Thursday, July 31, 2008

Cat vomit

Okay, I may have spoken too soon when I said I'd rather have a cat than a kid. I mean a day doesn't go by that I'm not cleaning up cat vomit. Pretty soon my carpet is going to go from its gray color to a brown! I mean I have wooden floors or tiles in most of my living area but WHERE does she always throw up???? The CARPET!

So if we have robots that can act like humans, why don't they just put computer chips in the little buggers that are programmed such that the cats immediately start walking to the floor as they start to feel nauseous?

I mean, doesn't it seem like so much more practical things could be done with technology compared to things like IPods and texting? If anything, those things are making us stupider with people being checked out from their surroundings with the music, and their grammar getting ruined with the texting! And did you hear about the woman who fell into the street as she was walking and texting?

wtf??? btw, the Empress is 4ever, agree? Lmk!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Weather

Sometimes I think the weather channel should only present what happened in the past, not what they THINK is going to happen in the future. Think about it, we look at the weather before planning something but how often does that weather report turn out to be accurate? So if we can't be 100% accurate, then why report it at all?

Rather, presenting what happened in the past would be more entertaining. It could be a reality show of how people think they can beat the weather. Like "It was pouring down rain and a few 30-something women attempted to mend their PERMEABLE tent at a campsite. It was all in vain and they ended up leaving the campsite and staying in a hotel room (now THAT's the way to camp). The next day they went up the hiking trail and it started pouring, so they put on their ponchos and started heading back down the mountain. And folks, of course as we know, they didn't have their ponchos on and AFTER they put them on, the rain (of course) stopped. They then felt hot so they took the ponchos off. But it started raining again, so they had to dig into the bags for the ponchos AGAIN!"

So the channel could be called, "Hindsight weather, the chumps got stumped!"

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Salad dressing

So we can take pictures of Mars, but why can't EVERY salad dressing bottle have a narrow spout out of which to pour the dressing? I mean we have all of our ketchup and mustard in plastic squeeze containers don't we?

So I accidentally pour too much salad dressing and it's like "Whoa! Here's some salad with my dressing!"

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Toilets

I think the human race is just plain screwed when it comes to toilets. I mean there is just no fool-proof way to take care of such necessary natural functions. I have to get a new toilet for my bathroom because there's a crack in it and it started leaking. My mom said that well, it is an old toilet, makes sense it's time to replace it.

But the thing is, no matter how old or new or what TYPE of toilet, there have ALWAYS been problems for me with using them. In our brand new house with new toilets "efficient" toilets, we still had problems with those; both leaked and one did so badly that almost the entire bottom floor flooded. In my first apartment, the toilet always clogged. In my second apartment it had cracked and flooded the whole apartment. Here the toilet is old and cracked. The other toilet in the guest bathroom takes a long time to flush. I also know of a few friends who have always had toilet issues. In Ghana, the contraption in the tank kept us from being able to use the handle to flush it. No matter where in the WORLD you go, it's a problem! 150 years ago, you had to go to the smelly outhouse. No matter what TIME PERIOD, peeing or taking a crap is just not a fun, comfortable thing to do.

And there are ALWAYS instructions on the toilets in people's houses like "Please hold down the handle until everything flushes." Well hey, here's a message for the toilet manufacturers: "Make some sturdy toilets you muthafukaz!" I mean steel's been around for a while hasn't it? So why do they still insist on using porcelain? They use steel in NASA don't they?

And that's just it; we can take pictures of Mars but we can't make problem-free toilets???? Doesn't being able to go to the bathroom take priority over what the hell MAY have happened on Mars like 3 billion years ago?? Those NASA engineers should take more toilet pictures instead and do some investigative work there.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Man on the Moon

Oh wait, I think I get it now. The reason we can't do simple things, or why we make things unnecessarily complicated is BECAUSE we've put a man on the moon. Well now I won't always say, "We can put a man on the moon but.." (hell, who am I kiddin', I'll still always say that).

But why we just can't keep things simple is beyond me. At work the other day I was cooking dinner for the clients and do they have the small, simple, easy-to-use can opener there? No. They have 2 kinds: one has the gears on both sides which I can never get to work for me (so annoying when you can't get the thing open in one swoop) and another one that has this huge crank thing! It's like, we're not opening barrels of oil!!! Why do we need a can opener with a huge crank for a small can of peas??? The small can is too light to stay on the counter top so you have no leverage to use the huge-ass crank thing.

And now our friend Bill has released MS 2007. Um, excuse me, the recent version of Word before that had like 4,000 features. Now this is just my GUESS and all, but was anyone USING all of those features? So why do we need a new system when I'm used to and am perfectly fine with the old one? We have MS 07 at work now and it is completely un-userfriendly.

I think instead Microsoft should spend money on bringing in counselors for their programmers and teach them how to date. Then they'd really be making a contribution to society!