Isn't it funny how recipes often give such special instructions? Like my pina colada mix recipe ends with "garnish glass with an orange and pineapple slice." Not just an orange slice, or just a pineapple slice, or no slice at all, or strawberry slice, but both an orange and pineapple slice. I mean the audacity to be so specific! They don't even say "garnish with a paper umbrella and/or your favorite fruit." I mean, who reads or edits these? Who has the final word on how a pina colada should be garnished?
Well in therapy it's certainly not ethnical to give specific advice, and certainly not if it's not presented as just one of many possibilities. I suppose as a client walks out the door I can pat them on the back and say "take the day off tomorrow, you deserve it." But I can't say "do as I say, not as I do."
ha ha ha
Birthdays
It seems a bit funny to me that we celebrate our birthdays. The one day in the year that we expect to be all about us, despite all the other chances we have to get things from loved ones like Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, etc.
I was thinking to myself yesterday, "Self, why do you expect your birthday to be about you?" It's like, we want to get credit for being born? Why do we get credit for that? It's our parents who had sex, moms who got knocked up and parents who dealt with us being terrors as toddlers. Further, it's the moms that did the work on this day, work that seemed like what was pushing a watermelon out of a hole the size of a pea.
Ah yes, parents, the flawless travel agents of guilt trips. So I've figured it out:
We should buy our mothers presents on our own birthdays, and yell at our grandparents on our parents' birthdays!
:)
I was thinking to myself yesterday, "Self, why do you expect your birthday to be about you?" It's like, we want to get credit for being born? Why do we get credit for that? It's our parents who had sex, moms who got knocked up and parents who dealt with us being terrors as toddlers. Further, it's the moms that did the work on this day, work that seemed like what was pushing a watermelon out of a hole the size of a pea.
Ah yes, parents, the flawless travel agents of guilt trips. So I've figured it out:
We should buy our mothers presents on our own birthdays, and yell at our grandparents on our parents' birthdays!
:)
Top 10 ways you know that your psychology grad program has taken over your life.
10) You unload the dishwasher as a break from work.
9) When reading food labels, you look for p<.05.
8) You automatically ask your friends how they feel.
7) You process every interpersonal interaction.
6) You overuse the word process.
5) You conceptualize every character when watching a movie.
4) You soil yourself during your dissertation proposal defense.
3) You feel like punching the next person who asks you how your dissertation is coming along.
2) You feel like killing the next person who asks you when you're going to graduate.
and
1) You're convinced your advisor is responsible for the middle east conflict.
9) When reading food labels, you look for p<.05.
8) You automatically ask your friends how they feel.
7) You process every interpersonal interaction.
6) You overuse the word process.
5) You conceptualize every character when watching a movie.
4) You soil yourself during your dissertation proposal defense.
3) You feel like punching the next person who asks you how your dissertation is coming along.
2) You feel like killing the next person who asks you when you're going to graduate.
and
1) You're convinced your advisor is responsible for the middle east conflict.
Family members,
are like allergies. You can't completely get rid of them. You can only manage them.
And cuss them out.
And they still come back.
And cuss them out.
And they still come back.
Med names
As a BHT I often assist clients with their meds, and med education is a part of that process, so that clients know what, how much and why they are taking their meds. This got me and a coworker talking about how long, unpronounceable and forgettable the names are, particularly when there is a constant switch back and forth between brand names and generic names. If WE can't keep them straight, how the hell would underfunctioning clients keep them straight??
Then we got to talking about how if the names were easier to remember, then clients would know what they're taking.
Like the Happy pill. Or Calm Me Down Pill. Or Poop pill. Or I Can't Feel Anything Pill.
Then the med assist conversations that normally go like,
"And what pill is that that you're taking?"
"I don't know"
would instead be,
"What pill are you taking?"
"The Happy Pill So I Don't Blow Someone's Brains Out. I know what pill I'm taking."
Then we got to talking about how if the names were easier to remember, then clients would know what they're taking.
Like the Happy pill. Or Calm Me Down Pill. Or Poop pill. Or I Can't Feel Anything Pill.
Then the med assist conversations that normally go like,
"And what pill is that that you're taking?"
"I don't know"
would instead be,
"What pill are you taking?"
"The Happy Pill So I Don't Blow Someone's Brains Out. I know what pill I'm taking."
The belt
At what point did wearing a belt stop being the norm? There was a shift, I just don't remember when. We went from tucking our shirts in and wearing belts to no belts and leaving the shirts out. I think the latter looks better but silly me forgets that I could still wear a belt with my shirt out, to help keep my pants up. DUH. So at work the other day I was walking around like a dork cuz I kept having to pull up my pants!
Mouthwash
I try to buy different flavors of mouthwash each time, to give myself variety. Plus someone had told me that if you vary your tooth products, then it has a greater impact on cleaning your teeth. I guess you're teeth stop responding as much to the same product, much the same way that your body stops responding to the same antihistamine?
Anyway, so when I'm at the store I'm thinking, "Shoot, which is the one I have at home, green or blue?" The last 3 times I thought I had green and ended up buying blue again! Why I'm not this OCD about my toothpaste is beyond me.
Do you know how annoying that is?
(Imagine crazy Joe Devola saying that.) lol
Anyway, so when I'm at the store I'm thinking, "Shoot, which is the one I have at home, green or blue?" The last 3 times I thought I had green and ended up buying blue again! Why I'm not this OCD about my toothpaste is beyond me.
Do you know how annoying that is?
(Imagine crazy Joe Devola saying that.) lol
Necessity,
is the mother of invention? Um, sure.
Cuz we would absolutely DIE without the MP3 player.
Seems more like capitalism is the mother of invention to me.
Oops, better be careful for lightening might strike me for being a socialist. Like all those crazy-assed Europeans.
Cuz we would absolutely DIE without the MP3 player.
Seems more like capitalism is the mother of invention to me.
Oops, better be careful for lightening might strike me for being a socialist. Like all those crazy-assed Europeans.
Security
Online security has become about as pathetic as airport security. Every 2 seconds I am asked to sign back into my email account. Um, can you see me Mr. Computer? It's still me, Margaret. Hence the system works more against us than for us. I mean there is a point of diminishing returns where you make the system so overprotective it's not really functional anymore.
Similarly, we must look really pathetic to Al Qaeda as they watch us on the news. Because SURELY they haven't thought of us thinking of body scanners once one of their men gets caught with a bomb in his underwear. I doubt they're thinking, "I'm going to do it the EXACT same way next time!"
And what do the CIA and FBI do then exactly? At what point are they going to realize, "Oooooooohhhhhhh, we want to stay one step AHEAD of the criminals! Oooohhh!"
Similarly, we must look really pathetic to Al Qaeda as they watch us on the news. Because SURELY they haven't thought of us thinking of body scanners once one of their men gets caught with a bomb in his underwear. I doubt they're thinking, "I'm going to do it the EXACT same way next time!"
And what do the CIA and FBI do then exactly? At what point are they going to realize, "Oooooooohhhhhhh, we want to stay one step AHEAD of the criminals! Oooohhh!"
Industrial engineers
Industrial engineers or ergonomists have gotten a bad rap for not being "real" engineers. Yet there are so many things that seem to be common sense but they obviously are not because they are conducted in an idiotic manner. Well now steps in the industrial engineer with a couple scientific principles and her critique:
The toilet paper needs to be reachable from the TOILET. Not from the SINK. I want to know what architects or building designers or whatever are thinking. I'm staying with a friend and in her bathroom, the toilet paper is like a mile away from the toilet! I'd like to be able to easily REACH the toilet paper but hey, that's just me. Unless it was some NBA player who tested the distance and his 4 feet arms could reach it. But oooohhhhh, the little short peon doesn't matter.
When you get coffee, you pick up the cup, pour the coffee, add the cream and sweetner, then attach the lid. However at the Texaco here, I poured my coffee and then see that the creamer is at a *different* counter. And the sweetner? You guessed it, a different counter than that! And the lid, well, I couldn't reach it!
I need to buy my own state and use my Empress powers and engineering knowledge to make things more convenient for short people only in that state. Tall people: you've had your way for TOOOOO long!!!!!!!!!
The toilet paper needs to be reachable from the TOILET. Not from the SINK. I want to know what architects or building designers or whatever are thinking. I'm staying with a friend and in her bathroom, the toilet paper is like a mile away from the toilet! I'd like to be able to easily REACH the toilet paper but hey, that's just me. Unless it was some NBA player who tested the distance and his 4 feet arms could reach it. But oooohhhhh, the little short peon doesn't matter.
When you get coffee, you pick up the cup, pour the coffee, add the cream and sweetner, then attach the lid. However at the Texaco here, I poured my coffee and then see that the creamer is at a *different* counter. And the sweetner? You guessed it, a different counter than that! And the lid, well, I couldn't reach it!
I need to buy my own state and use my Empress powers and engineering knowledge to make things more convenient for short people only in that state. Tall people: you've had your way for TOOOOO long!!!!!!!!!
Facebook is like the on-line version of a high school reunion. You know, suddenly all these folks you haven't seen or spoken to in like decades have a ton of things to say to you, of which a tiny few are mildly interesting. But the ones that you mostly "talk" and "banter" with are the ones that you see more often in real life anyway! They're like your guests that you drag to the reunion so that you have someone to talk to while you're there.
Course there are two main differences. High school reunions happen every 10 years whereas you can never leave FB if you wanted to. Though you can ignore certain comments and chat invitations and those folks never know it.
Maybe I'll carry a little sign with me that says "offline" to tape to my forehead if a party I'm at turns bad.
Course there are two main differences. High school reunions happen every 10 years whereas you can never leave FB if you wanted to. Though you can ignore certain comments and chat invitations and those folks never know it.
Maybe I'll carry a little sign with me that says "offline" to tape to my forehead if a party I'm at turns bad.
People watching
Seinfeld was so right when he said, "Humans love to watch other humans." So true...I mean perhaps we'd be a bit more content if we stopped comparing ourselves to others and focused on being better people in general. I dunno, JUST an idea...
But the part that is most funny to me is how we are so into the lives of celebrities. Perhaps if we spent just half that time trying to enhance our own lives we'd also be more content. I dunno, JUST an idea...
And what's even funnier to me is that we get offended when those close to us give us "negative" feedback and we consider that as them "judging" us. But these are people who know us the most and have the information to actually be able to judge, and yet we feel we can judge celebrities when we know even LESS about them! Like when my mom says to me, "I'm worried about you." I think "WTF?? Why are you worried about me? What reasons could I have given you to WORRY about me? Haven't you seen I've taken care of myself all these years? YOU don't know anything about me!"
But the same people who would have that type of reaction to family or friends say things like, "Michael Jackson is such a freak" (and like Lady Gaga's not? That's another story...) or "Andre Agassi does drugs!!!" Um, yeah, like all the other people who make up a huge percentage of the population that does-newsflash: he's not God. "Michael Jackson's not really black!" Well, just like white folks aren't white anymore when they choose to bake in the sun despite the skin cancer. "Michael Jackson looks weird with all those plastic surgeries." Don't get me started on the number of people who could do without boob jobs and excessive makeup.
We don't have personal contact with these celebrities or know what they've truly been through! I mean I can understand a "judgment" regarding hurting another person, but I think we could stand for a bit more compassion when people do things to harm themselves.
And the *types* of news our society finds interesting these days is weak and pathetic, but it's interesting just cuz they're celebrities. But I bet I can at least *match* the excitement of some of the celebrity experiences:
-Tiger Woods got into a car accident!
Well, Felda got 3 tickets for running a red light, and you have to go through *separate* traffic school for that offense, each time. The second time, a MONTH later, I had the SAME instructor. Not only that, he recognized me-you can imagine my embarrassment.
-Howard Dean gave his wife a PLANT for her birthday! (k, so that's an old example)
Well if I had a dime for each time I got CANDY as a gift from a secret santa, well, I'd have like, $2.
-Jennifer Aniston is single again!
If we have a couple years, I could explain to you the level of pathetic-ness of the guys I've dated in my lifetime that led me to break up with them.
TMZ needs to have a Felda segment!
But the part that is most funny to me is how we are so into the lives of celebrities. Perhaps if we spent just half that time trying to enhance our own lives we'd also be more content. I dunno, JUST an idea...
And what's even funnier to me is that we get offended when those close to us give us "negative" feedback and we consider that as them "judging" us. But these are people who know us the most and have the information to actually be able to judge, and yet we feel we can judge celebrities when we know even LESS about them! Like when my mom says to me, "I'm worried about you." I think "WTF?? Why are you worried about me? What reasons could I have given you to WORRY about me? Haven't you seen I've taken care of myself all these years? YOU don't know anything about me!"
But the same people who would have that type of reaction to family or friends say things like, "Michael Jackson is such a freak" (and like Lady Gaga's not? That's another story...) or "Andre Agassi does drugs!!!" Um, yeah, like all the other people who make up a huge percentage of the population that does-newsflash: he's not God. "Michael Jackson's not really black!" Well, just like white folks aren't white anymore when they choose to bake in the sun despite the skin cancer. "Michael Jackson looks weird with all those plastic surgeries." Don't get me started on the number of people who could do without boob jobs and excessive makeup.
We don't have personal contact with these celebrities or know what they've truly been through! I mean I can understand a "judgment" regarding hurting another person, but I think we could stand for a bit more compassion when people do things to harm themselves.
And the *types* of news our society finds interesting these days is weak and pathetic, but it's interesting just cuz they're celebrities. But I bet I can at least *match* the excitement of some of the celebrity experiences:
-Tiger Woods got into a car accident!
Well, Felda got 3 tickets for running a red light, and you have to go through *separate* traffic school for that offense, each time. The second time, a MONTH later, I had the SAME instructor. Not only that, he recognized me-you can imagine my embarrassment.
-Howard Dean gave his wife a PLANT for her birthday! (k, so that's an old example)
Well if I had a dime for each time I got CANDY as a gift from a secret santa, well, I'd have like, $2.
-Jennifer Aniston is single again!
If we have a couple years, I could explain to you the level of pathetic-ness of the guys I've dated in my lifetime that led me to break up with them.
TMZ needs to have a Felda segment!
Internal medicine
The branch of medicine called "internal medicine" is kinda funny isn't it? I mean let's say we ask a doctor, "Are you a surgeon?" and she says, "No, I practice internal medicine."
Oh, so surgeons don't work internally? They can't be working *externally.* Well I suppose with a laser some surgeries are possible like that, but what are they practicing when they have their hands in someone's guts? Can you really get any more internal than that???
Oh, so surgeons don't work internally? They can't be working *externally.* Well I suppose with a laser some surgeries are possible like that, but what are they practicing when they have their hands in someone's guts? Can you really get any more internal than that???
Saints
You know, when I state that I'm Lakshmi incarnate and that people should turn to me for their answers, I just get laughed at. Hmph..but did Krishna or Christ get laughed at?? Noooooooo! Well yes, Christ did have something worse happen to him for sure. But my point is, people believed they have the answers, even though they lived 2000 years ago and folks never got to really know what they preached! But you get to know right NOW what *I* say!
Well I suppose my Seinfeld and caffeine addiction dilutes my saintliness. ;)
lol
Well I suppose my Seinfeld and caffeine addiction dilutes my saintliness. ;)
lol
Tomatoes
Why would anyone put tomatoes as a topping on pizza? Cuz the pizza already has tomato sauce. So what do the tomatoes add? Wouldn't you want something w/ totally different flavor, like mushrooms (yuuuum) or olives (double yuumm)? Unless it has pesto sauce, then the tomatoes make sense.
Potato chips
What is the deal with baked potato chips??? Um, excuse me but chips are supposed to be greesy. It's like hard cookies or that crap low sugar chocolate. I can't imagine people choose those options so why do they keep making them? I mean, if you want chips, eat CHIPS. Just eat fewer of them if they're greesy. Cuz with the baked ones, you just eat a bunch that taste horrible, so you've added more calories to your day with stuff that doesn't even taste good.
Audience members
So remember how Seinfeld and his girlfriend make-out in the movie theatre when they are watching Schindler's List? And hilarious how his parents ask him, "You were making out during Schindler's List?????" That would be like me making out or sleeping during Slumdog Millionaire, The Namesake, City of Joy, or Gandhi.
Now get this: in one of my theatre showings of The Laramie Project, there was a guy in the FRONT row who was part of a GAY couple and he fell asleep! Um, hello!!! And so much so that we could hear him snoring! Sheesh...
How funny would it be if he had *heterosexual* parents who asked him, "You fell ASLEEP during The Laramie Project???"
Now get this: in one of my theatre showings of The Laramie Project, there was a guy in the FRONT row who was part of a GAY couple and he fell asleep! Um, hello!!! And so much so that we could hear him snoring! Sheesh...
How funny would it be if he had *heterosexual* parents who asked him, "You fell ASLEEP during The Laramie Project???"
Toilets 2
So how late are the stores open? I'm thinking of buying a new toilet and smashing it over my head.
Thongs
So, now, correct me if I'm wrong (and just a heads-up, I never am) but isn't the point of wearing a thong that there is no panty line when you wear something that would show a panty line? Jeans normally do not reveal panty lines, yes? Nevertheless, I have the priviledge of working with a woman in a play who even when she wears jeans, wears thongs. And how do I know this? I see her change in the dressing room and she changes from her costume back into her street clothes that are jeans.
Now why does this bother me you ask? Like, why should I care if someone else chooses to be uncomfortable for no reason? Because I have to sit *behind* her in the play! And we wear jeans in the play. And half her butt comes out the top of her jeans when she's sitting and as she's getting up. Grrrr....
Now it'd kinda become this obsession where I always want to know what kind of underwear she's wearing cuz it's frickin annoying to think that a person would ALWAYS wear a thong, even if they don't have to! I have a few sitting in my drawer and a part of me avoids wearing the clothes that "need" them cuz they're so ridiculously uncomfortable! Yeah, kinda like Seinfeld who encouraged this one woman to break up with him in person just so he could see if she was wearing the same outfit again---lol.
Hey, does my obsession with this girl's underwear *technically* make me a lesbian?
Now why does this bother me you ask? Like, why should I care if someone else chooses to be uncomfortable for no reason? Because I have to sit *behind* her in the play! And we wear jeans in the play. And half her butt comes out the top of her jeans when she's sitting and as she's getting up. Grrrr....
Now it'd kinda become this obsession where I always want to know what kind of underwear she's wearing cuz it's frickin annoying to think that a person would ALWAYS wear a thong, even if they don't have to! I have a few sitting in my drawer and a part of me avoids wearing the clothes that "need" them cuz they're so ridiculously uncomfortable! Yeah, kinda like Seinfeld who encouraged this one woman to break up with him in person just so he could see if she was wearing the same outfit again---lol.
Hey, does my obsession with this girl's underwear *technically* make me a lesbian?
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