Tuesday, January 31, 2006

People

I swear, the more people I meet, the more I like my cat.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Intelligence

So I'm in class the other day and my professor starts asking the class about all these authors and pieces of writing. Dickens wrote this, Robert Frost wrote that, yada yada yada. Nobody knew anything (of course we all are products of public education in this country). He asked at one point, "You guys don't know this?" And mind you, we're not even studying literature in this program.

But you know, who cares? How does knowing what Dickens wrote versus whoever else prove you're intelligent? Dickens wrote it-that shows intelligence on HIS part. How are we supposed to be intelligent just because we can match up the author with his piece of writing and sit around and TALK about it? Furthermore, how in the world does knowing this information help you to make money or get laid?

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Cookbook

With my birthday coming up, I've been thinking about what gifts I'd like to receive. And then I remembered one gift that I got over Christmas: a cookbook. A cookbook. I mean I was just jumping for joy and couldn't WAIT to play with it! Man, really something I can use right away!

That's the stupidest gift EVER! Well, I guess it's the thought that counts. Yeah, whatever. If ANY amount of thought had been put into that, she would've realized that I'm a full-time STUDENT who barely has time to make the dishes I already know how to make, much less take the time to make new ones. And I've been racking my brain trying to figure out when I gave the impression that I'm always cooking and love to try new recipes.

Maybe next Christmas I'll get her a calculus book.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Instruction manual

So there's this cute guy at school I have a crush on and, (I'm a little worried about speaking too soon), I think he likes me too. Man, if there were a dating instruction manual for women, it'd be like a never-ending loop, with each message contradicting another:

-Don't be an adult about it and ask him out directly, you'll look needy.
-Ask him out, guys like women who take the initiative for a change.
-Play it cool and hide your true feelings.
-Be yourself.
-But if you reveal that part of yourself too soon it could be a turn-off, timing is everything.
-Why ask him out now? The flirting and head games are fun.
-Guys are so relieved and appreciative when you ask them out, because it's just as hard for them to do.
-Don't date a guy who doesn't ask you out first, that's how you really know he's in to you.
-He's in to you. He's just a shy pansy-assed bitch. (So you'll never go out with him anyway.)
-He's not shy, he's just being a jerk by leading you on.
-Play it cool and work on the friendship first. The best relationships come from friendships.
-Act fast before someone else takes him.
-Don't wait too long cuz once he thinks of you as a friend, you'll have less of a chance.
-He asked you out, but that's just because he thinks of you as a friend who also wanted to see that movie.
-Don't ask him out; guys like women who are hard to get.

So we're being elusive with each other even when we like each other. Hmm, makes sense. Probably why a lot of people don't hook up, yet complain about being single.

Terror

So we're fighting the war on terror. Okay, that's good. Cuz for a while there (you know, with the war against Iraq, and attacking Pakistan the other day) I thought terror was a good thing. Glad I'm straight on that.

And I am allowed to voice my feelings against the war as long as I don't say Bush lied or that it's about oil. Whew, close one, cuz before, I thought I had the right of free speech.

The Shins

Okay, what is up with the popularity of this group? They have songs that just go on and on with no crescendo. And you can't make out what they're saying! Do people like them because of the name? Is it the cool new fad, even if they're not that great? So you feel cool by saying "I like the shins." I mean that one song on the Garden State soundtrack: I cannot for the life of me figure out what they are saying. It just goes on and one with "turn, turn me live, turn, turn, hmmmmm...tuuuuurn, tuuurrrn"

So is it their name that makes them cool? I think of my legs when I hear the name. I have nice legs but still...

Friday

So I'm trying to drive home from school at frickin' 3 pm today and run into traffic on the freeway. At 3 pm!!!! It's amazing we get any work done in this country. I think in reality we have like a 30-hour work-week instead of a 40-hour one. I mean think about it, there are always excuses about why work isn't being done. "It's Friday so I'm leaving a little early." SO what? Why can't you start the weekend after the week is supposed to end: at FIVE? "It's Monday so I'm coming in at 10." What, the 2 days off wasn't enough for you? And then after coming in at 10 on Monday, of course there is talk about how the weekend went and before you know it, it's lunch time. Then you go out to lunch, come back and maybe check email for a while. Cuz you know, you can't really work or concentrate cuz you just ate. And then after putzin' around for a few hours, it's time to go home again. Tuesday is when the real work starts. Then Thursday afternoon, people start talking about their weekends at the water cooler, shaving some more time off the afternoons there. So with Monday off, and some hours Thursday and Friday afternoons, that's only like 30 hours of work a week.

And don't get me started on holidays. For Thanksgiving people get Thursday off, so they take Friday off, which makes sense, otherwise you'd have to go to work for just that last Friday before the weekend. But now people take the Wednesday before off too. Pretty soon we'll be having a Thanksgiving week. And what's up with high school proms these days? It used to be you just went to the dance. Then it turned into dinner and dance. Then it turned into a day activity then dance. Now, people leave town on Thursday to go to Disneyland before the dance.

So yeah, it's not just work that suffers, but school too. And in grade school, Mondays are spent with show-and-tell. Then for math, half the time is spent in returning graded papers, so maybe 10 to 15 minutes get spent on a new lesson. And then of course because it's FRIDAY, they watch movies all day. And that's not the only way that education is put on the back-burner in this country. Don't get me started on how I can't park in a parking spot I paid for just because there's a football game at the university that afternoon, and people who want to watch a bunch of guys grunting and running each other down get to park in the lot.

If you want to watch the guys grunting and get beat up, that's fine, hey, I'm not here to tell you how to spend (or waste) your time. Just stop complaining that kids in other countries are smarter than us and take our jobs.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Lips n' lotion

My birthday's coming up in less than 2 months and you know what would be really nice to get? (Well I mean, in addition to my own private jet and island with Jake Jillenhall on it.) Self-moisturizing lips and hands. I mean, if I added up the time I spend in one day doing those things (putting on lip balm and lotion), it's probably half my life.

So I get out of the bathroom and have to put on lotion because my hands were dried out from washing them. But then I eat lunch and have to wash my hands again, after which point I have to put the lotion back on. Sometimes I think, "Well, I'm just going to eat soon so I'll hold off on the lotion," but now that my hands are so used to lotion, they feel dry and weird without it, and it's even hard to eat without it.

Same thing with the lip balm. My lips are dry so I put it on. But then I eat so it comes off and I have to reapply it. But then I'm really thirsty and after guzzling down a glass of water, it comes off again and so I have to put it on again. And then a while after eating, I have to go to the bathroom again...

Help, River Selkie!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Skateboard

What is UP with those scooter things? They're not quite skateboards and they're not quite bikes. They look so cheesy to me. It's like, "Hey look, I don't know how to ride a bike or skateboard, but THIS I can do. I can roll and hold on at the same time!"

And yes, I have a right to criticize this because I already do know how to ride a bike, and yesterday I started riding a skateboard a bit, and didn't do too bad for my first time. So THERE.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Skin

Seinfeld's wrong (didn't think I'd see the day when I'd say that!). You can to over-dry. After you towel off after getting out of the shower your skin is dry. In the desert, especially in the winter, your skin is OVERdry, trust me. Itchy itchy itchy. It's driving me crazy!

And, ever wonder why sometimes people say "not a long trip" after the "driving me crazy" phrase? I mean, the phrase isn't "driving TO crazy." THEN crazy would technically be a destination. But not without the "to."

Sunday, January 08, 2006

2006

It's 2006. 2006! 2006!! 2006!!!!!!!!!

Does anybody besides me have a problem with this??? Where in the world has the time gone? What the hell have I accomplished this past year?

Shouldn't we be wearing one-piece silver suits and flying around in saucers by now????

Dating,

is a no-win situation for a 29 year-old heterosexual female graduate student. Sorry guys, but it's true. If he's successful, he's an asshole. If he's a nice guy, he's boring. If he's sweet and caring, he doesn't have enough money to be on his own. If he's good-looking, he has no sense of humor. If he's attractive, he's afraid of commitment. If he's sexy, he's chicken-shit. If he's into eastern philosophy, he's an alcoholic. And if he has "all" qualities, he's too intimidated to date an independent, driven and intelligent woman.

If there could only be a pill I could take to become bi-sexual. I'd have so many more options that way: all kinds of great sex and a greater shot of finding a life partner who's worthy.

Conversation with Family

No matter what the topic of discussion in my family, the conversation always ends with "That's just how it is." Doesn't matter what we're discussing-politics, religion, traffic, movies-the conversation ends with "that's just how it is." I'm not kidding you. And it's said in Marati by mom: "Aasa ahe Tai." That irritates me to know end. Some are such fatalists in my family, like they have no control over their lives. I mean, if they think they're going to be born as an ant in the next life, they accept it and say "that's just how it is."

So why doesn't that response fly when they ask me why I'm not married?

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Family,

is like the dining experience of a starving graduate student. Even though the food is dissatisfying, you still have to have it and deal with it.

Vegas

Okay, so for those of us who are not really into gambling, the point of Vegas is to just go and look at one hotel after another? So those of us who can't afford to stay in those hotels should just be grateful for being able to look at the lobby and the ridiculously expensive shops? And I love the Aladdin one, where it feels like you're outside when you're actually inside. So what's the point of being inside if it looks like the outside? If you want the feeling of being outside, go outside, not inside.

And does anyone besides me think it's cheesy to have smaller remakes of the Statue of Liberty and Eiffel Tower on the strip? You folks can't see the real thing, so here's a miniature one for ya. Lame, come on, it's like "ha ha, can't have the real thing so look at these replicas." I mean, I don't hang my vibrator outside my front door do I?

Santa

Ever wonder why Santa is always shown smiling? I mean really, would you be that perky if you had to deliver presents to all the kids in the world on one night? And we all know that not all these kids are pleasant all the time, far from it. It makes more sense for Santa to have a frustrated look and say, "I'm tired and leave me alone you greedy, ungrateful pansy-assed bitches!"