Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Fanny pack

Why is it called a fanny pack? Most people don't wear it on their fanny. It should be called a gut pack, or hippack.

That has a cool ring to it huh? Hippack. Hippack.

HipPACK!

HippACK!

hee hee.... ;)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dreams

Ever notice how when people tell you about a dream they had last night, they always start with, "Dude, I had such a weird dream last night.." or "I always have such weird dreams..".

I mean that's a bit redundant isn't it? Does anyone ever have NORMAL dreams?? I mean you never hear someone say, "Well I had this dream where I was having a picnic in the park with my family, just like we actually did last weekend!" I mean that's why it's a dream, it's not your regular waking life.

A "weird dream" is like saying a "weird psychotherapist" or a "weird roommate."

Where are the NORMAL roommates??!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Basketball

Okay, so I don't even know why in any national basketball game they actually go through the formality of "playing" the game anymore. Because there is no real playing, strategy, pik-setting, etc. It's just "Ooo, good, we got the ball, so let's just rush over there and shoot!" Then why not just play some music, do a little dance at one basket, pick a player to shoot, and then have the other team do the same thing at the other basket? It'd make it a lot more entertaining for the audience I'll tell you that.

I mean and it's all so commercial with so much drama and ads on tv before the frickin' game is finally over. Then the game is over and there's more drama, especially after the finals. There's all the time spent in presenting the trophy, seeing the players scream like idiots and listening to annoying reporters ask "What does it feel like to be a champion?" Pick a feeling lady, you might be right on. And then you have the MVP award. I mean WHY have that at all?? If each player is just trying to shoot to run up their stats so they can get MVP, then doesn't that take away from teamwork?

And why is it called a *free* throw? How many times do they actually MAKE their free throws?

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Common Sense

The problem with the term common sense is, not only is it not that common (I mean we do have the Darwin awards don't we?), but what is considered "common sense" depends on whom you ask. Some examples, if you will:

Q: "Why can't you wipe up flour off the counter with water?"
A: Mom: "That's just common sense!"

Q: "Why can't you know an electron's position and speed at the same time?"
A: Heisenberg: "That's just common sense!"

Q: "Why is it that eating more carbs can lead to higher cholesterol?"
A: Nutritionists: "That's just common sense!"

Q: "Why are we at war with Iraq?"
A: Bush: "That's just common sense!"

This probably explains the sad state of the human condition...

Combination foods

So what's the deal with Animal Crackers? And why do people like them? I get that children might, since they look like animals. But why do ADULTS eat them??? And they're not quite crackers or cookies, but somewhere in between. It's like be a cookie or a cracker, but pick one.

Same thing with tiramisu, it's not quite a cake or a custard. So my brain is like, "WHAT am I eating?"

Nuff said.

Potato pancakes

What's so special about potato pancakes? One time I ordered them at like Denny's or something and was expecting them to be like actual PANCAKES except stuffed with potato (sorta like potato bread, or this Indian potato bread that my mommy makes that is really really yummy).

But NO, I essentially get HASH BROWNS. That's all they are, aren't they?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Starbucks

Have you noticed this new way of greeting customers that Starbucks now has? They say, "Hello, what can I get started for you?"

Does that annoy ANYONE but me??? What the hell does that mean??? Not to mention it's even more annoying when they say it in a high-pitched saccharine voice that makes me want to puke. Once when there was a long line and they said that, I thought it was their way of appeasing us when there was going to be a wait. Like it was their way of saying, "I'll take your order and we can get started." But today the lady said it to me when I was the ONLY one in line!

I think I'll respond with:
"Well can you start it and FINISH making it?" or,
"Well there is something you can start for me, but I'd have to go home to finish. Or at least go to the bathroom..."

Hey, might as well have some fun with it if I want the mocha chip frappacino.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Political speeches

Ever notice how political speeches are just filled with a bunch of fluff? A friend of mine forwarded me Obama's victory speech on U-tube and though I don't normally care to watch that stuff, I thought I'd give this one a try since it came from a trusted source of mine with whom I share similar political beliefs. And afterward I was like, "There's 9 minutes of my life I won't get back." I mean give me a break, like the first 5 minutes were spent with clapping and like a million thank-you's. Then fiiiinally he gets around to saying "I'm pleased to be the demoncratic nominee" or something like that. Then at about minute 7 he thanks everyone he wants to thank..sheesh..

I mean do these candidates know how much 9 minutes is worth??? I guess not, if most of your job involves just listening to clapping, saying no more than "thank you" most of the time, and just visiting different parts of the country shaking people's hands and surveying the situations and pretending to care about them.

Well for us commoners, do they know how much 9 minutes is worth:

-In the morning on the freeway on the way to work?
-In a therapy session?
-During SEX?

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Board games

Ever notice how whenever people get tired while playing a board game, or they get bored of it, they say things like, "That's fine, let him have the point if it means we'll end this game soon." or "I'm no longer trying to be competitive cuz I just want the game to end!"

Well if you don't want to play anymore and you don't care who wins, then why not just STOP playing the game??

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Tacos

Does anyone wonder why people eat tacos? I mean hard-shelled tacos. They don't make sense! You take one bite and the whole thing falls apart! You might as well crunch up the shell and mix it in with the filling and eat it with a fork, right?

And what's the point of soft tacos? Because you take a bite and when you put it down, it comes apart. You have to put it back together before you take the next bite. Then why not just eat a burrito? Isn't it easier to just *completely* wrap everything in a tortilla rather than half-way?

Head hurt, head really hurt...