Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Distractions

We have resorted to a new level of rudeness in today's world. I cannot begin to express how pissed off I get at the overuse of I-pods and cell phone texting. So the "loved" ones from out of town visiting the folks who own these new hot commodities are no longer as important as Gwen Stephani, or the text from a friend who lives in the SAME ZIPCODE as them. Someone can have a heart-attack right on the street and the idiot in his own little world would never know because he's too fucking distracted with his I-pod. Or folks can't even sit through a 2-hour movie without checking a stupid text.

Well if we're going to pretend that the people we're with are not there anyway, then why not do something even more satisfying than texting or listening to music? How about farting whenever we feel like it? Belching at a dinner table? Going to the bathroom with the door open?

Hell, how about masturbating in the presence of others? What? That suggestion disturbs you? But isn't it more satisfying than listening to music or texting?

3 comments:

BE said...

"How about farting whenever we feel like it? Belching at a dinner table? Going to the bathroom with the door open?" Ooh...if these are bad things, my marriage is most certainly in trouble. ;-)

Felda, Jerry Seinfeld's Biggest Fan said...

Well yeah, guess those things do happen in a marriage. :) And you may have already figured this out but I was of course speaking more of hanging out with others that you don't see as often.

Now granted, I've never been married or in that serious of a relationship, but I would think that withholding some of those behaviors from your partner could keep the spark alive in the marriage more easily? So rather than taking them for granted in their roommate role, act with regards to the bathroom as you did when dating. Because my guess is seeing your partner on the can makes them less appealing sexually! But I don't know how easy that is to do with someone you live with.

BE said...

Yeah, I know the conventional wisdom would have us fart in total privacy, poop with the door closed, and...well, I'll never refrain from belching at the dinner table if I'm at home, who am I kidding? Probably would be a good idea to poop, fart, and belch as though we had company over.