Saturday, February 24, 2007

Orchestras

NOW I finally understand the purpose of the conductor at the symphony. He's there to give us some action to watch. Think about it, the faces of the musicians are so stoic, and you don't need to watch them anyway because you just want to hear the music, right? I mean if you notice, no matter the tone of the music they're playing, whether it be happy, sad, upbeat, suspenseful, they have the same expressionless faces!

So, while we listen to the music, the conductor is just there to give us more expressions to see. I swear, I was at the symphony last night and the conductor had more facial expressions that fit with the music than any of the musicians. And this I saw WITH his back to us of course! But you could just see how much he was getting into the music and when I was able to see his profile, it had more expression than the musicians.

Because why else does the conductor exist? After all that practice, would the musicians really NOT know when to play what???

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Chopsticks

Why do people try to eat Chinese food with chopsticks? Why? Why do you try? It's kind of like that DARE motto for kids: using chopsticks does NOT make you look cool. Want to know why? Because people do it for the very goal of looking cool. Because I guess that makes you more cultured, or fancy, or high-brow, or whatever. Oooo, look at meeee, I'm so coooool, I can pick up rice with sticks.

And that's just it, with rice you can't use the chopsticks as easily and people give up when it's time to eat the rice anyway. Or they look so lame trying to scoop up the little rice kernels at the end onto the chopsticks.

Folks, as a human race we have evolved to the point of creating things that make life easier for us. If we're capable of that evolution, I think that means we can guiltlessly use the very utensils we have invented. Feel free to use the never-failing FORK. I mean hell, you can buy forks in China now too!

So I don't try to fake being able to use chopsticks. I go right for the fork and like your typical American, I enjoy scarfing down my food.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Red lights

WHY do people edge up at red lights?? If a guy is on my ass when I'm at a red light, I'll move up a bit to increase the distance between us for safety, and the moron follows me. WHERE do you think you're going? You think kissing my ass is going to make the green light come sooner?

No pun intended.