Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Distractions

We have resorted to a new level of rudeness in today's world. I cannot begin to express how pissed off I get at the overuse of I-pods and cell phone texting. So the "loved" ones from out of town visiting the folks who own these new hot commodities are no longer as important as Gwen Stephani, or the text from a friend who lives in the SAME ZIPCODE as them. Someone can have a heart-attack right on the street and the idiot in his own little world would never know because he's too fucking distracted with his I-pod. Or folks can't even sit through a 2-hour movie without checking a stupid text.

Well if we're going to pretend that the people we're with are not there anyway, then why not do something even more satisfying than texting or listening to music? How about farting whenever we feel like it? Belching at a dinner table? Going to the bathroom with the door open?

Hell, how about masturbating in the presence of others? What? That suggestion disturbs you? But isn't it more satisfying than listening to music or texting?

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Christmas cards

Sending Xmas cards has really become a joke, hasn't it? I mean, people don't even TRY to make you feel special anymore. It's like "I have to do this fucking task because it's the holidays, so I'll pick the ugliest, BIGGEST card ever, just sign my name, and feel like I sent something meaningful." I'm not even addressed-people just write their names at the very bottom and that's it!

So how long am I supposed to keep such gifts worth $1.50 (the stamp and card) and the physical and emotional work that goes along with it (which is worth even LESS)? So I put them on my desk until after new years and then toss them.

Much like new years resolutions. There's another joke-new years resolutions. Maybe we need UN-resolutions. I will not organize my closet. Or I will not clean up after myself. We know we can keep those!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Celebrity job changes

Ever notice how so many celebrities go into different fields? Examples are JeLo (did I spell that right? well, I don't care) who went from acting to singing and Ellen Degeneres who was originally a comedian and now has her own talk show. And ever notice how STUPID they look in their new roles? JeLo can't really act or sing in my opinion, and Ellen who's a great comedian looks dorky dancing around with the audience and then going on stage trying to be Letterman.

Yet, many like them in their new roles and get this: they make SHITLOADS of money in them! Well hell, I can't sing worth shit, I admit, but why do I get so much grief when I sing karaoke, or when I sing at home? I mean, at least I'm not making money doing it!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Camping

Okay, so what constitutes camping? (I recently had a conversation about this with someone the other day and it got me all riled up.) I mean, is it still camping if people are sleeping on air mattresses, taking showers or cooking pancakes? I'm sorry, but camping is a sleeping bag, dealing w/o a shower for a couple days, dealing with the bugs, and eating sandwiches!

I consider myself a camper, because I do like roughin' it now and then, especially as a break from a normal hectic schedule. I love the outdoors, hiking, and sleeping under the stars. I'm ok without showering for a few days and I know that bugs come with the territory. Plus, if I cook all the time at home, WHY would I want to cook outdoors????

BUT, some folks have the audacity to say I'm not a real camper because I've only been twice in my life. But you know what, it was I alone in both of those outings who could deal without pancakes for the weekend, wasn't complaining about being dirty, and wasn't squealing like a little girl everytime a bug flew by. Okay, so I've only been twice and wouldn't be able to pitch a tent by myself (but I didn't grow up with camping parents and a skill like that just comes by doing it multiple times), but why is everyone else who's been camping a million times cooking pancakes and complaining about bugs and being dirty? Just because they've done it more than me makes them true campers and not me?

Okay, so by that standard, I'm a true creative writer. I may suck at it but hey, I've been trying for a while!