put "vegetarian eggrolls" on the menu??
All of this mental effort......for an eggroll.
All of this mental effort......for an eggroll.
Results
So we hear all the time how we should enjoy the "journey" of getting toward a goal, rather than just the "destination." That's how you learn, grow, have fun, and really be content. The cliches get old don't they? Well, guess that's why they're called cliches: stop and smell the roses, or, the joy is in the journey, enjoy the ride because the view once you get there doesn't last too long, yada yada yada.
Yeah, I believe the joy's in the journey. But right now I'd rather be going 120 mph rather than 35.
Yeah, I believe the joy's in the journey. But right now I'd rather be going 120 mph rather than 35.
Songs
Ever notice how it's the first 2/3 of a song that is the most fun to listen to? I mean, after most of the song is over, I want to change the radio station, or change the CD track. I mean think about it, the beginning has a catchy beat to get you to start listening, and the stanzas have good lyrics. But after that, once it's just down to the chorus being repeated over and over, WHY would anyone want to listen? And some just go on and on and on and on and on and it's like "all right aleady, I GET it! her body is a wonderland, blah, blah, blah."
So at the recording studio, they should just abruptly stop the recording after 2/3 of the song has been recorded. Or the DJs on the radio station should just stop the music at that point. Wouldn't that be nice?
But guess we can't always have what we want. I would also like a remote to be able to stop those annoying, flaky, flighty and nosy people from talking to me. It's like "STOP and I'm going to move on with my day, have a nice life."
So at the recording studio, they should just abruptly stop the recording after 2/3 of the song has been recorded. Or the DJs on the radio station should just stop the music at that point. Wouldn't that be nice?
But guess we can't always have what we want. I would also like a remote to be able to stop those annoying, flaky, flighty and nosy people from talking to me. It's like "STOP and I'm going to move on with my day, have a nice life."
Who am I?
That's the classic question that everyone asks himself or herself isn't it? Who am I? What am I doing here? What is the meaning of life? I mean, we're trying to find the answer to these questions yet most people haven't yet figured out how to leave a phone message answering my original question so as to avoid phone tag. But that's another issue.
As a kid I remember a friend saying "I told my mom that my toe is me, and she said it's not me." (Yet again, children attempting to answer such metaphysical questions even when they haven't yet figured out how to follow directions. Sorry, again I digress.) And you always hear the same sayings over and over again (which start to get old): "Your body isn't you, it's what's inside that defines who you are." or "What's on the inside is what matters." As an adult I started to understand how my job does not define who I am, but just something I do to earn a living.
But now I have a professor who says, "Your ideas are not you. Or your interpretations when counseling clients are not you." Well hell, those things came from INSIDE me, didn't they?
So who the hell am I? Cuz I'm not my toe, not my body, not my job, and now my bubble's been burst and I find out I'm not my ideas. Well, we're made up of atoms that are mostly space, so guess I'm a buncha nothin'.
As a kid I remember a friend saying "I told my mom that my toe is me, and she said it's not me." (Yet again, children attempting to answer such metaphysical questions even when they haven't yet figured out how to follow directions. Sorry, again I digress.) And you always hear the same sayings over and over again (which start to get old): "Your body isn't you, it's what's inside that defines who you are." or "What's on the inside is what matters." As an adult I started to understand how my job does not define who I am, but just something I do to earn a living.
But now I have a professor who says, "Your ideas are not you. Or your interpretations when counseling clients are not you." Well hell, those things came from INSIDE me, didn't they?
So who the hell am I? Cuz I'm not my toe, not my body, not my job, and now my bubble's been burst and I find out I'm not my ideas. Well, we're made up of atoms that are mostly space, so guess I'm a buncha nothin'.
Partner
Okay, so now it's the "in" thing to call your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend your "partner?" Not "boyfriend" or "wife" or "husband?" On the one hand I think it's great because it doesn't alienate homosexuals and it gets away from the implication of gender stereotypes. After all, these significant others are partners in life.
That's great, but sometimes it makes it harder for me to tell if someone's gay or not.
That's great, but sometimes it makes it harder for me to tell if someone's gay or not.
Research
So I'm part of this research project: providing parenting classes for families going through divorce and testing the effectiveness of the program. I'm going to be co-facilitating the classes with a colleague. I have the phone numbers of the people who have signed up and we are supposed to contact them, do the initial interview, and get to know their situations before the actual group starts. Many of these people do not return my phone calls, and another stood me up last night; I was waiting at HER house to do the interview, mind you.
Our supervisors say to keep calling, that these people are very very busy and we need to leave many many messages before we can hook up with them. Well fuck, you know, I'm really really busy too. And if you think about it, this effort doesn't make sense. So we're creating classes to help people cope with divorce, and we need to test how well the classes work. But in order to test how well they work, we need participants. But the participants aren't really showing an interest. So we're doing all this work to improve a program for which there is no demand?
Don't get me wrong, being in the social work area, of course I advocate education and preventative interventions. But with this experience I can't help but think of a fridge magnet a friend of mind has which says "Why solve a problem when you can spend time researching it instead?"
Our supervisors say to keep calling, that these people are very very busy and we need to leave many many messages before we can hook up with them. Well fuck, you know, I'm really really busy too. And if you think about it, this effort doesn't make sense. So we're creating classes to help people cope with divorce, and we need to test how well the classes work. But in order to test how well they work, we need participants. But the participants aren't really showing an interest. So we're doing all this work to improve a program for which there is no demand?
Don't get me wrong, being in the social work area, of course I advocate education and preventative interventions. But with this experience I can't help but think of a fridge magnet a friend of mind has which says "Why solve a problem when you can spend time researching it instead?"
Cheese
Why do people like cheese? It tastes good? And I mean so many people eat it without anything, like crackers. I can't stand cheese but I can at least comprehend eating cheese and crackers. But cheese without crackers? That's just mushy crap, I'm sorry. And today, this woman sitting next to me in class takes out this BLOCK of cheese and eats the whole thing. With the smell and look of it I thought I was going to vomit. So people eat that...then why don't they just take out a container of sour cream and eat it all up with a spoon?
So yes, I do believe there are rules about eating, and another is that celery should not be eaten raw. It needs to at least have peanut butter with it. I have a friend who eats raw celery without anything on it and not only that, she pulls off strands and eats them, like how you'd eat string cheese. So then why doesn't she just eat dental floss?
So yes, I do believe there are rules about eating, and another is that celery should not be eaten raw. It needs to at least have peanut butter with it. I have a friend who eats raw celery without anything on it and not only that, she pulls off strands and eats them, like how you'd eat string cheese. So then why doesn't she just eat dental floss?
Boyfriends
I've been in just one exclusive dating relationship, in which we actually referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. The others either never turned into anything serious, or weren't exclusive. However, I've still only really dated one guy at a time, so after the break-ups, I referred to them as boyfriends (or rather, ex-boyfriends). It's easier that way than saying long explanations like "the guy I was seeing at the time" or "the guy I dated off and on for 8 months."
Makes sense. Kind of like how there was officially no World War I until there was a World War II.
Makes sense. Kind of like how there was officially no World War I until there was a World War II.
Intelligence
So I'm in class the other day and my professor starts asking the class about all these authors and pieces of writing. Dickens wrote this, Robert Frost wrote that, yada yada yada. Nobody knew anything (of course we all are products of public education in this country). He asked at one point, "You guys don't know this?" And mind you, we're not even studying literature in this program.
But you know, who cares? How does knowing what Dickens wrote versus whoever else prove you're intelligent? Dickens wrote it-that shows intelligence on HIS part. How are we supposed to be intelligent just because we can match up the author with his piece of writing and sit around and TALK about it? Furthermore, how in the world does knowing this information help you to make money or get laid?
But you know, who cares? How does knowing what Dickens wrote versus whoever else prove you're intelligent? Dickens wrote it-that shows intelligence on HIS part. How are we supposed to be intelligent just because we can match up the author with his piece of writing and sit around and TALK about it? Furthermore, how in the world does knowing this information help you to make money or get laid?
Cookbook
With my birthday coming up, I've been thinking about what gifts I'd like to receive. And then I remembered one gift that I got over Christmas: a cookbook. A cookbook. I mean I was just jumping for joy and couldn't WAIT to play with it! Man, really something I can use right away!
That's the stupidest gift EVER! Well, I guess it's the thought that counts. Yeah, whatever. If ANY amount of thought had been put into that, she would've realized that I'm a full-time STUDENT who barely has time to make the dishes I already know how to make, much less take the time to make new ones. And I've been racking my brain trying to figure out when I gave the impression that I'm always cooking and love to try new recipes.
Maybe next Christmas I'll get her a calculus book.
That's the stupidest gift EVER! Well, I guess it's the thought that counts. Yeah, whatever. If ANY amount of thought had been put into that, she would've realized that I'm a full-time STUDENT who barely has time to make the dishes I already know how to make, much less take the time to make new ones. And I've been racking my brain trying to figure out when I gave the impression that I'm always cooking and love to try new recipes.
Maybe next Christmas I'll get her a calculus book.
Instruction manual
So there's this cute guy at school I have a crush on and, (I'm a little worried about speaking too soon), I think he likes me too. Man, if there were a dating instruction manual for women, it'd be like a never-ending loop, with each message contradicting another:
-Don't be an adult about it and ask him out directly, you'll look needy.
-Ask him out, guys like women who take the initiative for a change.
-Play it cool and hide your true feelings.
-Be yourself.
-But if you reveal that part of yourself too soon it could be a turn-off, timing is everything.
-Why ask him out now? The flirting and head games are fun.
-Guys are so relieved and appreciative when you ask them out, because it's just as hard for them to do.
-Don't date a guy who doesn't ask you out first, that's how you really know he's in to you.
-He's in to you. He's just a shy pansy-assed bitch. (So you'll never go out with him anyway.)
-He's not shy, he's just being a jerk by leading you on.
-Play it cool and work on the friendship first. The best relationships come from friendships.
-Act fast before someone else takes him.
-Don't wait too long cuz once he thinks of you as a friend, you'll have less of a chance.
-He asked you out, but that's just because he thinks of you as a friend who also wanted to see that movie.
-Don't ask him out; guys like women who are hard to get.
So we're being elusive with each other even when we like each other. Hmm, makes sense. Probably why a lot of people don't hook up, yet complain about being single.
-Don't be an adult about it and ask him out directly, you'll look needy.
-Ask him out, guys like women who take the initiative for a change.
-Play it cool and hide your true feelings.
-Be yourself.
-But if you reveal that part of yourself too soon it could be a turn-off, timing is everything.
-Why ask him out now? The flirting and head games are fun.
-Guys are so relieved and appreciative when you ask them out, because it's just as hard for them to do.
-Don't date a guy who doesn't ask you out first, that's how you really know he's in to you.
-He's in to you. He's just a shy pansy-assed bitch. (So you'll never go out with him anyway.)
-He's not shy, he's just being a jerk by leading you on.
-Play it cool and work on the friendship first. The best relationships come from friendships.
-Act fast before someone else takes him.
-Don't wait too long cuz once he thinks of you as a friend, you'll have less of a chance.
-He asked you out, but that's just because he thinks of you as a friend who also wanted to see that movie.
-Don't ask him out; guys like women who are hard to get.
So we're being elusive with each other even when we like each other. Hmm, makes sense. Probably why a lot of people don't hook up, yet complain about being single.
Terror
So we're fighting the war on terror. Okay, that's good. Cuz for a while there (you know, with the war against Iraq, and attacking Pakistan the other day) I thought terror was a good thing. Glad I'm straight on that.
And I am allowed to voice my feelings against the war as long as I don't say Bush lied or that it's about oil. Whew, close one, cuz before, I thought I had the right of free speech.
And I am allowed to voice my feelings against the war as long as I don't say Bush lied or that it's about oil. Whew, close one, cuz before, I thought I had the right of free speech.
The Shins
Okay, what is up with the popularity of this group? They have songs that just go on and on with no crescendo. And you can't make out what they're saying! Do people like them because of the name? Is it the cool new fad, even if they're not that great? So you feel cool by saying "I like the shins." I mean that one song on the Garden State soundtrack: I cannot for the life of me figure out what they are saying. It just goes on and one with "turn, turn me live, turn, turn, hmmmmm...tuuuuurn, tuuurrrn"
So is it their name that makes them cool? I think of my legs when I hear the name. I have nice legs but still...
So is it their name that makes them cool? I think of my legs when I hear the name. I have nice legs but still...
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