Friday, July 31, 2009

Innovations in Pizza

So now, you know that we have hit the bottom of the barrel with interesting changes to pizza when all Pizza Hut can come up with is the pizza with the no edge crust. Well it kinda makes sense, I mean we probably have all the innovations to pizza that are possible.

Look at toppings for example. There's all kinds of meat, veggies, pineapple, anchovies (ick)....
Look at the crust: you have thin, thick, hand-tossed, stuffed crust, gluten-free...
Look at cheese: soy, low-fat, whole-milk...
Look at sauce: marinara, pesto, white...
We've even cut it into squares as well as triangles!

I mean, so what else CAN they do with pizza? So we're left with the stupid no-crust pizza. And why do that at all? No special innovations to toilet paper can be made so we left that alone, right? So now, these restaurants need to leave pizza alone.

A pizza without crust is as good as pizza cut into squares: it's not easy to hold. So leave it ALONE.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tiramisu

So like, what's the deal with Tiramisu? Is it cake, is it custard, what the hell is it?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Irony

Okay, so I'm just gonna say this one time (ah, who am I kiddin, I'll be bitchin about it for as long as I live): how can we put a man on the moon and yet so many people don't know what the definition of "irony" is??? K, I'm gonna throw out some other words that people actually mean when they say "ironic:"

Coincidental, paradoxical, hypocritical, contradictory, fittingly, or simply *unexpected.*

Pick one, k? Pleeeeeeaaaaase pick ANY other one other than ironic cuz you probably don't mean ironic. I don't care if the other one you pick is also wrong, I'm just tired of hearing "ironic." Writers should not even write good irony anymore if people can't recognize it. And we can watch What the Bleep do We Know? and discuss quantum physics, but don't get common vocabulary?

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Capitalism

Now you gotta admire the audacity of capitalism, don't ya? Even in this economic crisis, you've got those morons outside the grocery trying to sell you portraits. Um yeah, of all the things I could purchase, the one thing I REALLY need is a picture of my non-photogenic self. And the stupid way they make you pose too: K, now point your knees to the left, face the right, tilt your head to the left, and look to your right. Now smile and say cheese! What the fuck is all that???

Or you've got those plastics at the mall tryin' to sell ya a $15, 8 oz, bottle of lotion. "Hello! Can I help ya with anything?" And as soon as they see your gaze in the direction of a particular product: "Oh, you can buy 2 of those and get the 3rd free!"

Wonder if these idiots buy their own products. I wanna say, "Why don't YOU buy 2 and get the 3rd for free????"

(Imagine that with the voice.)

Numbers

Ever notice how in movies, when the characters give someone their numbers, the beginning of the phone numbers always start with 555? I mean can the writers come up with ANY other number combinations? I can come up with a few off the top of my head right now: 785, 937, 864, 232. See?



I did that fast cuz I used my number pad on my keyboard.



Here are some more: 852, 742, 242, 987.

See?