Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Sports

Okay folks, I have an announcement to make. We may think we're being controlled by Big Brother, the government, or cults. No, in reality, we are controlled by sports in this country. I mean, the obsession with sports teams and their stats and the VIPs and blah, blah blah, blah blah, I don't GET it. How does it help your life if your favorite team wins? What percentage of the credit can you take for their victory? I mean jeez, people say "We won! we won!" and Seinfeld couldn't be more right on by saying "No, they won, you watched." And you get your ass out there on some basketball court, and only then can you comment on how much a team's pointguard sucks. And only if your fantasy football team wins do you get to walk away with some cash, but other than that, after the finals, you're back to your sad and pathetic life.

But now with the internet, we have hit a new low among the spectator group. At least if people watch the game on tv, I can see the fun in following along and actually seeing the action. But now that the internet offers minute-by-minute updates, if people can't watch the game, they're always on the internet checking the score. And this happened at a party I was at. That's probably one of the worst insults, to get ignored in a conversation because most of the person's attention is on the computer checking the score when they could just find out the FINAL score after the game's over. They look like idiots, like how a man looks dumb-founded when seeing a woman walk by in a bikini on the hiking trail. Yet we don't pay enough attention to the crap our government is trying to pull, something that actually affects us.

If aliens are observing us, and see people fixated on the internet, or watching men in tight pants running around and smacking each other on the butt, who are they going to think is in control?

Aging

I've prided myself on being somewhat of a pseudo-minimalist but dear God, I'm only 30 and am already turning into an old spinster. I can't stand loud music, am single and have a cat, don't really drink, can't stand college students, meditate, am behind with technology (don't own an IPod or DVD player and have a dinosaur of a cell phone), have taken up crocheting, and go to bed at 9 and wake up at 5.

Now I just need my bifocals, white shoes, and to move to Florida.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Cuisine

I must share: I feel so relieved and much happier now that some friends at a bbq yesterday ate a bunch of dessert I had brought. My mom had made it and it's really good (an Indian dessert), but way to sweet for my taste, and I couldn't have finished it on my own.

But folks, I have to say, this is a relief because in my experience, it's quite rare. It's amazing to me that even in our gluttonous culture, people here in the US are so nervous about trying different foods. I mean yes, a part of me gets a bit hurt or annoyed when something I bring doesn't get appreciated or eaten, but more amazingly, people don't want to try new things so that they can have a wider variety in their meal selection? But noooo, and I don't think these folks have any idea how ridiculous they look when they crinkle up their nose and say, "What's THAT?"

Oh that's right, if it has anything other than salt, pepper or cinnamon, they have no idea what it is and of course it MUST be something gross. I mean hell, we're such pigs in this culture I'm surprised more people aren't trying different ethnic restaurants. Heaven forbid that you may be able to add more food choices to your lifestyle. Or, they want to Americanize a dish by adding something to it that no longer makes it an authentic Indian dish, for example, and takes away from the flavor that's supposed to be there.

I mean, would you meat-eaters out there put ketchup on your steak?

Celebrities

I love how on MSN they have the news blurb, "What you can learn from celebrity break-ups."

Uh, here's a stab in the dark: don't marry one?

House numbers

Okay, this is somewhat of a sad thing to have to admit, but looking for a house to which I am going for the first time causes me a good deal of anxiety. Getting to the street, no problem, but what is UP with those numbers being so damn small? I was looking for a house # 522 yesterday in BROAD DAYLIGHT and even I, who has almost perfect vision, had to squint to see it. What is the point of those numbers if they cannot be read from the street??? And don't get me started on the various places the numbers could be. Some are near the front door, some are on the garage door, some are painted on the curb...so I have no idea where to look to see if I'm at the right house. And those painted on the curb are totally useless as they have worn off. I felt like such a dork stopping for like 20 seconds at a few houses and peering out my car window until I finally got to # 522, and even then, the only reason I recognized the house was because my friend's motorcycle was out front.

How hard is it to standardize the location and size of these numbers? Where are my tax dollars going? It can't cost that much to redo the numbers. We're like the world's greatest superpower and we can't have better numbering of our houses? In that case, it's easier to find houses in Costa Rica, even where (and probably because) the streets have no name! (Hey, is that the place U2 is singing about?)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Accessories

We accessorize WAY to much in this country. I don't think people give enough thought to whether there is a practical use at all to the shit they buy. And for women, it's worse. You have the liquid shower soaps that need those damn squooshy, spongy things. You need shampoo, conditioner, gel, hairspray, yada yada, a washcloth, towel and a hair towel. A hair towel. So if these towels are more absorbent than regular bath towels, then why not have all towels be made of that same material?? You can then spend less time toweling off at the end. I'm not your stereotypical woman at all (and proud of it). I have my dial bar soap, 2-in-1 shampoo, no washcloth, and regular towels, and I've still gotten compliments on my hair and the way I smell. In the bathroom, I'm all about in n' out.

And don't get me started on this table cover thing I just learned about. Have you heard of this? A cover for your table. I can't quite remember the name but it's something like a table mat, or table board, or whatever. It's put on the table so that the table surface doesn't get damaged with hot pans. Hmmm, so you buy an expensive table whose top you can't really use? You've already spent all this money on a table and then have to spend additional money on a cover? Don't people generally have table cloths on their tables all the time anyway? So why get an expensive table if not only can you not see it all the time, but can't use it?

Well, guess I shouldn't say anything. I've got a hot bod that isn't getting used.

Movies

Ever notice how one way that a new movie's success is measured is by the amount of ticket sales the first weekend it opens? The first weekend. So how can you say with that that the movie is a good one? Unless people go to see the movie, they can't give their reviews, can they? And people are not very discriminatory in this country with the movies they see (look at all the crappy movies that are released every year). So just because they went to see it for the FIRST time doesn't mean the movie's a success.

That's almost like saying that by simply existing, just being, people are contributing to the world. And we all know that's not true.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Restaurants

So tonight I ate dinner at a Chinese restaurant with a friend, and when we get our bill, it says "Guest Check" on the top. So if we're GUESTS of the restaurant, then why do we have to pay? And not only that, we have to tip, which is paying the waiters or waitresses extra for doing a job that they're supposed to do anyway. And even with that, there's rarely a happy medium between too much and too little attention from them. They either interrupt a conversation in which I'm speaking passionately about something, and at the inopportune time, ask me if everything's okay. But when I don't have water, they're never around for like 20 minutes to ask for a refill on water.

And oh yeah, so what IS it with some places not even giving you any water at the beginning? Water is a basic necessity. It is like GOLD in the desert, folks. You need it ALL the time. But it is still amazing how many places slack off with hydrating you enough. They should just line up glasses of water on a table near the door as you walk in, so that you have it right away and the waiters don't have to remember to put it at your table at the beginning.

So next time I invite guests to my house for dinner, I'll put a water cooler near the front door, and give them a bill at the end.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Waiting

Boy have our priorities gotten completely screwed up in today's go-go lifestyle. We can't wait and deal with a 3-second delay on the internet, want only CD's or DVD's because we don't want to deal with 30 seconds of fast-forwarding, and we want a jump drive so that we can store more information in less space, in turn giving ourselves more work to do at home.

But the funny thing with me is that today, I actually wanted to WAIT in the waiting room at the doctor's office. See, because this time, I actually remembered to bring the book I'm reading. I HAD the book, so I wanted to use it for that purpose! But noooo, the doctor with his go-go schedule called me like a minute after I sat down. And then I dropped my prescription off at the pharmacy, went to the bathroom and then sat down, hoping to read some of the good book while the pharmacist was getting my prescription ready, and a second later, it's ready. I didn't get to read the book, again.

I'm not upset because I necessarily wanted to read the book then and there, but because I HAD it to be able to read in the room in which I was expecting to WAIT.