Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Diving #2

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention in my last post that what always cracks me up about the diving competitions is that they, for the most part, generally make all the athletes look pretty good. Their acrobatic twists are nice and graceful and then they land cleanly in the water. I mean HOW to the judges determine how smoothly they land in the water? I always get a kick out of, "And a clean land in the water, that was incredible!" I'm thinking, "Well, he still splashed *some* water!" He's going to, he's diving from quite a distance! But it's not like any of them are bad enough to do belly flops. So do the judges have binoculars that have the ability to see at the atomic level so that they can count how many water droplets come up??

Well if divers get judged that way then I guess it makes sense when I get flack for having *one* piece of paper on the passenger seat in my car. Somehow I've gotten this reputation of always having my house, car, working space, etc. as clean and organized as utopia. And worst of all, this reputation is so extreme I get chastised for a HUMAN "mistake" of having a piece of paper on my passenger seat, or a couple things sitting in my trunk! At one time I picked my cousin up from the airport and when he was putting his bags in my trunk he said something to the effect of, "Wow, wasn't expecting Felda's car in this condition!" That was for having like TWO things in my trunk! I mean having a pressure gage and extra hat is just good sense people.

I don't know where I get this reputation. Oh wait, the OCD and sick ability to remember how I place every little thing might have something to do with it....

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Diving

So I was watching some of the Olympics and thinking to myself, "Self, why do you think there are diving competitions?" And I couldn't come up with answer. I mean why? Why diving of all things to compete in? Isn't it more important that you can swim once you get IN the water? If you get thrown overboard, you don't really have time to do a fancy acrobatic thingy before you get in the water do you? So by then who cares? You have to save your life by swimming to shore, not worry about being SYNCHRONIZED with another person during a dive for crying out loud.

The idea is just amazing to me. I can't swim very well and the thought of diving is beyond me. The idea of going into water head-first is scary, not to mention diving off a high board with an acrobatic twist.

But I think my favorite part of watching those competitions is staring at the sexy abs of those men! I mean, the political candidates would get some great attention from voters by just paying the divers millions to tattoo their names on their chests!

But that sure throws clean elections into the water (no pun intended. Oh who am I kindin', TOTALLY intended) ...

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Artificial

Ever wonder exactly what it is that is in artificial sweeteners? Because in the Splenda ad for instance, they say "It's made from sugar, tastes like sugar, but is not sugar." What IS it then??!

Well I guess with humans it's not entirely different:

He SEEMS nice enough but has a giant, sexist ego.
She SHOULD be honest being a professor and all, but is a compulsive liar.
He LOOKS well put-together but is really chicken shit.
She LOOKS normal, but is really a *psycho.*

Friday, August 01, 2008

Excessive Heat Warning

Excessive Heat Warning??? We live in the DESERT for crying out loud. Every DAY is an excessive heat warning!